Kids in 1991: oh no lord Jeses please keep Israel safe from the SCUDs headed their way Kids nowadays: may Allah’s hand guide every Shahed-136 into the hearts of the Wahhabi heretics and their Zionist puppets.

they may be unorthodox, but my methods get results

after crushing the fancy club team last night, we have a tennis match with another club this morning at 9. all gave some, but some gave all.

me and Kenny won our match against the fancy tennis club team. Kenny underarm served at 9-7 in the ten point tie break. that was not their favorite thing lol

qt this with your favorite Tom Waits song

all this blood loss is making me super sleepy

made a thing of popped corn instead of

watching Tiafoe v Brooksby at Indian Wells and thinking about dipping out for a soft serve cone from McDonalds (the hamburger restaurant)

I've spoken to some of you privately about this, but I am overjoyed to share publicly that I have been made the supreme leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran. We’re going to build through the draft, explore free agency, and we’re going to give the fans what they deserve: a winning football team

I could go for some ice cream

I’m asking for a second chance to be your abuela

high gas prices have destroyed my anti-ballistic missile defense systems

I’m watching the tennis at indian wells and it looks like there are upwards of two dozen people in attendance

they're making that one broad resign from government because of her fucked up face (audience looking at one another, unsure of which one I am talking about)

(General addressing troops on Tik Tok) God willing, we will be victorious over our enemies. God won’ting, all of you will die

every man needs to ask himself three daily questions: 1) what's going on with my weiner? 2) how do I feel about what's going on with my weiner? 3) are there sports on tv?

damn they got a nicer house than me

Pain is pain cells being like "ouch, my body"

no one needs restorative justice more than my little peeper

fumbled a bad bitch called “The Exsanguinator”

(conspiratorial whisper) what’s the longest elevator ride you ever been on?

it's friday night, you know what that means. you can find me bemoaning the incivility of these troubled modern times

I’m doing a counter-insurgency against my dog and I’m pretty sure I’m losing

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how many of us

website for buying medications that have been tampered with

strung the backup racket with some shaped poly at low tension and took it to the mixer. reader, I was hitting the cuss out of the ball. the people had no answer for your man

Call your senator. Ask them directly: now who else wanna fuck with Hollywood Cole?

I’m going to 360 no scope headshot high gas prices

the best way to resist fascism is by having risky unprotected sex 🫦

state of the union: it’s big and meaty, only costs a buck fifty

I like to use the chat function of my online pharmacy to see if there's any new drugs I should check out

keep politics out of the state of the union address

this chicken tortilla soup is creating sexual energy within my body

breastfeeding my computer

played a match of doubles with my friend Todd. We lost a third set tiebreak by two points. Very close match. I only double faulted one time and hit a bunch of shots I was proud of. tennis is all about bein gay with your boys

me and Todd are gonna show up to dubs looking like Ortho Stice, talmbout the Darkness

(watching someone do a puzzle) you’re never going to find that piece. give up immediately

what would you say to Rose in this situation

come to general admission in ten minutes for a big sincerely loving hug

I got a message from the Action Man.

the ops are boastful men of insufferable pride, whereas the homies are modest aesthetics, consumed by the beauty of the world

I’m going crazy whaling on my junk

hey yall

hark!!

whatever happened to that one guy? he would always go around on campus and argue with kids about his right wing opinions. like he would say really nasty stuff and smile when they got mad? he had his own company for it, actually. i think he was married to some lady too. havent seen him lately