apnews.com/article/fran... @chalicotherex.bsky.social #heistwatch

nonviolence is good, yeah, everyone knows that but man oh man, nothing hits like violence

gm lovers

Antifa thugs have opened a Ford dealership and are selling the all new F-150 for below MSRP

if I was china, I wouldn't want to buy these things. they're dangerous!!!!!

what is this, a school for saps? it’s a joke, and comedy is the last place you can say whatever is on your mind without fear of repercussions

I put some different strings on my backup racket and played with it at the mixer. the strings were more powerful and only marginally less controllable. I was fuckin BOOMIN. thanks for reading this i love you

I keep my bananas in the fridge because they stay fresh longer and get this: nothing hits in the morning like a cold banana (my neighbor who I’ve cornered in my kitchen) hey man that’s great but I’ve gotta go- (me, brandishing my pistol) no, you’re gonna listen to this

I’m out for the rest of the season due to Thomas Johnson surgery

announcer: he is working that back door slider over the corner with such extreme velocity. really great stuff me: he’s nasty, he’s a freak bitch

chilling in the outer sanctum

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. One for practice and the other one is the "main" grave.

Sleepyheads are basically obsessed with nodding off

I come here when the mariners get a run and I’ve been coming here a lot lately

I thought batman destroyed this shit

that game charged my jo crystal and more now it’s glowing

heck of a ballgame. HECK of a ballgame

15 inning challenge

I’m thinking of making a mound visit, ifyouknowwhatimsayin

14 inning challenge

13 inning challenge

this moment right now encapsulates mariner fandom

go mariners

(crowd chanting) smoothie dinner! smoothie dinner! smoothie dinner!

welcome to my dilapidated shack. please remove your shoes and socks

one of my oomfies said the ATM machine was the goat of all time

One time Venmo tried to use a tweet of mine and I sought compensation

spindrift endorses my words and actions; all thanks to social media!!!!

the thing i hate about freddy krueger is how much of a bastard he is - but would the movie even work if he was nice?

jerry seinfeld on the phone: you're at lake MUNGO?!

every time you turn on the tv or look at social media, you are forced to watch another atrocity take place and see the worst people in the world celebrate it. the yankees beat the blue jays 9-6

This is major elf to elf patrol. You really made the glade. And the papers wanna know what jerkins you wear.

I’m on the streets in portland oregon and it’s crazy out here. I’m walking my dog and we saw a bunny- WAIT NO THERE’S ANOTHER ONE THAT’S TWO BUNNIES HOLY FUCK WHAT IS HAPPENING

go to the community center and learn to play tennis. make friends with the people there. make one enemy. hit the ball at your enemy's nuts. apologize for hitting them in the nuts but like REALLY insincerely. they know what they did. they will know fear when they see you

I think I might be turning republican because lowered corporate taxis sound hella dope to me actually

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and President Donald Trump gathered generals from all branches of the armed forces to tell them Bluesky needs group chats

the Starbucks barista wrote “suicide risk” on my coffee cup, just like I asked

this is an irredeemable piece of shit.

nw

if I go to sleep now the morning smoothie gets here sooner

ME: The last few days have been fun and all, but I worry that in a world where all better futures have been foreclosed upon, the only fleeting joy to experience will be the deaths of monsters. COWBOY LAWYER: I just made pardner at my firm

my son and I went for a run and now I am eating some dried mango and clicking on the computer

let’s go down to the tennis courts and talk it out like yeah yeah

sometimes you gotta walk around at night and smoke cigs and other times you gotta resist that urge, get to bed early and do yoga in the morning

the Mariners clinched the post season not long after this. coincident? dear reader, I think you know the answer

if you suspend disbelief hard enough this is a fun movie

nw

good idea, this will help keep me out of trouble!