Rockabilly drag king with a self esteem problem named Lux Inferior

Me: I’d like a Baconator, large fries, and a large chocolate frosty Cashier: Sir, this is a Wendy’s

Update: I remembered I got durian popsicle things from the Asian market to try them. Not a fan. Now I still want a sweet treat and I’m regretting my purchase 😔

I want a sweet treat but I don’t have any at home and I’m too lazy to get out 😭😭😭

When my hollandaise breaks

I want a Yoo-Hoo so bad rn

I love when scientists tell you how big a star is by how many suns could fit in it. Like, I can’t conceive of that. Tell me how many queen size mattresses could fit in there or something idk

Real Housewives of Lunar Base 1

I’ll get interested in space missions when the astronauts start fuckin up there

Why do I feel like I’ve just had 4 shots of espresso?

Using ChatGPT to right the next great American novel. It will work because Americans can’t read

If I go on a meal date with a new guy and he scrapes his fork/spoon/whatever against his teeth while eating? That’s a 🚩

Anybody ever wonder if the democrats, assuming they get in power again, will undo any of the dismantling Trump has done? Will they restore funding to programs slashed by the current administration? I guess we’ll find out (maybe)

Got suddenly grumpy and couldn’t figure out what was going on. Turns out it was because one of my socks had gotten twisted sideways. I am now sock free and healing from this trauma

Guy who orders gom jabbar instead of gulab jamun at the Indian restaurant

My fingers smell like bbq sauce. Who want me?

just so you know, anytime i read or think the word ham, i'm thinking it in her voice

Since Kubrick is dead who should NASA hire to film the next “moon landing”

Leftist flat earthers be like: So we can’t have free healthcare but we can fund “missions” to the “moon”?

If you’re feeling conflicted about this moon mission because bad people are in charge, make sure not to look up early nasa

The Mario Galaxy movie was a very cute Nintendo commercial. If you are able to enjoy a movie for what it is I’d recommend watching it

Not gonna be super specific but there is definitely a particular demographic that goes to a Mario movie matinee on opening day. I am in that demographic

Sneaking a rotisserie chicken in to Mario Galaxy

Ugh got got as soon as I woke up. This is truly the worst “holiday”

Celebrating 7 years alcohol free by going to see Mario Galaxy with a himbo

My head canon is that the North Sentinelese are still isolated in Star Trek times

I wish playing video games in the middle of the night didn’t feel so good. Tomorrow nafin is not going to be happy

Going back to my roots as a reply guy

okay, look: you can have the general strike when your workplace is organized for the general strike. don’t say ‘we need a general strike’ if you want a vacation for nothing

Thinking about the older trans lady trump supporter that came to one of my comedy shows at a gay bar. Things were getting pretty tense until another comedian realized they’d gone to the same college. They spent the rest of the night talking about fraternity rivalries and pranks

All the best foods come from between 30° N and the equator. Not saying other places don’t have good food. I’m just telling you where the best food comes from

Him: I love your cologne Me: Thanks, it’s anti-fungal spray for my athlete’s foot

Health dept calling and texting me at the same time to remind me about my gay slut appointment

Currently messaging with a guy on Grindr who I have met several times and I don’t think he remembers me 🙃

truly don't know why we're having the trans people in the toilets when the answer is simple: separate toilets for everyone and each self contained room comes with a little table for coke

Call me Jack Twist the way I got a bussy full of beans 💅

Banjo says good morning

NA beer but it gets you fucked up

Like something being unhealthy has ever stopped humans

Sing and Sing 2 are better than the two Zootopia movies imho

The hardest part to believe about Starfleet Academy is that they don’t have hover luggage

“I identify as an Apache helicopter” has been replicated by “I didn’t know we had a king”

What do Klingon tops do with their other dick?

Bottoms in Star Trek just teleport the shit out for prep

A couch that can fit 4 gay guys can only fit 2 straight guys 🤔

Any moots Casey’s pizza stans?

Why is it called straight edge if it’s so gay (derogatory)

Kerrygold really drives home how much the U.S. needs to up its butter game

How can I trust you to eat the rich if you won’t even eat chicken?

Looking forward to being put on a blocklist over this exchange