ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘢. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥.

Medical bedical 😌

yeah man the aliens really go hogwild when a computer that read 999999999 pirated pdfs pretends to be your subservient girlfriend

My dad was nonchalantly like "hey you want this?" lol

Finally! Jewelry that wards off those pesky empaths.

My dad's helping me in the shop and he's measuring wood with other pieces of misc wood while using sun dials and plotting out the movements of the stars and shit like?? I'm very confused about this supposed desk we're building.

The pipeline of being a nice, wholesome auntie to threatening to fucking blast violent ass if everybody keeps fucken farting in the back seat.

I'm not American and thus nobody really needs to hear my opinions about it all no matter how big, beautiful, and swollen my brain is.

My bf opened the door to let a bug out and William fucking took off so the neighbours got to witness a man in Batman pants and a woman in booty shorts running around the yard screaming at an overstimulated cat and also see my left kneecap fly off in real time.

I slept for 6 hours uninterrupted cuddling Randall and woke up the most tired I've ever been in my entire life what the hecky

I have new strong evidence to believe that Amelia Earhart WAS abducted by aliens and NOT eaten by gargantuan crabs.

Dear diary, super into tourmaline lately.

WHOAH

Do you think he's included in the sudden secret Pentagon meeting?

Now that funeral season is over, I can go back to my lil conspiracy theories 🤗🛸

Lady at the checkout counter was making references to Phyllis Diller like I freaking understood what she was going on about lmao just nod yes

Me: hmm I should finally update my ID that expired three years ago. Also me: there's another person in the registry office... TOO BUSY 4 ME!

I'm watching three Korean dramas set in the same time period and it's been hilarious trying not to mix everything up because I'm stoned and they're all wearing the same hats!

I have two tool boxes full of wood carving tools now and it's like HMMMMMM

My council of eunuchs tell me that you're a little bitch

Been really into obtaining a council of eunuchs lately.

I deserve a council of eunuchs to follow me around and freak the fuck out on my behalf.

This is where I post from.

In the process of getting raptured rn lol goodbye you shitheads! Should've opened your hearts and loins to Christ like meeeeee

Long way to go but this side of the shit shack is good enough. Now to build the other half.

I bet all the big wigs at the Tylenol headquarters are losing their fucking marbles right now lmfao

OK HELLO SOCIAL MEDIA I'M BACK

You know what? Perfect time for a social media deactivation break. Love to you all ❤️

Spent the afternoon touching up the walls in my shop and lugging shit into the alley for community assorted garbage clean up time and am already pulling a grandpa simpson brothel hat gif on being online for the rest of the day.

baby squirrels look like if an acorn dreamed about becoming an animal

My favorite life cycle era for a squirrel is when they are old enough to have a tiny fluffy tail but young enough where they still have a huge fucken head lmfaooo

Dumped 2kg of peanuts onto my lawn for Murphy Brown and she flashed me her boobs in graTITude (?) so now I'm googling to see if it's still baby squirrel season or... an act of seduction...

Feeling straight up cunty in my brand spanking new Duluth work jacket I got at the thrift store for 15 dollars

excited for Pot Roast, better known as: The Beef Slop of Autumn™️

They should make a phone that doesn't have a screen, just physical buttons like a tv remote control. It should also have no battery and simply plug into an outlet on the wall.

Gotta have my YouTube videos playing at 2x speed so my brain listens more closely and comprehends

I keep chucking random shit onto my front lawn to see if the squirrels will eat it and so far the only thing they didn't like was a tiny babybel cheese wheel which is EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING because of the lost cuteness potential.

LEAD-FREE PEWTER REVIVAL REVOLUTION

Learning poor person diy casting jewellery techniques and explaining to my bf that I need him to drive me to PetSmart so I can buy cuttlefish bone things in bulk. Luckily he no longer questions me about anything these days. He has given up.

I chose such a shit time to get into silversmithing lmao 💸

Bernice is smashing into my calves with the full force of her stout little body and it feels like I'm being assaulted by an army of dandelion fluff

Dear diary: I ate an unholy amount of beet salad yesterday

Who is still watching all of this walking dead shit? There's like 4 freakin spinoffs now! GOD! - me as I plop my ass down to see when the new bridgerton season comes out like I'm exempt from sin

Getting older rules because once you hit 40 and wake up with a random hurty boob it's like 💀⁉️

Getting banned from the r/visualsnow subreddit for claiming I cured mine by paying someone to karate chop both sides of my neck at the same time.

In a couple more years I'll be old enough to go pet puppies in Chernobyl and probably not die over it but from other future things/statistics!