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my cats have been bought out by Big Yawn

do you think crop dusting pilots get wrongfully accused of farting more often than the average

jesus is rolling in his grave

chat is this good

Bard, I’m trying to sneak up on Varg with my taser but I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks keeps alerting him

I'm not saying that it's impossible Trump accidentally posted a DM, but I am saying that his desire for everyone to see him as a take-charge boss who talks to his subordinates this way would absolutely lead him to communicate with them via public message.

trad mentats be like "it is by will alone i set my wife in motion"

If i live to see disney world die in my lifetime maybe it will have been worth it

check out Dopesmoker by Sleep

I love the brain dead assumption that you can expand the tent by running anti-abortion candidates without also losing any voters

when you call me a tankie this is who you're talking to. feel bad yet?

death to america :)

*every american press company willingly turning itself into another radio rwanda* we love you mr president please let us stay *trump* frankly you're terrible you disgust me

alien who just got here and hasn't had a chance to watch how human beings eat a banana yet

the press bends over backward to appease a guy who only ever insults them directly to their faces

sorry babe I can't come out I'm learning about plague saints

oh hell yeah dude

real moment this makes me so sad

can't fuckin believe they made charlie kirk day the day before my birthday. this was targeted

Donald Trump has just declared KMFDM to be a Major Terrorist Organization

Donald Trump has just declared all scumdogs and bohabs to be a Major Terrorist Organization

my deep heavy metal secret is.... i never really liked Pantera that much

oh man we elected the tacky sellout money man to be president and he turned our country into a tacky sellout money scheme. shit

client: can you send me a version of this report you sent that shows B instead of A? this one shows A me: you're mistaken, that report already shows B instead of A client: thanks, I had assumed it showed B instead of A

one thing you gotta know about me is: every time i see the word "virginia," i pronounce it in my head the way that Willem Dafoe's character Tars Tarkas pronounces it in the 2012 film John Carter

guy who works at autozone: the world is a savage place and it only rewards the strongest and most ruthless warriors that's why i'm a capitalist the 2nd richest american in the world: nyeehh my glasses

I choose to believe that the New York Times is intentionally advocating for the arrest and prosecution of people who encourage resistance to the draft during World War 1

i used to work with this guy who was a real dingus. like dumb as hell. like "did you know the word gullible doesn't appear in the dictionary" level dumb. and now every news story has that guy in it and i'm so tired of seeing him and hearing from him.

President Xi please, help us

Landscape with the Fall of Charlie Kirk - Pieter Bruegel the Elder, cir. 1560

lmao catholicism is cooked brother

Libras rise up!

Might be time to watch Hara Kiri and Twilight Samurai again. Gimme a bummed out sword guy

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire Antifa

the Burger King in Yellow creating a whopper so profane all who consume it are driven to madness

My prediction is: Optimus will be more productive than the entire global economy minus one, Bob

how it feels to wake up www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zS-...

hey everybody thanks for showing me what kind of energy you're bringing to bluesky

people love to be like "this is like a fever dream" when something is bad but those things were the closest you could get to tripping as a 10-year-old with no access to LSD

worst job i ever had was for a trucking company and they would make you call at 7pm to find out when you were working the next day. sometimes it would be like "come in at noon" but other times it would be like "you start in 6 hours motherfucker nighty night"

my cats eating dry cat food: *crunch crunch crunch* my cats eating literally anything else: *what's chewing i've never heard of that before HHGGGHHBLBLBLL*

Biden used to go to my uncle's record shop way back in the day so on his behalf I'd like to apologize that he didnt like, say something to the guy

are they saying that vanity is fair like, attractive? or fair like unbiased? Or is it a fair being held for vanity like "hey do you wanna go to the vanity fair, I hear the mirrors are nuts"

why should I lose my job as a truck driver just because of all my DUI charges? Everyone needs to work

There are people who think this guy was ordained by the creator of the universe

what can you say beyond just that these people are friends to Death

i don't even think there's a good reason to remake this movie, which earns its reputation based almost entirely on a single shot at the end of it, which is also the screenshot below