Nuclear powered butter factory. Call that Churnobyl.

Hit the road Jack and don’t ya come back no more? Hmm, not a very positive message. How about: Come on in Jack, welcome. Stay as long as you’d like.

You could never make A Nightmare on Elm Street today because wtf is a boiler room, that’s not a thing

The law further specified it be a "major artery"

I’m no lawyer, but I have to think something like this doesn’t help your court case.

Every time a cop speeds up to pull over someone for speeding, they should also give themselves a speeding ticket for speeding to catch them. Either we take the law seriously or we don’t.

Raccoons Victorious Raccoons Sexy Raccoons Too Nasty

I got married and had kids

Back in school, I was the teacher‘s pet. He kept me in a little cage and fed me biscuits.

Don’t capture me until I’ve had my coffee

The fact that they can't get a random sampling of citizens from any city to indict people for interfering with ICE seems more informative than any political poll, tbh

This is like starting the Shit Cereal Company and selling cereal made from shit and then blaming consumers when the company goes belly up because they didn’t want to eat shit

Genuinely thought they were the same band

If someone says, “I need to get my bearings straight,” I say, “The Bering Strait is not for sale Madam!”

I changed the water in my fish tank yesterday and this morning (like 12 hours later) I found a killifish on the floor still alive. I put her back in the tank and she seems to be doing fine. Looked it up and apparently some of them can live out of water for a very long time. Cool!

Me and the boys rolling up on Golden Corral

It’s annoying when people use leftist interchangeably with liberal, but it can also be funny. Like a guy on the news just said leftists are really upset about what’s happening to James Comey. And like lol I can assure you that’s not the case.

Everything we’re dealing with, this fresh hell every fucking day is thanks to the Dems/DNC kneecapping progressives instead of republicans.

Minimum demands from here on: - Abolish ICE immediately - Prosecute and jail all ICE leaders nationwide, and any ICE goon who can be proven to have violated the Constitution - Prosecute and jail all Trump administration officials responsible, inc. Cabinet level - Abolish Dept of Homeland Security

There’s a billionaire for every disturbing thing you can think of. There’s probably at least two billionaires who analyze dog dicks in their spare time.

Since all these Nazis have a cooling period of between one to five years, I figure Matt Gaetz is due for a comeback pretty soon.

James Carville just showed up at my house completely naked, covered in ghee and old bay seasoning. He’s telling my cat all about the ‘92 campaign and ruining my couch.

Um, ICE just coldly shot an unarmed PRIEST in the head w a pepper ball when he (and everyone around him) clearly posed no threat. For the crime of … complaining about government policy. Core 1A speech. With cameras rolling, they’re sniping priests for sport.

Go Jays!

NVIDIA and OpenAi: Concerns that their “increasingly complex and interconnected web of business transactions is artificially propping up the trillion-dollar AI boom.“ @bloomberg.com $NVDA 👀 www.bloomberg.com/news/feature...

Thought this said, “Armed with nothing but hateful dreams…” and now that’s an adaptation of Wonka I’d like to see

Every time I watch Road House I remember that every time Bill Murray watches Road House he does this

The Democrats aren’t yelling at Ezra Klein, they are in lockstep with Ezra Klein. People who aren’t morons and want things to get better as opposed to worse are yelling at Ezra Klein.

I mean, Bush was directly responsible for the creation of ICE, so let’s not paint him as the good guy here!

Liberals: “Why do poor rural voters vote for Republicans against their own interests?” Also liberals: “Why would someone not vote for a Democrat just because of their stance on one issue? This isn’t a purity test!”

If there was ever an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin, I would slap that stupid bitch

What I love is how airplane crews announce that we are pleased to announce our arrival in XXX city 30 minutes early… (I get it, I’m excited too) … and then we pull into the gate 50 minutes later 🫠

She got pissed having to wash the bedsheets 17 times a day

I didn’t know Kash Patel was so hands on! But seriously folks, let’s figure out who this piece of trash is.

lol it’s this guy

I noticed you don’t hear too much about ‘big government’ and ‘states’ rights’ these days

BREAKING: Mark Sanchez was released from the hospital and promptly got drunk and stabbed again.

southsideweekly.com/federal-agen... The building is in a 27 million dollar foreclosure filed by Wells Fargo. The next day, Wells Fargo filed an emergency motion for receivership. The fascist regime kindly emptied the building for donor Wells Fargo.

Yeah man, normal people don’t talk like this. Not even remotely.

His butt is where her boobs are

Holy shit Trevor Lawrence that was amazing and I don’t even like you

When you’re a kid, you have all these dreams of what the future will be like, but then it just turns out to be JOEY DIPSHIT SPURNED FOR HIS LOVE OF STEAK N SHAKE NOW IN CHARGE OF MEET THE PRESS

Trump’s order to deploy Texas National Guard troops to Chicago is illegal, immoral, and must be stopped by the courts. ICE is already wreaking havoc in our communities. Let’s call this what it is: an invasion by out-of-state troops coming here only with the purpose of tormenting Chicagoans.

When Stephen Miller hijacks the Major League Baseball social media account

President Barack Obama bin Laden, anybody done that one yet?

I love that drill baby drill is the only lasting legacy of Sarah Palin, and most people probably don’t even know it was her that said it

How can you expect me to turn the other cheek when I haven’t even turned the first cheek yet?