I’ve heard some people say now we’re cookin with gas, and still others say now we’re cookin with Crisco. Me personally I say now we’re cookin with poop.

I wish I was the unpopular foreman of a gritty crew. I’d trudge around pulling up my pants yelling, “Get back to work ya buncha bozos!”

if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself

i guess we know which one of them had the hoes

Lmao up yours Comey

I’ll get you, Charlie Brown, and your little dog, too!

If Charlie Kirk was so pro-life, why did he die?

Awesome, I hope they destroy her. She’s been useful lately, but undoubtedly only to suit her own ends. Libs will be heartbroken, but it’s actually good when awful people fight other awful people.

DOGE is disbanding after an estimated 600,000+ people died in other countries because of USAID cuts to lifesaving food and medication. Elon Musk will go down as one of history's' most prolific mass murderers of children. Anyone driving a Tesla is supporting a nazi.

Wait, hold up. Now she’s doing 9/11??? This woman must be stopped!

NFL player injuries are insane. They have to know millions of people have them on their fantasy teams, how can they be so selfish.

It’s simple: Move all the money out before they cum.

Happy Make Sure to Defrost That Turkey Now Day to all who celebrate.

Update: He’s out again. Listen, I’m not offended by his sexiness, in fact, I’m turned on by it. I am offended you didn’t wait until after Thanksgiving to stoke my Yuletide libido.

Here you go dumbfuck, it took me all of thirty seconds to find one, which means you didn’t even look, you just rushed to defend your favorite multimillionaire. www.yahoo.com/news/article...

Fixed it

apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy

bolsanaro reportedly upset about going to prison because it’s taking him away from his true passion, going to the hospital

Reading about a terror attack that happened in the U.S. It’s called “9/11.” Bro it was crazy.

Me after having sexual intercourse with the Pope

Goochland Restaurant Goochland, VA

When you’re crushing so hard you start dressing like them

My neck, my back Lick my pussy and my crack

Pretty embarrassing for Ryan Lizza to have never heard of felching

Rocko's life was no more modern than yours or mine. So ask yourself... who was pushing that messaging?

I updated my settings to opt out of their AI, and now all of a sudden it’s telling me (incorrectly) that I have almost 10,000 unread messages lol. They’re punishing me.

I occasionally laugh out loud when I randomly remember the time my work friend sent a congratulatory email out to the entire department (like 100 people) that said something like, “You did it guys! Everyone give yourself a hand job well done.” Possibly the worst omission of a comma I’ve ever seen.

With all due respect sir, if someone learned that kind of lesson, they may be best suited to represent people. But not her. She’s just moving on to the next grift.

If Marjorie Taylor Greene won’t fight for us who will

In front of a portrait of the closest thing to a socialist president we’ve ever had. Wtf is going on.

I grabbed the outgoing mail at work because I was going to check our PO Box, and I almost tried to mail a TikTok prop they forgot to take out of the mailbox.

What color alert do we issue when someone’s drunk uncle is on the loose?

Oh shit. Oh fuck.

Is MTG retiring just so she has less shit to go on the record on for when she runs for president in three years?

I hadn’t seen this one yet. Jfc I don’t even know how to process this.

🔮

Ok so apparently nobody else tried it, but when I ask, this is the answer I get.

Ask Siri, “Siri, what’s the main ingredient in holiday nog?” Trying to see something.

So what’s the angle here? Does Trump just wanna be buddies because of how wildly popular Mandani is? Kinda seems like it.

There is nothing lesser about this evil

I stole it. Right after I stole her heart. So there’s two reasons she not wearing it. Because she’s in love with me and because I stole it and got $50 at the pawn shop.

I’m sorry ms nuzzi (oooo) I am four eels Never meant to make your daughter cry I am several fish, might kill this guy

it's friday

Fuck Truman, but yeah

Mike Johnson saying that fully releasing the Epstein files is a threat to national security is so funny. Like, "Sorry but that's a load bearing pedophile cabal."

Gonna Tim the Toolman Taylor mine to be so powerful it rips my dick clean off

(guy wearing one of these voice) listen guys, you need to take that hammer and sickle out of your bio. it's weird and off-putting to normies

And that’s saying a lot because Obamacare largely sucks

And the face of that brand is a duck.