yeah and it would be really hard for an ex-judge to get another job

"antipope" but saying it "antipathy"

Col. Steven Lockjaw fancam set to "Creep"

yeah it was "pretty good"

if one battle after another isnt really good im going to be so mad at all of you

the leonardo dicaprio be in a normal-length movie challenge, difficulty level: impossible

another good day for the Gymnasium Pervert

Seeing someone drinking coffee: Afternoon Bean! Youre Beaning in the après-midi. Le Café de la trade. Bean Boy. Beaning It Dumb Boy Style. Having a -

no other scientist had the guts to really tell it like it is

and now the only person who could answer this is dead. guess i'll never know

It’s weird that a “booby prize” is the prize that goes to the person in last place ‘cause it sounds to me like the best one

Here's where furloughed workers can find special freebies and discounts during the government shutdown.

im calling this my Autumn Era

sure a chimpanzee is much stronger than a man but what is its Defense stat? can a chimp survive a car crash?

[blue swede voice] Iiiieeeiiieeeiiighhh'mmm so fuckin hungry

im also adding $30mil in donations to my annual income

“We have a small group component to this” is code for “time to hit the bathroom for a good 15 or so if you don’t wanna do this bullshit”

i think the funniest coda for all of This is biden giving a eulogy at his funeral

Trump: "I'm very careful when I walk down stairs, like I'm on stairs, I walk very slowly. Nobody has to set a record. Just try not to fall because it doesn't work out well."

thats right Paddington. very good!

"if the protestors get one of the guns, they get to keep it. fastest hand in the west, they used to say that. old-fashioned term."

[giving a live televised speech] "and we have great weapons, beautiful weapons – especially the secret ones. we love the death rays dont we. big. beautiful. death ray. and china doesnt know about it. russia, well-"

Godzilla vs King Ghidorah (1991)

whoever scheduled the speech for before 10am is doing elder abuse

"what are you going to do, coup me?" -coup victim before being couped

apparently theres someone named Benis in my office now

i have catlike reflexes* *taking a walk when custodial staff starts vacuuming around my cubicle

steve perry "faithfully" voice:

🎼the big red turd that lives under my belly doesnt give a shit about me 🎵

One of the deadlier single massacres in American history. There's a reason Black and labor history are so thoroughly erased.

lmao just remembered when they were trying to make TACO a thing

i was worried ai would be used to do deep fakes and other fake news but this is so much bleaker

akron, harrisburg, and the state of oklahoma are places i dont want to visit again

didnt know the kitchen window was open when i starting belting out Jodeci. yes it was the song you are thinking of

What isn't?

"people are saying terrible things – horrible, nasty stuff – about Sasuke. they say he's a bad guy but i dont think so. they all said the same thing about my good friend, close friend, really: Shadow the Hedgehog. and, well, i dont think anyone would say that now."

nothing beats pickles with the homies

Pickle Pickle Burning bright Give me sodium If you might

yeah man this is how my 90yo grama talks. "i went up there and the teleprompter... [blanks on what happened next] ...it had nothing on there! but i did it! i'd like to see my cousin ginny do that!"

chichi proudly watching gohan about to destroy cell

i think i've had my fill of the nathan pyle/jon bois style of humor. it smells like 2018.

My show @geniusnight.bsky.social is tonight!! Wow!! I’m all aflutter. This is gonna be great

i would never want to drop Rares. i do not wish to be grinded.

if i could go back to 2002 i probably would go to wal-mart and i'd try to get some trigun or ghost in the shell tapes and a copy of final fantasy x to give to my brother so he wouldnt become a republican

working up "democrats must embrace war mindset" rn, but one of my beliefs is this: dooming is itself a reaction to the fear of responsibility. if all is lost and nothing matters then you can't be criticized for your choices. it's not "cold eyed reason." it's an easy escape. comforting

its "gotta go fast"