If you would earnestly prefer angland win against Mexico there is truly no place in Heaven for you

Guy who can’t remember the word for “hookah” and keeps saying “loofah” instead

Intermittently repeating “Dark Taoist” and laughing to myself

My ass will be laughing

Such a useful post imo

People are funny as shit i just remembered this guy who worked at a place my wife worked at right out of college who had basically never been to a bar (otherwise very standard issue white male) and ended up at a happy hour I was at and looked up drinks to order at a bar on a phone and just said a

“Just the sandwich” orderer some really dark energy imo

Calmly explaining to us socceroos at the bar that the us created Bosnia and Herzegovina in the 90s so they could beat them at this year’s whirled cup

Enunciating some funny shit

Mf name Pierre Coffin

My wife said my enunciation “has been really bad lately” after asking me to repeat something this evening. And I said “okay I’ll try to be better” and she was like what? And I was like I’ll try to be better. And shes like, what the hell did you say, I cannot understand you

In the 90s the house phone would ring and some jackass would say blah blah blah and i’d give the phone to my dad and he would calmly say “this is he.”

Showing up exactly as I was before: “Call me Paul way I’m a New Man in this bitch”

She Mad on my Gascar til I Antananarivo

All the guys on the us team are video game generated

White people really funny as hell when they’re too hot

"Let's play four games in a row against the Miami Marlins." Whether you win or lose, it's psychotic behavior

Jenner for cheap my GM is cooking, dog

Thank god tomorrow’s Friday

As a lifelong Mexico supporter, I am super excited for Sunday’s whirled cup game against the great bastard, angland

Of course theyre swiss. Shut the fuck up go be calvinists you freaks

If I was pope and someone consecrated bishops who they called ‘catholic’ I would simply cut their heads off

Speaking to black mold spores firmly thus eliminating any potential issues

Calling my wife’s work phone from bed to tell her that I am getting in bed atm rn

My wife: goodnight 😊🥱 Me:

People are sometimes like, you clearly just read the headline!! And it’s like, buddy, I did not really even do that

Wow posting

What the fuck are you talking about

Juan Draper

The fuck did you say lmfao

This guy is so fucking funny. Whole personality is having a meltdown at all times for no reason

the tree of life? the tree of knowledge? how about the tree of us getting a damn beer.

when a business web site has blog articles

my sheer gossamer tech vest has driven all the VPs insane with jealousy

As a hater, you’re always looking for ways to hate better/more

Chuck Brown never shouted out shit on the other side of the Potomac all I gotta say about that

But the greatest of these is Being a Hater

In a world where you can be anything, be A Hater

Hader is an old German word for “hater” so folks named that, you know, they’ve got that in em

I am as god made me, a Hater

Ruth Hater Ginsburg anybody do that one probably

Crazy that the red socks, the last team in baseball to integrate, have lost to the Washington Nationals, arguably the worst team to have ever played baseball

The Miami Miarlins

People are a wonder

The Doodoo Butt Broken Ass App

Nailed It

When my wife wears air maxes imagine it’s because in some other life she went to like, NYU or something. When she wears sambas I imagine we met on the terraces following a club somewhere in Europe

Taking pictures of various coworkers’ desk setups and loudly saying “fucked up!” while laughing

I saw the “men’s national team” play live once. It was a friendly and it was probably in the bottom five “professional” futbol matches I’ve ever seen in person. And I’ve watched a fucking lot of futbol in person. This was like ten years ago but it’s the same

Liquiditity