Rober Malengourt

Bro no look bro no. You don’t even gotta tell me about it rn bro. I know you steady Stupid with it

Bro can I slap you silly with it rn

It’s time people get out the way I’m Dumb with it

It’s wild that Robert deniro grew up from the guy in Taxi Driver to the guy in the meet the fockers and it never once came up like I feel like the Ben Affleck fella shoulda said something like hey didn’t your shoot a bunch of people

I feel like the gal who wrote the ‘not gonna write you a love song’ song is mad at me.

For the fifth consecutive quarter, my work purchase request for the Jackass 127H Air Horn Kit has been denied.

Bro I heard you had to reboot

don't need group chats; i just speak loudly down an abandoned well

Submitting a high priority IT ticket to create a “6-7” emoji for MS Teams

Instantly iconic when it came out hasn’t aged a day tbh

I’m putting my garbage in your pillowcases

Rammalamma dingdong? Sir, speak plainly

I’m personally obsessed with the special sort of imbecile that most americans are in their fixation on how discussions shouldn’t be ‘political’ or saying something that isn’t about panera or a marvel movie is ‘philosophical’

Right about now, the honk shoo brother

Kumbia different

Reading Comp (comp time for reading)

theyre doing this to me later

A youtube outage is funny to a guy like me

Thursday, you say? Heh. Sure, man. I dunno. Doesn’t make a fucking difference to me,

More like Nancy Give-up-si

Something my personal surveillance device does now is not take screenshots of things sometimes. It tends to not do so of text-centric items. Probably just a funny coincidence

Custard: The Thinking Man's Beverage

Bone Scientist: I just invented the bone ray👨‍🔬 Bone Wizard: Boner ay🦴 Bone Warlock: Boner ayy💀 Bone Sorceror: Boner ayyy☠️

Trojan Course

Texting my wife “we fucking did it babe” from bed

Ever since I was a boy, I’ve wondered what products would be endorsed

I love that one show on streaming where it’s like the protagonist has a dark secret, and he’s surrounded by lovable characters, and an event happens that forces the

‘Latent’ means “intent to be late”

I immediately knew who it was (Pepper Ann)

That Dawn Platinum tune goes hard

Inventing an Apple iPad that doesn't beam memories of the previous owner's grisly death into your dreams every night

Peejamas

Babe you haven’t commented on my thin surface layer composed of aromatic amino acids and inorganic minerals

Jellous adjective /ˈdʒel.əs/ To be jelly like

And you people like this sycophant

Asking my wife if I can wear my dinosaur pj’s

Mail Loneliness

Me when it's beaver supermoon

Having a popsicle and flicking everyone off

Internal audit CPA at the dick sucking factory

It’s crazy how many people have trouble shitting normal

I said I was the cops And your husband’s in jail The state looks down on podcasting

Issuing a proclamation requiring all ‘Think Tanks’ to be filled with raw sewage

Standing up at the office holiday party to say “Can I thank a baddie without y’all getting mad?” and introducing my wife

Work awards speech where I professionally, but with a little emotion in my voice, thank “John, for being *that Bitch*”

Guy calling UPS “to see if my package is okay”

‘A Moving Truck’? Heh. What, they were all out of Moving Dinosaurs? What are you fucking five years old? Lmao