Such and such team hasn‘t punted tonight? Their punter needs to show up and take some initiative. fight For and create an opportunity to demonstrate their skills and value. Basic business stuff here

Must have been funny as hell pretending the beatles Christmas song didnt suck ass when it came out

Sitting in bed holding a pint of ice cream with a gloved hand and eating it until my wife sees me and hits me with a baking sheet

Skip the line at the airport by simply hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. It's like going on a mini vacation.

So many dirtbag subtypes that are basically extinct now

I don’t need a therapist, I have my mold spores

Michael Kors Lite

A Hook and Crook type mf

posting about indie music on bluesky

Pretty sure I’m gonna get at least 100 chickens from these eggs. Easy. No way I’m getting less than that.

Serving a 'smoked' cocktail by lighting steel wool at the base is yet another innovation from Chef Your Shadiest Cousin who trained at Behind the Garage

Wearing Long Johns around the house like they’re normal pants until my wife hits me with a rolling pin

That's not fair, you can't call me Burger Man just because I suggested burgers for lunch one time. -Crab Man, after suggesting burgers for lunch every single day at work for the last 2 months

Is the fifa 26 game worth 29.99?

Call me lay miz way I’m eating that mozzarella

They should make all famous people Box each other until there is but one Most Famous person left

Carthage shoulda Have finished the job would have saved us a lot of trouble

They are calling him The travis Kelsey of fucking up

I said “I were already been doing that” earlier and the person looked at me like I was crazy. Classic non-DC person reaction

A Neither Here Nor There type mf

i am sorry bro but we can no longer be friends because of something i read on co-star app

Okay real talk though I can't believe there are people that whine about how Pluto isn't a planet. You haven't been there you not alien idiot, who gives a shit?

Oh yeah, last night when I was half asleep I imagined a turtle Pope. Little turtle in a Pope hat. Bene

They’re letting you add protein powder for $1.00

MLB bouta have a players strike AND no new Venezuelan players in 2027. That’ll be brutal

60 minutes? I’m sorry, but none of those folks are lasting that long

Leg Assy Media

I knew a guy who would buy knit winter caps and cut the poms off

Dubble quardor pouner with cheevs

A bit I want to cultivate in the new year is ’accidentally’ cracking the glass on my office entry so that they have to repair it and then a week or two later doing it again and on and on adding time to the interval between repair and next breakage each time

Adding protein powder to my double quarter pounder with cheese

Wishing your least favorite relative a Merry Crashmas on your behalf

I’ve never ‘crashed out’. I am not a toddler so this is Easy to Me

I am reminded of Jesus’ timeless words in moments like these. “Stunt, Queen”

A colleague told me another coworker finds my air purifier obnoxious so I’ve moved it so that it is directly in front of me and between me and whom I am meeting with just for them. I’ve also taken to turning it up to its highest setting when that individual meets with me

I am Posting to you from The Web-Based Format

Debuting a perfect 1930’s patrician accent at Christmas dinner

They should write a song about Christmas

Practicing various sports as close to the Christmas tree as possible

This is why Eric Adams was working with the Turks. He’s trying to recover the relics of Santa Claus and save Christmas

Guy who goes “what a fucking BOP” at every Christmas song that comes on at a family function

Time to order some Christmas presents online

Fibrous Eats in your area

Nodding and saying “I fuck heavy with that” when offered anything at the Christmas gathering

bring back beautiful male r&b singers loudly yearning for the pussy in a rainy washington dc alleyway

Bro you’re being so bilious. you need to check your humours

There are people who, upon being given a numbered table marker for an order or a numbered deli counter ticket or whatever, don’t say the name of a professional athlete(s) who wore that number and share associated thoughts

Been sitting on these hats I got a couple weeks ago to ask My Wife what she thinks of them. Thinking today might be the day

They’re letting me have a snack