Just watched The Bridge on the River Kwai, what a picture

Oh is there a weddingball

Yeah I’m thinking about the marriage at Madison Square Garden…the marriage of rap and rock at the final stop on Run DMC and the Beastie Boys’ iconic Together Forever tour in 1987

the blair witch got a little carried away and everybody had to make a whole big thing about it. those are her woods. let her live

In this house, we believe it’s always soup season

Black Phillip: Wouldst thou like to live deliciously? Me, sitting on the couch clad head to toe in old navy fleece, air conditioning set at 68°, Xbox controller in hand, mouth full of cheesecake brownie: Huh?

Love days where it’s so hot and humid the weather’s like, “I’m sorry. I know I didn’t give you any warning, but I’m gonna have to have a little thunderstorm about this. My bad.”

Gaslight (1944) but it’s about Bluesky slightly changing the font on the site every couple months

Every couple weeks some asshole gets hit on the head by an acorn and comes on here claiming Bluesky is dying

Bluesky is for serious debate, if you make me laugh I will fucking block you

Few things make me cringe harder than the reviews on recipe websites that are all about how much the husband liked or disliked it

That telegraph writer clearly has issues that go beyond the “sneering odium” of Bluesky’s user base, but I will not be defending this site on yet another day that it isn’t functioning

Maybe tomorrow

buzzing with excitement to tell you that the 1993 Eden Book Society books are now published. These books are written under pseudonyms; one of them is me, and I will never, even on penalty of death, tell you which one, but I'm very proud to be part of this project. deadinkbooks.com/products/the...

I love how autocorrect only does its their/there switcheroony when I’m calling someone stupid, like it knows, and it wants to see me humbled.

Me when I’m using a functioning social media site

Feelin like hell’s jungle out here

Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana were right, it *is* a hot one

I find the most erotic part of the korn is the scatting

I’ve become the proud owner of my grandparents’ record collection, and we need to talk about Mac Davis’ Midnight Crazy

Pronouncing Korn with a C, nobody will be able to tell, but I’ll know

bodies in santanas wake

If you catch me using “easy words” in my writing, it’s not gonna be because some booktok-poisoned childbrain told me to; I assure you, it’s only because I’m not very smart

when you die all your unused rewards points flash before your eyes

With all due respect to these new movies I will always believe the heart of the Evil Dead series is a simple and chilling question: “what if demons were real and they Three Stooges-ed you.”

If the pistachio shell is closed that means it was dead before roasting and should not be consumed

Uh oh, I just learned something really troubling. Did you guys know that the United States national team is from *that* United States? The evil one? With the empire?

trump could be the first president since harding to snuff a ziegfeld girl

They didn’t actually look like this right? The Habsburgs? Like there’s no way? Juan Carreño de Miranda definitely had it out for Carlos II, right??

Cannonballing into the baptismal pool at President Trump’s Great American State Fair Semiquincentennial Celebration

Yoikes

Me when I’m trying to contain my glee

Senate powerhouse Mitch McConnell was rushed to a hospital Monday night "in an abundance of caution" after being stricken by "death-like symptoms”.

Just overheard this conversation between two of the workers: W1: Wait. You’re saying somebody LIVES HERE? W2: Yeah, she’s staying with her daughter until we’re finished. W1: Jesus. That’s fucked up.

They used to call people things like “the Master of Horror” or “the King of Pop” or “the Sultan of Swat” but mostly now we just kinda wait around for death

Unlike Boy George, I would never claim to know all there is to know about the crying game. Once you stop learning (about the crying game), you start dying (no longer playing the crying game)

I’m uncomfortable about what it says about me and my character, but I’m deeply excited to learn what happens when Trump sets off 85,000 fireworks in our nation’s capital

New contender for all time worst book pitch

“What if Tom Clancy had written Left Behind?”

Only couple I want to see up on the Empire State Building is King Kong and his beloved wife Brenda Kong

Looking at that couple on top of the Empire State building and I just don’t think I’d like to be up there

Just hit a I’m in my 40s milestone. Saw everyone talking about how it’s been 24 years since the usmnt won a knockout round game and was like “so what, like 1985?” Y’all

This is “it’s not about West Virginia it’s about the western part of Virginia”’s biggest summer ever

Trump: It's not working! Why don't they love the fair? How do I make the crowds cheer? Oracle of DC: If you test your strength against the heat with a very long speech, the nation will celebrate harder than they ever have. They will party in the streets. No one will ever forget the night.

I don’t trust the trivago man’s teeth

*any time I see the initialism for the US men's national soccer team* Ah yes, United States Mutant Ninja Turtles

Around the World in 80 Days, a Travelogue of Ethnic Stereotypes 1872-1956

Your honor, I was frozen at the time

If it happens on July 4th, my faith in America and the principles it strives for will be restored. I will buy a big ass flag and fly it from my porch.