not to brag but i've been "going to exercise tomorrow" for 500 days straight now

I regret to inform you that stretching really does make your body feel better

“oh, i wish there were some kind of punctuation to chain these two sentences together” the humble semicolon:

I keep this screenshot handy when someone's replies start to cross the Nicholson Line.

A real text my mother just sent me and Google's translation

Mamdante

it was very smart of me to plan an international move + new job for January of the new year so I don't have to be bothered thinking of original new year's resolutions or anything. they're all just built in.

gonna start 2026 off strong with a nap

new year, new cat

"anything above zero kills people"

2026 goals

in 2026 we are NOT hustling, we are NOT grinding, we are doing just enough Job to have money for Video Game

I can't be normal about anything so here is my lucky lemon lotl for 2026

blocking anime avatar porn accounts dropping random likes on my posts like a game of whack-a-mole

May your new year be as joyful as Smol Paul on a box 🎉

*getting carded at the karaoke bar and then getting uncarded when the bartender hears my song choices*

tonight I got to introduce a friend to both 'This Be the Verse' by Philip Larkin and 'Don't Call Me Dude' by Scatterbrain and I consider that a very successful evening of cultural embiggening

tonight I got to introduce a friend to both 'This Be the Verse' by Philip Larkin and 'Don't Call Me Dude' by Scatterbrain and I consider that a very successful evening of cultural embiggening

yo the bi-mart called and you'll never guess what

I did not, in fact, sleep at all and now I can taste radio waves

A guy at the grocery store asked me this a few months ago and I said “why, do you want to kiss me?” and he reacted like I unplugged him

me, a modern human, intelligent: got an important thing tomorrow, hope I can fall asleep my nervous system, unevolved, an idiot: we will respond to this threat like it's a lion on the Serengeti

reminder that in this house we say fuck Marjorie Taylor Greene and the repulsive horse she rode in on

DOJ Removes All Mentions Of Justice From Website https://theonion.com/doj-removes-all-mentions-of-justice-from-website/

alright everyone can stop calling me susan now

Time for a little post-Christmas tradition I call "going back to bed"

jump scare when you click on a story about the erstwhile Kennedy Center and the first thing you see is this apnews.com/article/kenn...

hey do you want to read some of the most annoying replies on earth

welcome new followers, I love you all except the ones being annoying in my replies

In 2025 I have been able to buy many video game and also donate a decent amount of money to multiple friends in moments of need and I consider that a very successful year.

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

2026 goals

My energy for 2026

ah geez i blowed up my mentions again

*art supplies

in 2026 we are NOT hustling, we are NOT grinding, we are doing just enough Job to have money for Video Game

so you're saying we should get em now

Time for a little post-Christmas tradition I call "going back to bed"

SHOULD auld acquaintance be forgot? our panel of experts discusses

the week between christmas and new years is for moving from room to room with your bag of treats

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

RIP Magda who once saved me and my wife from an entire five pound pork shoulder not twenty minutes off the smoker

I am the niiiiight and so's my wiiiiiiiife

I somehow missed this www.texasmonthly.com/being-texan/...

ah geez i gotta tell my dad his dog went viral

worked out nicely! I followed this tutorial to make a simple square envelope (origamiok.com/origami-squa...), and added the lavender flowers at step 14

oh come all ye faithful with Tupperware

Mewwy Chwistmas from this sweet potato