shana tova 🍎🍯

noooo not my jimminy kimminy

gawrsh

Charles II: Did you finish that statue of the Archangel Michael defeating the devil? Luisa Roldán: Si y yo hice la Diablo real fucking sexy, just like you asked

Pack the court. Into a cannon. Then fire the cannon into the sun

Everytime I hear about Chief Shithead John Roberts I briefly imagine he's instead the far superior John Roberts who voices Linda Belcher and it makes me smile

fantastic, now I can go back to ignoring jimmel kimmel

Oops! All Bed

I take two naps in the morning I take two naps at night I take two naps in the afternoon It makes me feel alright I take two naps in time of peace And two in time of war I take two naps before I take two naps And then I take two more

oh word?

a Mary J. Blige compilation album called Much o' Blige

Eustachian Tube sounds like a Charles Dickens character

hey whatever happened to rudy giuliani after he heroically saved that woman fleeing a DV incident/got in an unrelated car crash

spiders garage

fuck it, weeble

person who's never seen a Frankenstein costume: oh, and what are you supposed to be? Frankenstein's monster: that's what I'd like to know

Victor Frankenstein watching a bodybuilding contest: what the fuck is this bullshit

the crazy thing about Sarah's books (which you should read) is that it's not like she has any secret information or sources. she just puts things together and doesn't act like she was born yesterday, which is more than our major media institutions can manage.

Some Christians think the rapture is happening in a window between the 21st-24th as in starting tomorrow and if true dear god come get your children and leave us in peace why tf has it taken this long

Trump Grows Bored of Tariffs After Learning an Even Newer Word: tinyurl.com/3czu5e23

a pumpkin spice latte in every hand and an Ugg on every foot

Universal Basic Bitch Income

people around me often mistakenly think that I'm not worried about a thing simply because I like to keep all my anxiety inside my body, where it can do the most damage

Universal Basic Bitch Income

Snar = snail + jar Bought for my sister this morning. It’s very silly.

god if only

People who are willing to compromise the bodily autonomy of one group will do it for all other groups until it doesn’t exist at all and they won’t care because they never actually believed in it in the first place

“pick a struggle”? actually i’m sprinting across the parking lot with an armful of struggles because i tried to grab one and couldn’t figure out how to get them unstuck from one another. AND YOU CANT STOP ME

Got out my camera and went back to the frogs.

Oh yeah? Zuckerberg is inventing more wearable tech? The guy who needed a team of stylists to transform his appearance to that of a 16-year-old white boy who gets arrested every Halloween for pulling pranks in suburban Illinois? You wanna wear the same glasses as him?

*going back and deleting several posts not bc they're bad but just bc it's embarrassing to be posting so much*

that's america's ass(hole)

is it just me or is google's "AI overview" getting worse and more aggressive every day

"the progressive epistemic bubble is getting really bad" guys whose turn is it to burp nate

KID WHO DID NOT GET INVITED TO TED'S AWESOME LAZER TAG BIRTHDAY PARTY: i fear that even the most somber of my classmates are now infected with what I'm calling "Ted's Partyism"

le bleuskyisme

go ahead and write about how bluesky is dying. it only makes me post harder

a bunch of final fantasy games are on sale for the switch right now, including this 6-game bundle, in case you need a distraction from the horrors and the bullshit

Deydies and gentledem, da weekend!

it's so cool that android updated and now i can't rotate an image on my phone

for no particular reason other than we all need some distraction, post a skeet of yours below and I will handwrite it and share a picture (unless I hate it, in which case I won't)

Taking my first drag before I walk into the CVS minute clinic so I can qualify as a former smoker

"The group has been meeting at the facility every Friday since 2006 and praying for the immigrants that are held inside. Martínez has been attending for 18 years."

should have been born in an era where I could make a comfy living just by having very good handwriting

Wenn ich mal Angeklagter bin, werde ich den Sam Bankman Fried Gerichtszeichner nehmen und nicht den von Luigi.

I think it's neat how as a kid adults are always telling you how important it is to take care of your teeth, brush & floss, &c. then once you're an adult it's like, "oh, did you want to keep your teeth? should have thought of that before you got a liberal arts degree"

tangent, but have you all seen those toothpaste commercials that are like, "BE DENTIST READY"? LIKE THAT'S THE POINT OF BRUSHING YOUR TEETH

jake auchincloss gluck glucks water like a goose with a feeding hose

I like sour things, but salt & vinegar chips have always just felt like a punishment to me. what sins are you atoning for by eating these

salt & vinegar chips taste like they don’t like you