I don’t see why we as a culture feel the need to continue to make a Christmas Carol after the Muppets completely aced it.

Follow white Christmas with black Christmas, achieve grey Christmas.

TIME TO WAKE UP AND CHOOSE VIOLENCE (elf)

System of a Down is consisted dad music now, and that's true, correct, and good. Time marches on inexorably, and makes dad music of it all.

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@profanity.accountant let’s go baby

This is the cenobite that will come for me when I finally finish this damn puzzle box.

A third Larry the cable guy special has hit the Christmas challenge.

truth coming out of her cup noodles to shame mankind

I stand by this

I did amazingly on my hair yesterday and this was the only pic I took 😫

I actually cannot stand White Christmas. Is the titular song iconic? Yes. But then you watch all two hours and experience such songs as “I miss black face” and “when did musical theater get gay?”

The Christmas challenge saved my life emotionally last year and it might just save me again.

Watching the parade My parents, hopeful that one day I will bring them grandchildren to fill their home with laughter and joy My dumbass pointing at the tv screen explaining to them “that’s my boy Goku”

Forget football. The real sport that matters today is the national dog show.

Hey you fuckers want some bad poetry ?! Well here you go. (It’s my bad poetry. Please be nice. Only I can call it bad)

I have a coworker Who is a JW and she just explained to us that while she is not allowed to celebrate a holiday on the assigned date she is still allowed to cook a thanksgiving style feast a different day this week. Religions are nothing but loopholes.

METAPHOR TIME! Imagine you’re on the highway, on a long road trip going somewhere. You’re starving, your stomach is grumbling, and you see that there is a McDonald’s up ahead. Then you see a sign for a cute café at the exit another 5 miles away.

It may be the intervening decade talking, but season one of True Detective is so incredibly camp that it comes off as a prestige version of Garth Merenghi's Darkplace.

Who wants to send me 500$ to take a puppet making class at the art school in town.

that's the thing about 25 year old boys, I keep getting older and they keep wanting to fuck me

Thought: Start an only fans! It’s fun! People pay you for nudes! Reality: editing every pimple and stray hair on your ass for an hour.

What’s fun about going to concerts alone is you can just push through the crowd like you know someone up front until you get close.

a second they might be giants concert has hit the traci.

love when tubi adds like a hundred more found footage horror movies and i get to go scroungin around for the MAYBE three watchable ones. get a nice little surge of that old dvd bargain bin feeling

“You are the perfect bug, the perfect bug, the perfect bug” -Trent reznor if he was an entomologist

When the concert you go to doesn’t play any songs that make you want to cry <<<<

park that car drop that phone sleep on the floor

The ticket girl at the theater even was like “coming back again?” When I entered my third film of the day.

Here I dreamt I was an urban planner.

moral of The Chair Company is to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever go to Ohio

Dating is so annoying. Guys will be like, "I'm working all weekend," and there's a good chance they're not even lying

Shout out to the minivan going 100 mph on 480

Hell yeah Columbus! Cleveland and county welcome you to the fold !

*karen o voice* wait, they won’t peg you like i peg you.

Billy Bob Thornton fills a very important role in modern American cinema right now and that is being a guy named Billy Bob.

Finally. Cold enough to sleep with the weighted blanket. My mental illness is cured

It’s all about directing your energy, I guess

What it feels like in Ohio tonight

I certainly hope no one’s on the lake carrying a load of iron ore, twenty-six thousand tons more then they weigh when empty.

As a VeryNoseyPerson™️, I absolutely love when friends overshare on the socials. Yeah, baby, talk about your messy divorce. Post about getting fired. Tell us about your daily commute on the struggle bus that is your life. Share those cringey affirmations you perform into the mirror every morning.

Oh yes. VERY YES.

Do you ever miss twitter?

Good dick is forever.

As good as I am the Earth to no longer have these people on it, it’s a shame that they got to live full happy lives with very little repercussions for their evil.

I will support any New York mayoral candidate who admits bodegas are just convenience stores and everywhere in the world has them