dropped something giggle giggle tee hee

Do you mind if I bring a friend (body dysmorphia)

Dear Businesses: do not send me a Happy Birthday email unless you are giving me some free shit!!!!

It’s hard to do my usual barfday shenanigans on Bluesky since there’s no way to send pics in DMs, but these are the pics I would have used and sent people if they showed me they donated to an animal shelter. I did post on X, but since I never post there, I’m pretty buried (which is fine tbqh)

Woke up and I guess I’m 40 now???

Marty Supreme (2025)

This is so Ireland-specific but whenever I order a taxi I hear in my head "oh girl, you've got Freenow"

‘She done already done had herses’ to the tune of ‘Ding-Dong Merrily on High’

Being gay is truly a mental Illness bc I keep saying “O Tannenbaum” in my head like how RuPaul says “Oh Pit Crew”

Rulers in ancient times be like

Me: doesn’t pay a lick of attention to astrology. Also me: oh em gosh this makes so much sense that David Sedaris and I are both December Capricorns with birthdays right next to each other.

Would love nothing more

A spot?? From lil ole me???

I’m a strict top.

But... Jesus is a bottom?

Gay men 🙏

Sing every Christmas song like you want Jesus to fuck you

Meowy Catmas and Happy Mew Year

Merry Titsmas and Happy Boob Year

Whenever someone is having a tough holidays, I find it to be really helpful and soothing to just quote Love Actually at them.

The thing I never understood about A Christmas Story is why did the mom hide the fact that Ralphie beat up the town bully from the old man? Wouldn’t the dad have been happy his son stood up for himself??

Ready for my Hallmark gay holiday romcom “Marry Chris Mess” where I play a man named Chris whose life is falling apart so he decides to do an advent calendar of dates (a different guy every day of December leading up to Christmas) in hopes of finding his St. Nick

I have killed no less than 4,000 fruit flies today because we had bananas that were browning really fast…which I ended up using to make banana bread with….but that then attracted ants into our kitchen (and onto the fresh banana bread 😭) and so now I’m gonna spend Christmas in a sanitarium 🙃

December Capricorns

The thing about Elf is that it is a perfectly paced movie and also it features Amy Sedaris

They call this “clothing” or something

Absolutely obsessed with her and her ginormous gingerbread head 🥰

this is bait to try to get me to talk about gros michel vs cavendish bananas

My first time swallowing...

Eating a banana with banana flavored yogurt and I’m sorry these do not taste the same!!!!!

Me ten days before the new year

Me 10 days before the new year

My New Year's Resolution is to play more video games but that works too 😭

Impossible, I gotta make it to next year first💅🥹

Mine is to actually be cuntier

agreed. i won't go first, but it's something i've noticed.

Our Scruff critic this morning.

Me 10 days before the new year

I hope some of y’all’s New Year’s resolution is to be less annoying!!!!!!!

Me 10 days before the new year

Posted that abdominal snowman thirst trap slash pun to Facebook so that the people I went to high school and college with can know that - even though I don’t have any children, discernible talent, or purpose in life - I do have a decent rack and body.

Ye old annual tradition of watching It’s A Wonderful Life (and making fun of it)

We’re watching the rain 🌧️

Me 10 days before the new year

Merry Crisis

Why did Frosty join a gym? He wanted to be an abdominal snowman ☃️ 💪🏻

SCS (Soft Cookie Saturday)

Merry Christmas! Here’s the Tupperware I’ve been meaning to give back to you since February!