I cannot say enough good things about this! Amazing how much more I enjoy a show when the main characters are women.

🎶Doooooooon’t stop belieeeeevin🎶 Okay well I never started so now what

Nice try! Your email can’t find me because I am dead.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

“Oh, man, your vibe is really off I think I’m gonna have to remove myself from this negative space” me when I’m around toddlers

Sorry to my dead mother, but this ornament of Pope John Paul II is going into the trash bc fuck that guy

cc: Cortez Masto, Fetterman, Durbin, Hassan, Kaine, King, Rosen, and Shaheen

More like Vote Blue No Matter Poo, amiritefolx

Suddenly feeling… handsy. 👐

👁️ 👁️ 🕳️

The Senate, which stems from the Latin root word, Sena, meaning butthole of disappointment.

I know it’s only November 9th, but I will not apologize for being a falalafag

“I didn’t come here to make friends!!!” I scream storming the buffet line with Tupperware

Man, I don’t think I love anything in life as much as grandmas on Facebook love commenting “beautiful family” under pictures

One thing about me is that if I see you struggling to take a selfie of you and your friends, I will 1000% offer to take the picture for you

Y’all know I am short. Like short short. But did you know I am actually only the height of a Champagne bottle? 🍾 🌈 💫 🐁

Just because I like to smell what's cooking doesn't mean I'm stirring the pot, and just because I stir the pot doesn't mean I put the ingredients in there. 🤷🏻

Nut allergies are no joke.

fuck marry kill is just the evolution of a romantic relationship

Caturday meowning

Shirts are just snack holders

we love an un-throupling press release ig collab post

As a VeryNoseyPerson™️, I absolutely love when friends overshare on the socials. Yeah, baby, talk about your messy divorce. Post about getting fired. Tell us about your daily commute on the struggle bus that is your life. Share those cringey affirmations you perform into the mirror every morning.

Actually, it is somewhat easy being green 🤷🏼‍♂️

Slow Horses oh you mean gays on k

“A second consecutive Trump term…would perhaps have been better for the country’s future than what we have now, the bottomless catastrophe where an elderly Biden and his supporters in the Democratic Party dumped us.” BRUTAL. But…probably true.

How kids on vacation stand when their mom says “let’s get a nice one for Grandma”

Nancy Pelosi is one of the most skilled politicians of my lifetime, and even though I know it’s uncool to be a big supporter of any Democratic establishment person, she is truly the most effective Speaker of the House that we have had - and probably will ever see

I’m not a spiritual person but I truly hope this happened to Dick Cheney yesterday, but with a voting machine based in Brooklyn

Get him and @dgschell.bsky.social a political show

Well I’m toast. biiiieeeee ✌🏻

So those gubernatorial races in Virginia and New Jersey were about as tight as a butthole after a gangbang

💙 or 🦋

It’s just really nice to have a few hours where the news about politics isn’t complete and utter shit being smeared on the wall by the dumbest fucking people

Groceries too expensive?

A guy at the gym asked me to spot him doing dumbbell shoulder press and he wanted me to like touch his actual bare arms during the spot and I have come to realize I don’t want to spot you if I have to physically touch you, sorry toots!

If I ended up in your skircle, congrats, you’re mentally ill.

Many people don’t know this, but the court in food court is short for Courtney

Shameless plug for 25% off bc No, Nut November or something something whatever who cares just ogle my goodies onlyfans.com/thejacko

Cake Pop Semen Grunters

Hung out with Molly on Halloween night so now I get to spend all week like this

Cheap ass target with their 30% off Halloween candy go get fucked

Used some pink/purple hairspray for Halloween and it left my hair a slight shade of pink. I don’t hate it tho.

Sorry I am both dumb and gay, my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me

Sigh... Me too.

I wish for more wishbones