Sponsor says I'm ready to sponsor people. I gauge the level of responsibility I can handle between fern and dog

Creature.

Ex gf left me alone with her cats one afternoon and I had like 200 pictures of them when she got home

Orange man bad!

I should be able as a free American to buy a Skoda that runs on propane and only requires a motorcycle license. If I die on 75 North that's an acceptable risk

They're only killing people because you're mean to them online

Charles Mingus' Bass Pro Shop

y'all not talking about this found evidence because it doesn't fit your leftist narrative

Dropped a lit zippo then thought about how they don't have any child safety features

I'm a sexual humidor but your thing is cool too

I love “we knew this already” or “are you just learning about this?” Replies because I picture the person typing it wearing a “sarcastic comment loading” t shirt

god I wish that were me

It’s autumn

the Secret of the Ooze is that it was made out of acetaminophen & puberty blockers

Bullet "evidence" startin' to get a little too specific and whatnot.

This driver is going to become a spree killer

If you're going to shit talk cookies shit talk sugar cookies. The ultimate nothing dessert.

One thing I know about the music of my paternal lineage is the best sounding bagpipes are a guitar with an effects pedal

This kicks ads. Signed, software keyboard

Agatha Christie's "And Then There Was Cum"

Jesse Watters: “You’re married to Stephen Miller, so you are the envy of all women.” Katie Miller: “The sexual matador.”😬 Jesse Watters & Katie Miller appear to joke about how unf*ckable her husband is.

Any fans of poop from a butt vodka cocktails?

Good to see they've worked out her accepting a vial of Elon jizz

No. Here's 4. Me and my new friend read Black Hole together recently. You should read it too

Counterpoint: they're the best cookie

I don't know when people started giving quizzes about bands on people's shirts but when I was about 14 our neighbor sat out back with me and got drunk while telling me about visiting Jim Morrison's grave. Why the fuck would you gatekeep any music?

The real name of the cone of shame is an elizabethan collar? We've been making our pets do Tudor cosplay?

I was originally trying to draw Modigliani Bowie but I failed to do that. It's still OK Probably gonna try to copy Modigliani again soon

Leaving that tab there forever

Leaving that tab there forever

his name is gus and he is such a good boy

Bowl of questionable cheese

oh no, there's a fan in there with him!

Was looking for something totally not this, but found this from four years ago and lmao

There's something wrong with the funny books

taking tylenol PM so i am only autistic at night

The inventor of the kcup wanted his coffee room temperature in ten seconds

I'm just built different (missing toes)

I probably have more pictures of glinner on my phone than his ex wife does

I saw someone call Eve Barlow Amber Heard's Kato Kaelin and it just feels correct

for every 100 likes I will increase the size of Homer's hat