possibly billy’s most endearing feature? when he plays too hard, he forgets to close his mouth

the coolest part of many people liking a picture asking if they would like to sit with billy was that like five or six people said no

It's called a cast iron pan because you cast it into the dishwasher

billy comes to sit in your lap do you like it? y/n

i think a good name for a cookbook would be Let’s Cook! but if the publishers wanted something more specific i think we could go with Let’s Cook… With Bryan!

“at the end of my suffering there was a door” would be a good slogan for a door company

heres something good to look at

the good old days… people would do good to remember. hold on a second Computer Enhance

(thinking of alcoholism) yeah my uncle has really bad corona virus

trying to maintain eye contact with oprah at the dinner shes invited me to while feeling blindly under my chair to see if there is a key fob

at oprahs house

in baraboo WI googling “salads near me”

the last line of this glück poem always kills me

didnt have a lot planned for the high school club i lead but i accidentally began by saying “let’s fart the meeting” so that pretty much took up the time

working on my stand up set

still thinking about the very bougie craft talk fundraiser where an author mentioned studying with percival everett and the crowd gasped then clapped

accidentally said “bless you” to someone who turned out to be tsk-tsking their phone

“a rolling stone gathers no moss”? simply one more thing i don’t give a fuck about

oy mista

took a 100% accidental dose of edibles and got really upset that novels are made up of scenes

you need to get your shit together man

don draper’s scorned lover whispering “you should go” in tears the night before the big TJ maxx pitch

computer enhance

ITS TUFF GUY FRIDAY

i love when i log into something and it tells me some shit like Notification Hub is now Alert Village

i thought it was cool in the michael jackson movie trailer how they wrote down “mama say mama sa mama coosa” on a notecard so that he could remember it. thats all my questions answered

billy looking so chic in these old photos im on the phone with vogue

writing “wayne is garthness leaving the body” on a piece of paper because i have a migraine and cant post

bröthers

a little bit of campus folk horror

just realized that ive been praising a movie as “small” for several years because i watched it on a plane

struck with a desire to bring my cat to the voting booth so strong that i had to sit criss cross applesauce on the floor until it passed

just fyi i listened to some late period Sun Kil Moon out of morbid curiosity and its essentially “Trapped in the Closet” for adult fans of Modest Mouse

maybe i would unplug my thumb-drive properly if you didnt make me pretend to throw it away??

<3 angel <3

check this shit out

this voyager record depiction if eating and drinking is so nasty. “tell the aliens we like to get down”

visiting my friends with a newborn and they keep talking about how they need to change him. “we’ve already changed him five times today” im like, you need to give him a chance to be who he is

mail carrier is wearing an entire tiger outfit under their usps shirt: swag level 180 million

texted my younger mfa colleague to say i was sad i was going to miss her party and she texted back saying she figured as much since it started after my bath time

my mom <3

my opinion is that halloween is obviously an amazing holiday at an amazing time of year but that the veil is a hundred times thinner on like november 11th

on one hand, Friskies is an amazing name for a cat food. but it also would be an amazing name for Anything

do you think they played around with “gayest-looking”?

¢𝖗ê𝖗

doing a cam rip of the barebones show tonight $20 dm

ahab is such a slamdunk name for a grizzled sea captain its crazy

a lot to like here

feeling really Seen by the new ebay AI integration