Hot AND funny I love him

Sorry to be Carrie Bradshaw but something happened in the last two years or so where 2 out of 3 bodegas no longer sell cigarettes and it is driving me crazy

All my friends should be made to live walking distance from me. I don't care if this massively upends their lives

I can't stop thinking about the Riyadh Comedy Festival. A Saudi prince watching Whitney Cummings and being like, "That is what dating on the apps is like. She nailed it"

porn star name idea: Christian Mingle

transness isn't an ideology. im not an ideology. i just am. just bc the world's politics involve being violent towards me does not make my existence itself political or violent

This Saturday, in Brooklyn, I'm hosting *7 7* again! Comedy from @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social and @rebeccatkaplan.bsky.social, reading from @leahreich.com local voting info from @thetimhunter.bsky.social music from @chrismcintyre.bsky.social and more! (more fun than the flyer suggests.) See alt text.

Being a bisexual emperor must be the most stressful shit in the world. You go to the inner palace and your wives are scheming. You go to the outer court and the male concubines that you promoted to viziers are fighting. Your wife just poisoned your favorite twink eunuch. There’s no peace

I was back at 26 Federal Plaza today, where an ICE agent violently threw this bereft woman to the ground in front of her kids. She had not touched him. She did not pose any threat. She had to be taken to the hospital. (🎥: Elias Eliahu)

Our former cohost (not on bluesky) joe barlow pointed out that it is nearing the ten year anniversary of the time I, him, and @briangaar.bsky.social launched a local late night comedy show in Austin. And only nine years and 2 months since we got canceled!

what do you guys do when you sleep on something wrong but you dont have a chinatown where you can get someone to beat the shit outta your back for 40 bucks

cruising is a form of touching grass and is healthy for society. not a phone in sight just people living in the moment

Really interesting tidbits in this latest NYT focus group

I wasn't crazy about Eddington when I saw it but the amount it has come up in my conversations since then has to speak to a quality I didn't appreciate at the time

this is horrifying!!!!! tw tw tw tw

ICE is terrorizing my neighborhood (Pilsen) and so many others in Chicagoland. There have been sightings and abductions everyday. Please support our rapid response efforts: bit.ly/punofundraiser

I feel more like Rowlf the Dog’s piano the way I get played

been watching this 6x a day this week

Yes I believe in traditional marriage (pig girl and the lizard)

Hey guys! Glad y’all did the post. If yall are the podcast listening types me & my friend @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social have a podcast about scammers. It’s about liars, frauds, thieves & bullshitters and we routinely cover political grifters. Last week we did RFK Jr! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/l...

Is this our first failed open micer shooter

i feel in most relationships one partner is miss piggy and one partner is kermit. it's important to understand which one you are

And all these fuckin imps are routinely in the same room together. Laughing weird with bad skin and like spit in the corner of their mouths.The vibes gotta be so bad you can actually see them in the air. Scientists could probably study that shit to power a spaceship that could fly straight to hell

@peezytx.bsky.social said something very profound on the latest lie cheat and steal episode (dropping tonight): "you can dive into any culture on this planet and identify the dudes that want to be men and manipulate them"

Like every mf that’s been forced into our public consciousness via him since 2016 has been wack as hell. No swag, unfunny, zero bitches, clearly hated by everyone they’ve ever met, no homies, weird smile, probably fuckin stink and go to hotel breakfasts barefoot and drink milk. You know they type

when i start talking to people who did not ask about professional wrestling

Did cumin and lamb evolve together like humans and dogs did bc every culture eventually figured out they taste fucking good as hell together

Sorry, I’m not reading your article. If you want me to understand your politics, please write them on a bullet and shoot me in the head. Thanks

crafting the grubhub order that is going to fix all my problems

also i so wish there was a better way to describe this kind of stuff other than "world music" but "hybrid genres consisting of funk and psychedelic sensibilities fused with traditional/indigenous/folk forms of music from various countries" it too long!

Writing ANTI-ICE on a bullet because you live in a Ben Garrison cartoon

im always trying to get my friends to go see """world music""" (afrobeat, chicha, etc) but they are too ironypilled to deal w a white guy wearing kente cloth playing the bongos. even if the nigerian guys he is playing with specifically asked him to play the bongos and he's really good at the bongos

the king of kong is one of those documentaries like the jinx where you could not write it better than what actually happens. every character is perfectly constructed to fit their role in the narrative, it's so fucking good

I really wish Conner o malley would stop using ai :( I get it’s for jokes about ai but you could make the jokes without actually using it

i cant go through this every time there is some kind of shooting in public. this is america, that is every day

writing "self defense" on all my ammo just in case anyone ever asks me any questions that are already answered by the ammo

At my funeral I’m gonna get someone to slip a “btw I found out what causes autism. I’ll tell you tomorrow” into the eulogy

Once you realize that right wing pundits on CNN try to rationalize Trump stuff as “this would be the reason why a sensible person would do or say this” you start having fun because it gets harder and harder for them

[logging on every day] man what

Getting compliments on TikTok

I went to a cumbia show about a month ago and it was the hardest I've ever seen someone go on an accordion

I think it’s a really embarrassing bit of nationwide theater to pretend that a racist podcaster means anything to the world. he lived for nothing and died for nothing. the world is laughing at us and we deserve it because all this shit is fucking stupid!

If I showed you the guy playing the Theramin at this show you’d say “yeah that’s definitely the theramin player”

I have a free show this Saturday 9/27 at 7pm at Awesome Brooklyn (653 flatbush ave in plg) 👍

I love being @pattymo.com’s number one Instagram reply guy

Pathetic AI Chatbot Spends All Its Time Talking To Friendless Loser

extremely high risk high reward subreddit is r/cathelp where 50% of the posts are "Hey, vet here. Your cat is doing something called "being cute" and 50% result in a euthanized cat

LMAO

I have a free show this Saturday 9/27 at 7pm at Awesome Brooklyn (653 flatbush ave in plg) 👍