LUKE: What do you think it would be like, R2? To drill Master Yoda in his green old ass? R2-D2: 🎵🎶🎵🎵 LUKE: You're right. And doing that crazy puppet face. Making his Miss Piggy sounds. R2-D2: 🎶🎵— (knocking on wall) YODA: hear you both through wall I can

Hey can I watch your dog run and play around? I forgot to bring my dogs

Final Fantasy Tactics taught me my turn based pussy eating style

The "Secret of Skinwalker Ranch" is the name of the hard cider varietal they sell produced from the orchard out back. If you buy a growler they take you on a short tour and tell you skinwalkers aren't real.

Spending days traveling through the Amazonian rainforest to accuse the shaman of being addicted to Ayahuasca and staging an intervention

Yeah, the guy uses all his Holodeck time just sitting in the corner smoking crack. He doesn't even decorate it like a hotel room or anything, it's just the straight grid. He's sober on the ship. There's no rule against it but we've all lost a little respect for him. Generates a crack pipe every time

“How to Jack Off Your Cock" is Michael Pollan’s sweeping and often thrilling chronicle of the history of self stimulation … intertwined with a self‑deprecating travelogue of his own cautious but ultimately transformative adventures as a middle‑aged masturbatory novice.”

Seagulls only target white people food. If you bring a plate of soul food and leave it on the beach it will remain completely unperturbed. Hold a big bowl of bibimbap over your head, they won't touch it. These common sea birds are vehemently racist.

Never watch a meteor shower with a UK Grime rapper. Every shooting star "got me vexed"

I would like to begin this post by acknowledging that the Cyberspace on which we gather today is the occupied/seized/stolen/ancestral/traditional land/territory of the True Posters who are all around 35-40 by now with varying degrees of life success and/or mental illness

This is one of those moments when the hollowness of our democratic systems becomes visible to the public. Facts are verified, but deliberation is pure performance, and accountability is nowhere. The system absorbs truth without ever acting on it.

Took a bubble bath and forgot to add in any water. Jumped in and severely bruised my pelvis. The bubbles did nothing to cushion my fall.

Recreating RedWall with all modern rappers. E-40 badger. Drake fox. Kendrick - wolf. Figure out Gunna etc. unfortunately I'm on death row and the project likely will remain unfinished

In 2025 we will realize Human beings were supposed to have been collecting pollen with our eyelashes this entire time. We are nature's most negligent pollinators

I just saw Jewel at tent city :( she's homeless again :(

Hail Mary, full of grace! Cameron is going to reveal Na'vi pussy in the new Avatar. It looks like a fern frond. I chiseled off a bunch of plastic with a flathead screwdriver down in the Florida theme park on a statue but there was too much damage to make anything out. Can't wait for the new flick.

Switch all ICE agents out with the guys from those ghost hunting shows and vice versa. Ghost hunter cowards will be meekly peering around aisle corners in Home Depot harming no one. Meanwhile armies of fascist ice agents will be storming old asylums. We might actually catch a fucking ghost for once.

Monstera houseplants depend on the polychloride vapors off gassed by vinyl records for respiration. If you remove them from their natural habitat, the IKEA storage cube unit they quickly wither and die.

Cop on an Ebike. I've never been less intimidated in my life. Going to chase him around with my car for a bit

They're lying about Selena Gomez's age and they're lying about tectonic plates. I think she's younger than 33. 28? Will figure out the plate stuff later

SonichuReynoldzWrap and 4 others liked your post. 3,500,742 other active Bluesky users did not.

Buddha taught that life is suffering due to attachment and desire and that all things are ultimately impermanent, but they didn't have Six Flags back then. The one by my house has been open since like 1996

Sneaking a tiny red Curtis Sliwa into my Imperial Guard Warhammer army

Does anyone know which soup is the best for increasing Primal Endurance? Minestrone?

caught these zoomers in the graveyard exhuming a body last night. said they're going to make a corpse the #1 youtube influencer to further confuse and disorientate elder millennials. Fucked up

Whenever I take my dogs to the groomer I ask her to save and bag all the shaved fur so I can make broth when I get home

having a little get together at my place for the end of my 14 day adobe acrobat trial if you wanted to stop by

First aid kits are always such a disappointment. It starts out so promising with gauze and band-aids, great everyone needs those. The rest is always complete filler. Tiny bullshit scissors. It should be required that 20 percocet pills and a bunch of loose candy be at the bottom of every kit.

The rapid rise in distribution of Dubai Chocolate is the demarcation point indicating that influencer reality has officially breached the hull of regular 3d time space. I welcome the coming fresh nightmare sheen over everything. No escape from the timeline now. I saw a labubu roadkill last night.

Everyone always talks about how crazy emergency rooms get during the night of a full moon, but nobody ever mentions how chill they are during the waning crescent...

The names of the missiles these countries are firing off are way too boomer coded. Shrike? Hellfire? If your defense minister got killed by the Goated_x_X_x_Femboi air to surface missile morale would be in tatters

I can differentiate between router and modem off vibes alone.

It's Marge dealing with taking care of the kids and mourning the loss of her husband now. Yeah, it's horrible. They hired the guy as a writer and he immediately killed off Homer. He was trying to be provocative or something. They're finally cancelling it.

Kill off Homer next season! Grow some fucking balls! JFC. Elder millennials will tune back in for one night to say goodbye........ Plus who gives a shit!! Kill off Homer!!!!

They should make "hot chicken"

Just guessed PIGEE in Wordle. Literally thought to myself as I was typing "Maybe they fucked up spelling Piggie" They would never choose Piggie as the word even if it was the correct letter amount! Feel like a fucking idiot right now.

I'm done getting grossed out by finding a little strand of hair in my food at a restaurant. I'll suck hair. I'll bite hair. I'll suck every ponytail in the 5 boroughs! It's nothing to me. I want to eat hair now. Not like it's a dirty fingernail. Hair is clean! Everyone shampoos regularly.

Debuting my new character Hawkwind Tuah tomorrow. Simply the perfect Mother's Day present.

Oh boy looks like things got a little out of control last night

It's the year of the lilacs! Wow!!!! Terrific blooms! The colors! Fuckin hell! Holy fucking shit!

yelling Fetterman! when I take a turnaround J on an empty basketball court

Israel should go out of its way to make a beloved animal go extinct as they finalize their Gaza genocide with the ground assault. Go around the world and kill every giraffe. No one is going to say or do anything. See how far you can take it. Yeah, sucks the IDF executed all the giraffes. Oh well.

I hate that new 2fa protocol that makes you run outside and take pics of 7 different kinds of bugs you find by lifting up the nearest rock. Stresses me out trying to find the different insects in under 30 seconds. Just let me check my damn savings account.

Dog parks should be closed to dogs every Thursday so shut ins, incels, widows and other lonely souls can congregate and mingle on the field.