currently typing this with my eyes closed because i'm fast asleep

(Secretly caring a lot) I don't fuckeng care

making a post right this second

if you buy the camera sunglasses they should put you on the sex offender registry

Your post had a profound impact on my life for roughly 3-5 seconds

*making them read allo guvna* 🤯

just realized british people read my posts in a british voice. that's sooo crazy.

sometimes i accidentally read crab man as carb man

thank u for tuning into mspw! see u later :) 👋

purposely misplacing something important to prank my future self

they gave me all these issues bc they were jealous of my amazing aura

we all have that one homie that wears matching socks 😭

sneaking a microwave into the movie theater to make my own popcorn

"uh oh" is such a valid reaction to any issue like what else can u even say

no i can't explain the gap in my resume any other questions

if u live backwards, that's evil

not now babe im accepting things i cant change

"the circulatory system is so long it could circle the earth more than twice" yeah sure pal 😂 next ur gonna tell me the brain generates more electrical impulses in a day than all the phones in the world combined 😂😂

hi nice to meet u!! oh that? that's just The Curse. pay no attention to it. it just lingers. that's what it does. anyway how are u

unspontaneously combusting

u can basically do anything with an allen key and a dream

fork found in road

painting my walls with peanut butter

happy mspw to all who celebrate

happy marie stupid post wednesday (real) i hope u have an amazing day!

explaining to the loan officer that i actually thought western civilization was going to collapse when i took that out

[youth pastor voice] easter teaches us that it has to be so over before we're so back

(Trying to be nice) My haters are genuinely really stupid. They were born that way I think. So it's not really their fault

Hoppy Easter was the only bunny to ever lay eggs. hence why she is now the mascot of Easter. they named it after her also.

just go ahead and follow me all of your friends already do they have me muted but still

(desperate to keep the conversation going) will u marry me

unfortunately all we can do is be the friendliest person known to man and hope for the best

it's giving what for

april fools! i have nothing to post. but i do hope u have a good day!!!

happy marie stupid post wednesday folks!! i hope u have a splendid day!!!

happy trans day of visibility!!! 🤍

the mall of america is kinda like if a mall was a little bit bigger

did u ever stop to think that maybe the elephant is sad that it's not getting addressed

sometimes i feel like you guys don't pay enough attention to me..

The lion does not concern himself with his obligation to the Internal Revenue Service

if you go ti the hospital are you allowed to request a nurse who doesn't have a tick to k

waiter, a round of various shit for the table

from now on, i will no longer be receiving information. thank you for your cooperation

My mood lowkey depends on various shit

"ur so wise" thanks i just regurgitate what i hear

if you are trying to contact me from a higher dimension please stop . I have shit to handle