Going through a lot at the moment, but the forecast I made up says things will be alright, if not better. Hopefully I’ll be back to nonsense spoutin’ soon. Bumpy roads, take me home.

Local hunter embarrassed to learn deer antlers fall off naturally and there was no need to kill in order to secure such trophies.

sharp as attack

This fish is fully self-actualized and yet they call it a flounder.

oh wow, a six-digit code, right on my phone! I will share this with anyone

Choose Your Broth [Start Broth Wizard] | [I Know What I Want]

The greatest trick the April Fool ever pulled was making us believe the lies and pranks would stop after today.

Making my emotional return to sitting down in a chair after a minutes-long hiatus.

Reslaxing right now, which is, of course, a portmanteau of Restin’ and relaxing. Cheers

“Con Air” but John Malkovich is a powerful mage emboldened by a strange stone he keeps in his stomach

friends…it was all a ruse. I’m not evil, it was all a big jest, to appease the dark god, The Fool of April. I made all of it up, as a gag 😔 much love and peace to you all, especially those I wronged through my evil posts…

a great filibuster would be to pokerap all 1025 pocket monster names after saying: "we are here to discuss the pressing matter at hand. Let me be abundantly clear; we are NOT here to discuss Pokémon, not… (fellow party member begins beatboxing) bulbasaur, ivysaur..venu-“

wow! great day for evil ba, momentous! Senator Rick Scott just called me to congratulate me on how many creatures I slaughtered in the gulf of america using only helicopters that drop poisoned pellets! and for my Library Coup

Haha gotcha! I would say that hypothetically

love a good book! burning!!

my boys, ‘Truck Gang’, just put spiked wheels on our three-ton smoghogs. time to ride! first stop…a nursery of rare saplings 🤩

success! fwahahah! BHaRFF, my AI music model that only pulls from Bandcamp is up and running! the henchcrew tells me it is even better than Taykr, my AI model that only pulled from Etsy

you know I keep that evil thang on me (special car-keying key that looks like red white and blue punisher skull)

AI Art is the only true art!!!1

To me they’re just Town

unwashing my hands and licking my lips maniacally before joining your blunt rotation... hope you like 'revolving door' by crazytown bc that's what I'm blasting out of my samsung galaxy s4 full blast on repeat

just punted a box turtle into a wood chipper... twice

oouuuugh! My damn cyber truck broke down from hitting too many animals, gummed up the wheels! this…will only stoke my ire, and raise my Evil Points

the only thing that is “good” is being quite evil…

the forces of good cannot harm me! I am burning styrofoam to pass the time rn

ACAG, actually!

love a good book! burning!!

unpaid intern is the best idea ever! but they should have to pay for the valuable work experience too imho!

just microwaved a fish in the office. it screamed and popped. "april fool", I whisper before taking a bite...

our merry band is parting ways with Gordin The Autoharp Bard, it’s honestly just too much. like wayyy too much

invite me on to your podcast, i must emit my tones. my tone gland needs to be expressed and your podcast is the only medium that can emit it with an elegant sufficiency. please, my tone gland. there is no other way to emit my tones, you have to understand. you must understand, it's my tones you see,

enjoying an ambient sauce straight from the container

we're rebooting the 'JAWS' franchise, but not some 'gritty' shlock. we start small - first movie is about a dogfish. second is like, nurse shark. then salmon shark. thresher. silky, etc. we move up the ranks: each installment, more threat. after great white? we move to fiction...meg. steampunk shark

my Mech Suit is made of wood and vines and the bounties of the shaded mountainside

“Con Air” but John Malkovich is a powerful mage emboldened by a strange stone he keeps in his stomach

a child might say some weird word like “brakshy”, and it could mean anything…

Never ever ever lose sight of the fact that I am just a normal young man who is interested in magic

findings re: Pie Law Research 1) anything you put in a pie crust becomes a pie. 2) except soup (possible related, see fig. 4). soup will quickly absorb into and compromise the structural integrity of the crust. it is a pie crust soup now.

power tends to rock, and absolute power rocks absolutely. this is, of course, in reference to metal subgenres

i don't care about being liked or posting bangers i care about collecting evidence proving the existence of lake monsters

I like to think of hummus and baba ghanoush as fierce rivals who respect each other, a real 'game recognize game' situation. equal nemeses locked in an eternal tahini dance...

(holding a flashlight below my face, casting spooky shadows over my simpleton countenance) ooo00OOo0oO0Oooo....noooobody knoooOO00OOoowwsss who THE HOUTHIS ARE

If a hideous ghoul rides a beautiful horse it cancels out and looks normal

measure your bad measure your good blessings are steel curses are wood

a new type of mold that envelops you in ninety seconds

finishing an extremely hot pot of chili with a single drop of rosewater to add a touch of delicateness

Follow for 100% cleaner teeth

(holding up my pokédex) dex: “72 plump hot dogs: the 72 plump hot dogs pokémon” me: god I love this thing

a real g likes and retweetd even the worst garbage his best bros produce 💯

woke up on the wrong side of the amulet today