Me: Diner, this is magich🎱. Requesting pie buy. Hostess: Negative magich🎱. The seats are full. Me: *crashes F-14 Tomcat into the rotating pie display* Hostess: Goddamn that guy.

lunch is a brilliant ray of sunlight peaking through the pallid gray of work

emails are, of course, psychic damage and will pass through all defense fields. Looking forward to seeing you at the 8 am meeting :)

HR wants to talk to me about the missing toners and why I renamed the conference room MAGENTA REALM

A fine Chuesday innit?

Me, with a Ouija board: Stan this will change everything for the web-head Stan Lee: I'm dead

I hope this email penetrates your ultimate defensive barrier said to nullify all magical and physical attacks

weeder, welcome to the Lunching Lads

At work I'm only speaking the words "yuh" and "grug" from now on

Spider-Man's web sound should be "quip" instead of "thwip", on account of his famously wry sense of humor

I don’t know who this joke I made is for, but I hope it finds them.

If I had fuck you money I'd hire Tower of Power to give my posts the powerful funk and horn section backing they deserve

Blue cheese evolved in a cave because it was waiting for someone to invent pizza. Now that it has the optimal delivery vector it can begin rewiring our brains for global cheese consciousness.

I like art. art thou gonna finish that?

We did it folks

You're never going to believe who's getting a diner lunch that's actually a diner breakfast when we're almost in supper territory.

What would I give to have a talking duck pal? Well for starters e v e r y t h i n g

I try to see both sides of everything. The good side, and the secret, winning side that only the elite knowers of stuff can perceive. I'm sorry if that isn't you btw.

Teleported from a 4pm Friday afternoon meeting directly to bed. No recollection of how I arrived home. A business wizard winks at me and flys away on a sparkling rainbow.

Pokemon G.O.R.P. Good Old Raichu and Pikachu.

The average American has three friends

is there an I'm just a little guy labeler? an I'm a little birthday boy labeler?

Avuncular (adjective): in the manner of an unc with a kickass tv/speaker setup

Nevermind that bro. Join warming cauldron chat instead and do you mind cutting your own vegetables thanks bro

Bro they're looking at your ass and imagining you're a succulent roasted pig in castways adrift on a raft in the ocean chat

Me: Give it to me straight. Am I regular? Doctor: No.. Me: am I degular? Doctor: No. You're eggular. Me: *gasp*

being pinned in a nice lady's bug collection would fix me

there is no escape

drinking a dr pepper because I'm a spicy little pepper man

Garfield taking the spice melange to gain prescience (wants to know when Jon will cook a lasagna)

phonkin on bobo

hi gas prices! hi Dr Nick!

going into self-imposed isolation for 45 years for this one

J Thee Salinger

Bar keeper’s enemy

#Mayllennial day 5: vhs

Getting high fives from the scientificos in the lab because my protein amino acid sequences all spell out FREAKNASTY

my boss: you're wearing a lot more sequins than usual me: i'm gracklemaxxing my boss: carry on

MTV's True Life: I'm a Hater

it's very important to gas up your cat with utterances such as: "whoa the big man is here! what's up big man!" "here comes trouble!" "the plan is in motion, the hour of retribution is at hand"

hastening my plan to become diatomaceous earth to avoid a 9 am 1:1 meeting with my boss

😸🔭

whenever I post something that gets no engagement I simply molt out of my old skin and fly away

in the war on elves the only winners are the cold iron mine owners

Lured to my demise by sign promising there were no lions around the corner

me, upon espying a catte: creature

[by day, loudly] I will never be shouted out on a podcast. I am not, and will never be, a "friend of the pod" [later that evening] Shout out to magich🎱dot org, a long time friend of the pod..

can I be a little coffee guy. drinking a little coffee around the house, or perhaps on the street. I will contemplate this for 100 years and get back to you.