it's about time for some cosmic microwave foreground radiation, if you ask me

Happy Canada Day 🇨🇦

Shout out to shapes for trying to look like cats

Lilith: ... God: ... Me: 🗣️

Quaffing a credentialed soda on this fine Chuesday afternoon. I think I managed to work in most of my gimmicks in one post, see you next month.

This meeting could have been a voyage around the horn

my sheer gossamer tech vest has driven all the VPs insane with jealousy

Something powerful happening here

Monday. Carpe Garfem.

when a business web site has blog articles

Lawyer’s like, Mr. TPL, we have reviewed your file and think you have a really strong case here. We’re offering to represent you pro bono given your situation. And being like, thank you but no. I don’t fuck with u2

Greetings from a dying mall.

On this day in 2006, an egg hatched to everyone's great surprise. This was the start of Xerxes, and 20 years later, he's still with us. Happy hatchday, Xerxes!

Late day so I hit the breakroom for a snack. Heard noises from the conference room. I walk in and see birds and bugs of all stripes gathered round the table with the words "invisible forcefields = death" on the whiteboard. They stop and look at me. Bug in a suit: Our inside man Me: Lets get to work

I don't just get results. I get 🐀rat results🐀 #ratresults

my mitochondria are hanging out behind the nucleus smoking cigs and breaking bottles

Setter to the Editor. Long haired dog chasing opinion section pundits around the yard.

well I was clearly wrong about this. I will venture into the dark woods outside of town in order to accept responsibility.

the tree of life? the tree of knowledge? how about the tree of us getting a damn beer.

rated O for extreme oaf dialogue

Guard's pathing broke again if anyone needs anything from the castle storehouse

There are wrestling games which don't involve a lucha space angel fighting a anthropomorphic urinal. They are called "bad wrestling games."

I had to take over the quiet room at work because I got real mad about extinct megafauna again (can't ever meet a giant sloth)

what a borer!

Galileo, after looking through his telescope at the countless stars making up the Milky Way: this thing of ours 🤌

my 5,000 mW blue laser ear wax elimination device is perfectly safe and any sizzling you experience is merely the laser releasing the powerful memory of a fajita you once enjoyed.

I had to take over the quiet room at work because I got real mad about extinct megafauna again (can't ever meet a giant sloth)

Mondays. Garfield might have a point here folks.

Got sent home from work for using the word "snazzy" too much on Teams

my wife and i noticed you from across the bar and we were wondering if you wanted to play legos

We’re in our boat era

BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD ATARI 1996 (Unreleased) (Shot on location at Galloping Ghost Arcade, Brookfield, IL, USA)

using my powerful mind strictly for noble purposes such as envisioning a big dog wearing sunglasses (the big dog is also envisioning a littler dog wearing sunglasses standing next to him)

I'm drift compatible with the guy at the gas station where I get beers

the zone was alright for awhile but they cut the budget for the soundtrack and background animations to fit in 8 more minibosses that keep glitching out when you reply "tentative" for a meeting

a real main menu type mf

TEMPEST ATARI 1981 (Captured at Galloping Ghost Arcade, Brookfield, IL, USA)

work, my least favorite zone

The name of the fully assembled Sega Genesis/32X/Sega CD situation is the Sega Polycule

manager called me in to discuss an upcoming project but he made the mistake of complementing my boots so instead we had a 5 minute conversation about how i'm in my "cowboy era"

Chuesday innit

(making small talk with goblin coworker) thinking of bringing some roadkill home for my kids to play with

I'm rushed into emergency surgery and when they cut me open the entire medical team starts losing their shit and giving me high fives because my guts are in the shape of the Cool S.

If I could offer a peek into my brain you'd see some forgotten laundry left on a clothesline blowing in the breeze. Free laundry that I plan to steal later hahaha >:]

Please support my new tactical condiments lifestyle brand Dip of the Spear

Me: I embrace oscar grouch mindset. living in the trash can of my dreams. hairy, green and unfettered by expectation my boss: you posted this in Teams me @all-staff: oscar grouch

This is the year of Linux at the breakfast table

Royal Rat® Hair Dressing

love a good parlor scene #movies #letterboxd #cinema #parlors