morpheus talking to you at the gloryhole You Think That’s A Man You’re Blowing?

they’re writing discursive footnotes about my dumb ass

Pricemaster tribute for the 25th anniversary yesterday

lifetime Edmund haters with longstanding blood feud eating good today!!!! 🍴😋

How to hit on women with 100% success #killer7

I forgot to wear my belt today. I don’t need a belt but it looks fucking stupid to have my shirt tucked in and no belt. Oh well, FUCK ME I guess, right? Guess everyone who said wasn’t gonna make it were right huh? Guess this is it

taking “the long sleep” now.. Yeah.. 11 PM to 6;30 AM that is

letters and mailboxes are enchanted with the same kind of protective magic as state embassies

Ask yourself, how did the first American colonists survive when they were out in the woods and didn’t know shit about anything? It’s because of the natural healing properties of ale and rabbit stew, which we are designed to eat. Join me in the Colonial Diet

Bel’s Fanfare is an industry plant

i'm exploring my creativity during unstructured play time

the Jetson and Flintstone families both have something to teach us

The world’s funniest comedian died at first his friends were sad but then they went to his boat and saw they left his final joke for them there they read it it said “i give you this special laugh the only way we all can know how” And smile

i went to buy a bloomin onion and realized on the way idk if outback actually does takeout, and i had this whole plan in my brain where i’d be like “well, if i got a table and ordered and then asked for a box for leftovers, you’d do that, right” but when i got there they just said yeah we do takeout

tonight when the news anchors find this freak of nature, they will film him and air the clip at prime time but at dawn he is alive and is coming out of his burrow in punxsutawney. it is a perfect winter morning. and as he stares at the ground, he casts twice as many shadows as usual

See: Anemone

uh yup i’m thinking my job situation is looking up- a mysterious individual known as “The Admiral” has recruited me to hunt werewolfs

Crew de Tay

she's so busy picking carrots she doesnt even realize the bugs are swapping her baby with a doll made of thorns 🤦‍♀️

the cut worm forgives the plow

cute couple i saw at the cafe

drifting in and out of sleep and experiencing sleep paralysis each time i wake up and it’s not good . I hope my brain is okay

can i get some of those Fero Rocker chocolates

markets predict an initial public offering of this account could go for 10 to 12 likes per post

i’m stuck in the twin peaks game on one of Cole’s blue rose levels

i’m attending a special school called Fashion High which has a curriculum based on S.W.A.G : Sweet Wonderful and Glamorous

medjed would kill in some fishnets

Mr. Individual Familiar With The Matter

i got captured by orcs and turned into orcmeal

you should be able to plug a snow shovel into your car to make the shovel heat up + emit a flame shockwave every 5 seconds

a battalion of elite ant troopers have successfully seized a sleeve of crackers containing 15 to 20 saltines

i just met rooster and he did the wake up cock-a-doodle-doo sound lol... i thought that was just for movies but he's really like that irl...

normal book: 😴 book that emits a low hum, and is slightly warm to the touch: 😮

don't call them outsider artists bro !

There's white on the ground I believe to be snow

it’d be funny as fuck if they did a musical episode of anything

they’re adding new elements

i’m going to jack off to this later

call me the prince of all cosmos the way all my cousins look weird as fuck

I’m a lively boy who can withstand the wind and snow of Aomori City! 👦

this neighborhood is so safe you can leave meat to thaw on the counter overnight and germs won’t bother it

Whose woods these are I think I know. He's Mario's evil cousin though.

This challenge is not for you. This challenge is Chip’s.

one of the guys from rae sremmud showed up to my hose and performed no flex zone and said i owed him 2 million dollars after, i asked him where the other guy was and he said he didn't know

"trust but verify" thats the latest thing with everything, they say "trust but verify" ...if you really trusted, i look at it, if you really trusted, you wouldn't need so much to verify, but...