still been in fly hell (10 weeks now? 12? lost count) so I got an insanely bad smelling trap that says its guaranteed to solve the problem, but I think its because it smells so bad I want to kill myself, which honestly would solve the problem.

you should be able to scan in a positive covid test to doordash to get a discount. I'm not being lazy just courteous!

if whoever has control of my voodoo doll could stop spitting on and stabbing it, setting it on fire etc and instead maybe suck it off / jack it off that would be ideal

Been more sick every day since Saturday I would love to be feeling better if anyone can arrange that

Tonight at 6PM PST!! Doing some drawings and making some jokes on twitch.tv/everythingnowshow don't miss it okay bye I love you

had to get this out of my head before I could keep living my life

Becoming an old timey pig. Saying shit like "va va voooom!" when I see an inch of ankle skin

got raptured early. its so sick up here

donald trump is going through full brandonization at an alarming rate

Text my trainer saying hey feeling pretty sick do you still want me in or wait till later this week he replies "don't care come in" I get here and he's like why are you here I said don't come in, turns out his phone predicts care after he writes don't lmao. Anyway, I'm dying bye bye

jerking on (built different)

🍉 1 week of streams and $12,432 USD raised for Palestine Children's Relief Fund!!! THANK YOU!!! I am blown away at the generosity of everyone that donated. This is such an amazing cause and I am SO PROUD of how much was raised! Huge shoutout to everyone that joined me on stream ♥️ Thank you!!! 🎉🍉

Our average stream viewership has gone up by about 400 CCV since we stopped posting on Twitter, and people on here actually see and click on links. Oh and it’s not run by a nazi pedophile. And you’re a fucking moron.

this exists it is called thinking

(constantly slamming myself in the nuts with a Gallagher mallet) yeah I dont know I just don't feel great lately

At da big gig

Ok I'm glad they are making this right

45 days sober and really questioning why lmao. World sucks and only gets worse. Really struggling to find any motivation to function besides spite. Probably fine!!

the joke that got Kimmel kicked off ABC isn't even at the expense of Charlie Kirk. the way the US is accelerating in fascism is truly scaring the shit out of me!

Saved you a click: they beheaded a horse

This full healed me. Plus a constitution buff until my next rest

Got an electrician, HVAC repair, a pest control guy and house cleaners all scheduled. Taking off the next two days 🤙 cya on friday !

Incredible!!! twitch.tv/hcjustin this guy lives in hell and has not killed himself!

what an absolutely crazy day one fundraising!! we smashed our original goal of $500 and raised over $5000 in a single day!! Thank you SO MUCH to my amazing community and the streamers that joined me today!! 🍉 I also passed over $25K raised on @tiltify.com across all charity campaigns today! 🎉🎉

@jay.bsky.team hope you enjoyed your weekend away from moderation apologia. when do you think you might be back in the office so we can talk about why this post is still up bsky.app/profile/nypo...

da sunday streama twitch.tv/hcjustin fundraising in a lil bit with a big Peak lobby organized by @shadowatnoon.onlyhippos.com to fundraise for PCRF !! Info here tilt.fyi/BmNgFzIZx7 (Link will work after noon est)

Imagine the world we could live in if money went to the sciences. We could have jacking off 2.0 by now but it doesn't have the funding.

LIVE! @hcjustin.com VS @gothiclorduk.bsky.social!!! COME ENJOY THIS FRIDAY ONYX DIVISION SHOWDOWN! Justin: twitch.tv/hcjustin Gothic: twitch.tv/gothiclorduk Casted on: twitch.tv/zainotv

Watching the cable news commentary on the bullet engravings is wild because none of these people seem to realize that the content of the engravings are indicative of extremely online meme brain rot

government of losers

getting that new covid dlc in 30 minutes. They made it that you need a prescription in my state but it turns out just being a fat guy qualifies you with no questions asked lmao

[wormy dipshit whose entire lifestyle and worldview is propped up by direct and indirect violence that they are privileged enough to be insulated from, and who only speaks up for an ethical respect for human life when the most wicked devils alive finally get theirs voice] I condemn all violence!

smell ya later chuck. thanks for the free press 👍

What a silly stream day lmaoo

curb episode where larry gets dragged to a birthday party for a guy he doesn't know and decides to write something funny in the guestbook. cut to present day, larry's at home watching the evening news: "comedian larry david wrote 'happy birthday, i know your little secret' in jeffrey epstein's book"

what waht the hell I think the president might not be so good

Hey check this out

First full night of sleep in weeks and I think I finally won in my war against flies. And now I'm squatting and all is right in da world

NEXT SUNDAY I will be starting a week of fundraising streams raising money for Palestine Children's Relief Fund! 🎉 I have a lot of fun streams planned with a huge cast of streamers joining me 😊 I'm very excited and I hope you are too!! Can't wait for next week!

gonna just chill big time and make a vegan Moroccan chickpea stew twitch.tv/hcjustin yessirrrrrrrr

johnny 5 reading a bunch of old playboys really fast and going nuts. spinning around with his arms in the air screaming for more porno

I really need a doo dah day it's been sooo long since I had a doo dah day

clips.twitch.tv/TastySoftFox... my dear friend Dave reminded me of this clip tonight

Long guy!

I should be allowed to ult all the bad people. Pressing Q right on them. Would be nice!

in Walmart yesterday I heard from an aisle near me "GUYS look at how cheap this is" and was expecting to see a group of people but it was just one teen with a cellphone streaming to tiktok or whatever. Anyway, nice to see a colleague out there in the world.

trying to make good on subathon goals this and next week twitch.tv/hcjustin starting with doing a jigsaw puzzle today