no no no. my fantasy world is completely different in a new way. these arent elves. theyre elfs. and they hate the woods

There Aren’t Deals – The Black Friday Truther

Recession indicator. Tomorrow they're gonna tell you the best way to fix the suspenders on the big barrel you're wearing instead of clothes

A portrait of a grey alien lost in thought in a diner booth. That’d be a good thing to hang in your coffee shop

america needs a president whos 10 feet tall 800 lbs and lives in a disgusting cave full of animal bones. snoring, scratching ass in sleep... but sleeps on a sacred gem with magical powers that they just like because its shiny. and YOU have to get it back. you sneak up and accidentally kick a bone,

PHONSHWR.BMF

Do your things on earth as your heart commands! When there comes to you that day of mourning, the Weary-Hearted hears not their mourning, wailing saves no man from the pit! (Song from the Tomb of King Intef) (ALL)

my friend is angel smart

Elf is a movie about how love is not possible

*coughing on thanksgiving turkey* What is this thing?? Where are the wacko burgers? *prying open the turkeys Hole with your hands* In here??

so sad that bill nye never got to talk to einstein... imagine those two brains in the same room. we'd have light speed travel

sometimes life is beautiful www.mckusick.com/beastie/shir...

last night was a public-private partnership

Liquor is proof that there is a more powerful creator being that is interested in you and wants to see what you will do -Benjamin Franklin

As far back as i can remember I always wanted to be president of an HOA. To me, Being president of an HOA was better than being President of the United States

accusing you of 'using my toilet as your personal piggybank'

sort of trivially true but I feel like having todays internet would have radically changed what it felt like to be 8-10 years old. so many instances of just not knowing something & coming up with completely parallel information structures with your friends (ie hundreds of myths for how to catch mew)

wild - apparently phil foglio (who is probably more known for other things, but who I know primary as one of the weirder golden age mtg artists) was the first person to illustrate the bsd daemon

This fucking psychopath

Check out vowels if you need to make a sound

as a little league coach saying "on this team every kid bats first - because you're all number one!!" and then posting a lineup that has a 1. in front of every persons name but it has my kid and his friends on top and when the game actually starts thats the order we bat in

if its world walrus day then here's one of my greatest works of art for such an occasion

If I was a glove, I would help hamburger

Dead Poets Who Didn't Even Know It Society

Opening chatgpt at 11 am every Sunday to ask 'what are the hot new trends that everybody is talking about'

you should be able to package posts in tranches of commensurate risk levels and rt them simultaneously

herzog's moby dick with a 50 billion dollar practical effects budget

The family is watching Frasier after eating a pre-Thanksgiving meal. I am sitting at the dinner table nearby listening to Hawk as Weapon by Conan on my laptop.

zoom meeting with all the creatures of the forest

burger opera with a burger on a greek column pedestal

baseball closer nicknamed 'Dr. Demento' who has wacky scientist hair and shouts "Eureka!" when he strikes someone out

every city should have one single sports team with a yearly fixed roster. so like eg the yankees nets and giants have to field like a 20 person roster with people who have to do it all

there should be a holiday where you just eat a big meal with your family for people who get too stressed out by friendsgiving

Must be the big star about to fall, Charlie Brown

(obama voice) we muted some folks

actually, being a raving snarling animal backed into a corner makes me more attractive

lmao!!

feel like something most people are not really taught at all in undergrad is when you actually need to cite something and what citation means, especially in stem

if your emperor doesn't pretend to idly conduct their chamber musicians with a poultry drumstick during feasts then theyre washed

fantasy protagonist to dying mentor: "we need to get you back to the wizard. i bet he can save you. it's only a three day walk... lets get you on your feet.." mentor: "and so I... depart the stage... here. take this..." (he produces his prized burger from his pouch) protag: "NO!"

this is an exact description of cugel

if you're still writing using the hero's journey, your mind is closed to all the possibilities

people need to stop asking me about 'the lore behind' shit. I was trying to live my god damn life! thats the lore

Reposting my take on Beorn n' Bilbo

the “thanksgiving food is bad” discourse raises its ugly head every year, but the truth remains that thanksgiving food can be amazing as long as you know how to cook. the problem is we’re throwing a few million sunday drivers directly into a grand prix

history channel special interviewing octagenarian burger war vets: "I was in company B14, they called us the 'quarter pounders', I remember that april, april '44, when we got to the first burger stand in that little french town" (black & white still of mcdonalds surrounded by military half tracks)

wheres my cut? more like old asshole audley

You only have disambiguated power. Get out of my sight