this comes up every couple years but my dad has been bitching that Jimmy Carter told him to wear a sweater since I was like negative six

god this is still so funny. "cut me in quarters and bury me sideways, brother"

in my darkest secret heart I genuinely think I could get away with wearing Greedo's green jacket/orange vest combo

a lot happening here but I simply must know what the hell this guy has in his pockets

oooooooh my god, oh my god

cocking my fist like Roman Reigns and absolutely slugging the Quaker Oats quaker's Ben Franklin looking ass. hat hovering in the air over my forearm for a second after he drops

I fully understand that little kids are basically tape recorders that reproduce the noises their parents make but it's still super funny that my daughter aggressively pointed at this and hollered BLEW UP HIS HOUSE TOO

they shipped it, victory is mine

incredible sales velocity on this "pay $118 for all the Borderlands games" Humble Bundle so far here

for close to a month now I have thought about cutting up garlic with a lightsaber every time I cook

I'm now getting Facebook glasses POV reels from a guy who challenges people to games of Connect 4 on the street and that's actually the only reason this product should exist

just bought something from a site that absolutely for sure accidentally coded a sale as fifty dollars off when they meant fifty percent and now we wait to see if they notice

Reginald Barclay walking into his quarters and going "computer: friend! who talks to me" towards the wall sconce that prints on-demand sandwiches

so close to buying a fifteen dollar denim jacket branded for a video game nobody remembers fondly modeled by a woman who seems to be emoting "really? that much? huh"

Grainger hitting me with the "you know this mf sticky as hell" targeted ad

DR BEES: our proprietary Stinging You With A Thousand Bee treatment gives you all the benefits of being stung by a thousand bees BRYCE: well, buzz buzz, brother

middle child is out, littlest child is napping; it's time to show my oldest Home Alone

every unsolicited drawing tips video online is an unreasonably confident guy like Don't Draw Fingers Like They're Five Identical Rectangular Buildings [big red X over a drawing of a hand] Draw Fingers Like This [second worst drawing of a hand you've seen in 40 seconds but a green check over it]

the amount of obviously AI Instagram reels that are like Toddler Says Something Cute mean it is an even stupider idea to post pictures of your kid than ever before

I think this rules

watching this now and the entire thing is written For The Parents. stinks. absolutely death with my kids. sitting silently.

last night one of my neighbors puked so loud that my wife thought it was me somewhere inside our house

my wife and I talk about this lady from the Times' swing voter goof troop pretty often because the concept of Ina Garten's nakedly evil twin is so fertile

Hey, artist! Quote with your red art!

the most dated things about Home Alone are the landlines and that it was written in the early Simpsons zone where it was still okay to be like "the police are sort of useless doofuses"

kind of fun reading contemporary European accounts of viking raids where they're all "these absolute maniacs came and just wrecked shop every year and then started not leaving" and then like five hundred years later the same guys sail to America and are like "obviously these losers think we're Gods"

dreamed I was at a Christmas pageant that opened with a Ray Liotta GoodFellas voiceover describing how to make a "Sloppy Josephine" and then immediately slammed into the full version of the theme to Cheers, so, yeah, I'd say the new medication is working

I started that Rise & Fall of the Galactic Empire and sort of glazed over the footnote numbers as I read the first chapter and then cracked up when they went to citations like "conversation with C-3PO"

we gotta retire the Star Wars advent calendar until Lego gets rid of whoever pitched A Robot Dentist Chair for day five

watching a German game show where two nerds try to cut objects perfectly in half and my kids are fully into in spite of zero people in this room speaking German

if you x-ray this thing you'll discover that they simply had the hands of chopped-up enemies of football bronzed

when one of my kids was super little my wife watched a bunch of a streaming show where John McEnroe played the internal monologue of a teenage girl and I feel like there's a non zero chance I just dreamed it

Charles Xavier thought he killed her in the womb

dayquil should have an upper in it

the eventual book about the white house ballroom is going to rule

this thing being parts of, like, a semi festive version of a droid repair shop from everyone's least favorite Star Wars movie spread out over 24 days is a truly wild choice

keep getting ads for a like fully unremarkable looking movie made by James L Brooks that all feel like a guy running up to me and shaking me by the shoulders while hollering "you are aware of The Simpsons??? you know The Simpsons????" and it is not in any way working

I actually really do want a station wagon but I don't think they, like, *need* to be really fuel inefficient, like those two concepts seem unrelated to me, a man with a brain that mostly works good

man Doctor Who got dark

this is obviously a me problem but it drives me crazy when Sesame Street does timely parodies of non-child media because I live with three small people who ask me what's funny whenever I laugh at anything

I don't watch Jeopardy too much anymore but they put up compilations of a week of Finals on YouTube and if you told me they were giving this current lil mustache champ absolute cans to beat up on I would at least give it a second thought

just saw somebody on Instagram label outtakes from this scene as bloopers from Good Will Hunting

did any insurance company executives get spotify wrapped this year or was that a one-off

a Baltimore Waymo is getting stuck on the light rail tracks over by La Cuchara like two days in for sure

this either means I listen to old man stuff or middle school kids think I'm hilarious

never been entirely clear how Spectre's cape/collar/hood situation works. assume it's magic. like he can turn a guy into a lit candle, he can have a multi flanged garment

Lego Star Wars advent calendar this year is Babu Frik themed, which feels like a real narrow venn diagram overlap

triumphant return of the small Christmas tree we hang from a garden hook in the living room so nobody knocks it over