It’s time we had more movies about submarines and I’m sick and fucking tired of having to say this obvious truth!

Mr. Bonestripper is the compromise

Coming back to finish the job on Jeremy Renner

SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom. PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom. DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

Black Hole Sun-ass photo

Collecting TikTok avatars of ppl telling me New York will be under sharia law in six months

a little cottage in the backyard that’s just a library with a reading chair in it

the reason wilson never showed his face to tim the toolman taylor is because he didn’t want to get made as one of the culprits of the taking of pelham 1 2 3

he sleeps like this

Herman Melville on moderates, all the way back in 1857:

i also was just awarded one trillion dollars but you don’t see me making a big deal about it

if you don’t check a bicarb, you can’t find an acidosis

Dancing Queen with insane drums

So many scenes work so well together

i would never watch a five and half hour long youtube video about John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982). nothing a youtuber could say would be an improvement over just watching the movie three times in a row

Many people know that John Fettermans autobiography was titled “unfettered” but far fewer know that they changed the title when turning it into a movie: “Guillermo Del Toro presents: Frankenstein”

kent hovind would travel around the country debating local university professors about evolution vs creationism and would bus in a church-full of believers for every event and they would ask the audience which side won and all the christians would say creationism because truth doesn’t matter

million dollar idea: a single repository for all radiographic studies accessible from anywhere

And this is what they call “the ole Chappaquiddick Farewell” in the Kennedy family, dude couldn’t help it, it’s in his blood.

pretty cool how the internet basically circled back to be just this but with even fewer options

“The patient’s bloodwork is also notable for a serum albuminemia of 28 g/L, which has increased binding to calcium ions leading to uncontrolled hypercalcemia.” this computer is so cool, man. i’m glad patients are using it to interpret their lab results. it’s good that that’s happening.

baby’s first earthquake

asking the monkey’s paw to specifically bring my dead son back all fucked up just to see what it will do

I'll take a ponderous tome over the claptrap and ballyhoo that appears upon the televisor

the onion has had some of the best political commentary for nearly as long as i’ve been alive but i also have an inordinate fondness for their extremely relatable domestic articles: theonion.com/interminable...

This will be drastically different from their usual strategy of calling every Democrat a gay Muslim communist

LET’S GO, DERSH

ah, so that’s why it’s hidden

everybody gets twenty-four hours to lib out with impunity, tonight is the cringe purge

the diagnostic and statistics manual has been updated to include a section on cuomosexuality

our study found that as little as 80 mEq of intravenous KCl reliably lowered blood pressure in a matter of seconds, but major adverse cardiac events occurred at high enough frequency to negate any potential benefit of lowered blood pressures.

Doctor says to elderly patient: “I need a sample of your blood, urine, & stool.” Patient says “What?!” Doctor repeats himself: “a sample of your blood, urine, & stool.” Patient says “What?!” Patient’s wife says “Oh just give him your underwear!” Patient again says “What?” because he cannot hear

In 2088, sixteen years after the controversial Blood Wars, presidential candidate Corona Mt. Dew will share the stage with Kilgoth the Throat Slitter (the primary architect of and supreme ruler during the Blood Wars) as she accepts his endorsement over challenger Korgoth the Throat Slasher.

pretty funny to list four of the five boroughs and have a “view all boroughs” option to show staten island when there’s plenty of screen real estate to just show all five

unironically love this cover of princess princess’s diamonds youtu.be/AHcedSaSrHw

“Gordathan made a very reasonable deal with the zombie orcs. He would keep the gates open so they could see what’s going on inside, but the zombie orcs were not allowed to go past the gates. The zombie orcs reneged on the deal—they’re the ones to blame here.”

I don’t know why you never criticize the mindless hordes of decomposing zombie orcs currently ravaging the castle; all I ever hear you talk about is how “Gordathan the Lazy is doing a bad job guarding the gates”, even though Gordathan is *on your side*.

so far five different people, after hearing me speak, have asked me if i was from canada. i feel like this is how kiwis must feel when they travel abroad and people ask them if they’re australian.

Life hack for automobile owners:

Getting hit in the chest from point blank range with a footlong sub and an enormous Peckinpah-style squib of sweet onion teriyaki sauce explodes from my chest.

John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

this was just a few years ago but we’ve only gotten crazier. one of these persons is a dedicated public servant. the other is a foaming at the mouth lunatic.