burt goo and the 99.2 morning zoo (chimpanzee screech, me so horny soundbyte) you might be thinkin "Its too early Burt" well it's top of the hour beautiful Tuesday 9am on 11 September and I think it's right. on. time (Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company cross fades in)

(guest finds handgun between the couch cushions) Oh you found a loosie

This makes it sound like the tortoise was attorney general at some point

Legitimately thought I was losing it

Based on Jungian analysis, I’ve determined there are only 5 basic story plots: Stranger comes to town Stranger comes to town to kill babysitters Stranger comes to town to rescue the president Stranger comes to town kill and replace everyone Stranger comes to town to kick ass and chew bubblegum

looking forward to the first meta glasses related friendly fire incident

Excited to be contributing a short story to this very cool zine, arriving in June and edited by Hannah Smart 👇 👇 👇

Kash Patel is such a loser there wasn't even anything good on his phone. Just pictures of him hanging out without any friends

When the big fish starts swimming toward you at the aquarium

They were trying to call strokes brain attacks at one point to try to make them sound scarier but that just sounds fucking dumb. Ah I'm having a brain attack where did I put the remote

I told my trump supporter neighbor Iran is twice the size of Texas and he started crying

Chuck Hardwood starred in High Plains Fister, a Fistful of Asshole and has an uncredited load in For A Few Assholes More. probably the most recognizable face (not to say cock!) of the Spaghetti Porn genre. That's enough about me though. Tell me about the Christian coffee shop. Cups of Grace right?

every twenty seconds my computer asks if it can access my camera and microphone

What's the invasion of Kharg island look like. We putting a bunch of roided out baby killers on zodiacs to burn alive on an oil slick? Paratrooper turkey shoot? Marines gonna run the strait to Davy Jones locker?

The world is now run by Art of War people. And of course havent read the Art of War and that's too bad because they're Sun Tzus target audience

unaffected by this sort of thing bc I have tricked my brain into believing that posting is a kind of gambling. Unlike real gambling you always lose. What do you lose, you may ask? Well: friends, opportunities... time. More than anything, it's the time that feels like a lead weight in my stomach

She kind of became a logo for the salty bitch community, which as a member of said community I never cared for. Much like Disco Stu, salty bitches don’t advertise.

Never understood why the mueller lady had the Morton salt girl as her pfp

NEW NEWSLETTER: In 1985, an ambitious game simulated the ruinous long-term effects of a conservative political agenda on a Midwestern city. It now feels less like dystopian sci-fi and more like current events. Read it (& see more cool images) here: www.popculturalprecursors.com/p/the-reagan...

Use code SEPSIS at checkout and add any vasopressor for 20% off

I had a VHS movie date w my crush at 14 and the movie I brought over to her house was Pink Flamingos

Ah shit I left the dog in the metaverse and they pulled the plug. Grandma too

lol this is basically you:

Movie dates are terrible in the getting to know you phase but also realizing the two movie dates I have had were No Country For Old Men and Tetsuo: The Iron Man

the most pure experience you can have as a poster is making a funny tweet then having 50+ people tell you how you should've done it better

All the Saxon Musk posting reminds me of one of the all-timers

Teachers in 1980: native Americans used every part of the buffalo Teachers in 2080: 4th Reich Americans used every part of the burger. Even when they ate chicken, it was because a burger was telling them to

if the national guard are going to be deployed here until 2028 i think they should be bettering themselves instead of loitering. take some culture with you back to iowa and go to a smithsonian. give me 1500 words on how the barbara kruger installation at the hirshhorn makes you feel by 0900 tomorrow

“Where do you wanna go for dinner tonight, honey?” “Let’s go to nas-“ “Don’t say nasi pakistan batu pahat again.” “Eh, let’s just eat in.”

Charlie Kirk’s “mentor” and father of modern cheerleading will never die after falling while playing pickleball.

Time to break it out again

When they took the pronouns off the F-35 they also damaged the rear stabilizers

they were so busy dewoking the military they forgot about the wars

There's this riot of public corruption, we know the most brazen and stupid because the news doesn't exist anymore really. I figure part of it is everyone knowing they'd better grab while the grabbing is good because it's gonna go to absolute shit before he gets out of office

It might be helpful if he could relate this to us in SpongeBob terms

it’s friday

GIFT SHOP OUT OF LICENSE PLATES MY SON'S NAME'S ALSO BORT

Herman Melville on moderates, all the way back in 1857:

Why did they put Callista Gingrich's picture in the thumbnail

Attn Central Ohio folks, you can order seedlings for your garden from me here: rock-dove-farm.square.site/shop/seedlin... Everything I offer has been trialed on my farm in Madison County, Ohio🌱

Whenever someone's name is Dr. King I always think "Hm that's kind of presumptuous"

it is a fact in my mind that the American sandwich loaf was invented by an industrialist who wanted to shorten lunch breaks and no I don't want to learn the real reason but thank you

Don: Hm. Crust. It's most people's favorite part. Peggy: They won't know what they're missing. Because it won't be there. The Uncrusted PBJ. Don: Uncrustable

Using the Google AI search function makes me feel like Mr. Arnold trying to access the main program grid.

EMPs

a thing about the Google AI summary I noticed is that the citation links are usually unrelated. but its got the linked citation to make it feel legit