RFK Junior is Oogie boogie butt instead of being filled with bugs when you cut him middle-ages diseases fall out

There's no more fitting tribute to Charlie Kirk than the one they're giving him right now: nominally Christian survivors on the same grift clambering over one another for more publicity, capped by the shambling, lurching embodiment of everything they long to be. You couldn't write anything meaner

It's sobering, in its way, to realize that there was truly nobody (save, perhaps, his children) who knew him that loved him as a man. He made himself into content, and he died as content, and his funeral is the most content of all. Soundbites to soundbites, bits to bits

fbi: don't make fun of charlie kirk or we will prosecute you also fbi: charlie kirk stopped the bullet because of his big fat neck. his neck was big and thick like that of a moose. the neck meat was stronger than steel itself. it was like a tree stump connecting his head to his shoulders

it really is something how obviously Charlie Kirk's wife did not actually give a shit about him lol. i know everyone grieves differently but damn

I can’t exactly articulate it but the Charlie Kirk memorial stadium service very much feels like the start of the closest thing we’re gonna get to American Hindutva

Acute hypoxic respiratory success

Link is cannonically reconstructionist jewish.

“In my thoughts I use the technique of positive visualization” is a criminally underrated sopranos line

I believe the NYJ can still pull this one out (a loss that is)

So many of these raptureTok people saying it’s 100% gonna happen but I don’t see any of them really committing by like quitting their jobs or taking out a huge high interest tribal loan and going crazy with it. American Protestantism is washed.

FDR won 42 states in 1932, it wasn't by pandering to Hoover voters. Then Republicans called him a socialist for 4 years. Then he ran for reelection and won 46 states

Oof yikes! 😬 thanks for letting me know. I was a big fan of his racism and transphobia. I had no idea he was “doing politics the right way”. Soft blocking him now.

They’re putting his hand make up on while he sits down and then when he stands and his hands hang he gets such bad venous stasis it turns read and the makeup doesn’t match rookie mistake

Hands looking very healthy, sir. I heard a blood doctor say that the blood is probably circulating better than anyone has ever seen.

Frozen section is really just clocking a tumors tea when you think about it

Guys if you all quit club penguin then the republicans win. You have to stay on club penguin to push it to the left.

Yeah I've said this before but I didn't quit Twitter out of some great sense of Purpose; I quit because the user experience fucking sucked

I love to order lab tests that can have critical results that require immediate intervention at 4:59 pm on a Friday and then throw my pager and cell phone into the nearby river before taking a bunch of ambien and sleeping for 72 hrs

Hakeem Jeffries supporting Charlie Kirk before endorsing Zohran Mamdani is really fucking nasty.

Ok I guess CNN will announce what I’ve been working on for my k award

Oh no Mr patient, You smoke too tough, your heart too big, your piss too sweet. Atherosclerotic disease will kill you

There are entire hospitals whose work forces are extremely confused about what happens to all of their doctors now.

Stopping compression for a penis check is valuable resuscitation time that gets lost.

Dr. Robby: Oh no I brought my penis-only surgery tools <Flatline sound> Dr. Robby: THE PASSPORT WAS WOKE

Raising prices on old products with no value add notoriously portends good for the economy

JESUS: Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani CHATGPT: you’re completely right. And I want to thank you for holding me accountable. It looks like you’ve somehow got nailed to a cross

No one has ever been more vindicated.

95 democrats, including @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social voted to "honor" the life of charlie kirk, who called for joe biden to be killed and said black women like justice ketanji brown jackson are unqualified affirmative action hires. shame. clerk.house.gov/evs/2025/rol...

“Class depolarization” was a 60-year experiment conducted by Harvard University. Thank you for your time. You have now been automatically enrolled in a subsequent trial, “class repolarization.” www.semafor.com/article/09/1...

moments ago, ice agents again came out of the broadview detention/“professing” facility to escort a silver suv out of the lot. one of the agents picked up and threw congressional candidate kat abughazaleh to the ground.

becoming fully beaudrillard pilled. realizing the entire project of 5-4 has been in many ways detailing how conservatives have built a simulation of academic and legal scholarship, in order to live in a hyperreal world in which the constitution demands white supremacy

My idea of how to really escalate the free speech fight around Charles e Kirk has been foiled

I love the USA and beautiful president trunt hail noble workers of FBI and abhor political violence by ANTIFA super soldiers

CDC to recommend looking only one way before crossing street

i know i’ve said in the past that this is a diseased country but man this is a Diseased country

Hey meta, start conversation focu- You bolt awake in the mountains of Carthage. There are no Meta smart glasses no one will buy. It is 217 BC. You are the general Hannibal, and you have changed your mind. The future cannot come to pass. Rome must burn.

the hiring of Olivia Nuzzi by Vanity Fair makes the new rules of media clear: ❌ lightly criticizing Charlie Kirk ✅ FaceTime fingerblasting with your story’s subject, RFK Jr.

It’s over. How do you build an opposition party against this

They should make master’s tools that dismantle the master’s house

This Week's Onion Magazine:

james cameron walks up to whiteboard with TOEJAM and EARL written on it. he erases the "and" and writes Vs.

The Ones Who Run Toward Omelas

The constant beating of a heart beneath your floorboards [ASMR to relax/study to LOOP 10 HOURS] - YouTube

Hi-fiving the homies after they show me the kid they torture in a basement so the town can have a happy and prosperous society. Dapping up all the bros cause we owned that fucking nerd.

great news! you're not actually seeing karl rove, john yoo, and david frum criticize the administration's lawlessness more stridently than dem leadership. you, reader, were infected with rabies by a brown bat 36 hours ago and this is all just the virus working its way through your nervous system