🚨 BREAKING: US President Donald Trump was reportedly spotted openly consorting with members of the Thalmor

Getting annoyed by the pixie that’s just flown up to give me a quest and swatting it out of the air like a fly

Iconic lord of the rings characters if they were woke: Gandalf the Gay Dildo Shaggins The One Cock Ring to Rule Them All Samwise Gaygee Bisexual Gollum Saruman of Many Colors

How it feels to slay a monster as a boy #male

People keep telling me things like “you need to take off the amulet” and “it’s power is corrupting you” They’re clearly just jealous of the bond between me and the amulet and want to take it for themselves

A man crossed my path in the parking lot of a Bojangles so I struck him down where he stood

How I’m pulling up to the function

This kind of mixed use urban planning is illegal in America

Picked up a sword and it started whispering to me

This is where I post from

Wizards after hitting fifth level

Demons don’t even bargain for your soul anymore they just look at you like this

whatever. i'll be pondering the orb

*fully restores your HP as you scroll past*

Gestures to make you more feminine and elegant

Accidentally cast turnt undead

Its cause you're always pondering that damn orb

My scheming vizier when I start to cough after taking a swig of wine from my goblet

Watching my friend recite random pages from the wizard’s spellbook we stole and they accidentally cast fireball centered on themself

TURN ON THE ORB! THEY HIT THE FUCKING SPIRES!

I saw the crystal ball glow

I have captured the soul of Shaquille O’Neil within this crystal

Buy my sinister potion

A spellcaster’s favorite

Pondering the orb

It’s not a wise idea to make fun of a wizards wand

Who goes there?

Yeah I’m casting spells if you know what I mean

Source? It was revealed to me by the orb.

It appears as though a demon is trying to manifest through my floorboards

going nonverbal at the party and just doing this in the corner until I can leave

The King keeps sending his pesky knights to try and arrest me, but no matter! They are no match compared to the might of my SICK ASS WIZARD MAGIC!!!

I filled an old windex bottle with holy water and spray my ghouls with it anytime they misbehave

Her: did you really have to bring HIM into the restaurant with us? Me: excuse me HE is my emotional support jester and YES his presence is completely necessary The jester : ohohooo! Shall I juggle these meatballs for you my liege?

Felt cute might raid a coastal village later

The gnomes taunt me