Hopped up on surgeries.

me: I just really thought I was free of my irrational fear that someone close to me was secretly a swarm of insects masquerading as a human, that's why I couldn't ask for her number therapist: did she have a hot thorax

Meta now playing the Night (I watched you) by Razzberry youtu.be/Q06tcRae13k?...

to recap: if you make a labeler for being mean about ai, bluesky staff will subscribe to it and block 300k users bc why not if you make a list of ppl defending Platner so folks can know who is unsafe, that's unacceptable

AI GLASSES CREEP: Thank you Meta, Blurred Lines is certainly more my jam.

*To a car* Clits have hoods, that’s a lid

Cars only have around 100 sensors under that lid, it's not even close.

ACCURATE

Didn’t disappoint even after everyone said how great it was. Had me crying over a rock.

Americans are sometimes so naive it’s kinda cute. Like some lovable oaf that thinks he’s the best at everything because he’s always told himself he’s the best at everything.

The natural next move for the Democratic Party is to find a Wall Street guy with a nazi tattoo

Very wild to find out his puppeteer was so good at playing off ryan gosling that they kept what was intended as a temp voice track in the final film

One of the best little guys for sure. Gosling has chemistry with anything I swear.

The pathetic little rationalisations when you’re waiting for prescriptions like ooh just ten hours until the pharmacist disappoints me!!

Listen, I'm never not calling them 'Nonce Goggles'. "Oh, I see you got the latest Nonce Goggles. How they working out for you?"

If you wannabe my usul you gotta get with my sietch

"antipa is a terrorist organization (italian)"

Started watching Project Hail Mary and I’m fucking delighted, I had no idea I was about to watch Jim Henson’s Arrival

Posh Spice, Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, Ginger Spice, the Spice melange (origin uncertain) thought to derive from ancient Terran Franzh a mixture of spices of Arrakis with geriatric properties first noted by Yanshuph Ashkoko royal chemist in reign of Shakkad the Wise; the Arrakeen melang–

RFK Junior sweating and shaking as he announces to the worst podcasters in the world “they call it antipasti and it’s extremely dangerous”

“Is your progesterone dose strong enough?” I have a detailed sex fantasy involving my discovery that Ryan Gosling does the fun novelty face paints in Wiltshire village fairs

it's very funny he's over on twitter calling everyone on bluesky dorks and shit while deleting everything he's ever said about platner here because he's both afraid of us and is secretly desperate for our admiration and approval

What they really fetishize is the idea that they'd have a Democratic candidate with a baked-in answer to the whole "Democrats are weak on defense" thing, but John Kerry had a Silver Star, Bronze Star, and THREE purple hearts and still got dismantled by Karl Rove. It doesn't actually work.

I think those of us in EU countries need to start pressuring our Departments of Foreign Affairs to issue travel warnings for people visiting the UK

That is the threshold criteria for a Very Strong (Super) El Niño *BUT I think it takes 3 months with an average of +2C to officially be declared a Very Strong/ Super event. This threshold has never been reached so early, breaking the former record likely set in 1997 in late August… 2/

It appears the Super (Very Strong) El Niño ocean threshold has been reached at record pace (according to World Climate Service). This appears to be ~6 weeks earlier than any other time in history. The sea surface temperature anomaly in the main El Niño 3.4 region reached ~+2°C… 1/

Baby the only difference between Europe and the USA is that Europe will be missed when it’s gone *puts out a gauloise on your chest*

If “Trump always tells a little bit of the truth by mistake” theory holds then I wonder about any recent investments related to Japan he might have had his greedy little hand in?

I'm very excited for the holier-than-thou Hogs of Bluesky who used their magical clairvoyance to figure out that a soldier of fortune with a big ass nazi tattoo was "bad." While you're all taking your victory laps, I'll be over here building a giant swastika to crucify myself on

Holy shit what did she know???

Using huge quantities of sugar and salt to make an insulting gravadlax out of Jamie Oliver’s remains

Doordash got rid of their plan-ahead Catering program last week, which was a huge help for me. I keep missing days due to disability, affecting my stats - ability to get orders/log on - and today is yet another one. Please help. paypal.me/ZoeBlank1 Venmo: @ZoeBlank

On twitter it’s age gap verification

Who could have predicted this? The people who predicted it don’t count btw

guy who thinks collie dogs are called colleague dogs because they can be such a pleasure to work with

Ice hauler’o’wa‘a, init.

Cute nominative determinism for Ewan McGregor to be a UNICEF ambassador, I hope they make “UN McGregor” jokes all the time

*playing final fantasy vii* big titty sephiroth gf

We sprayed a ton of Glade in an actual glade and seven out of eight local households had to evacuate

*Head of an ibis* big titty Thoth gf

British The Expanse would be like “oi guvnor fire up the savile drive”

Not penis shaped. Disappointed.

*falls out of tree* big titty sloth gf

I paid a bunch of people back and the kitties are fed until after the next time I get to work. Now I don't have money for my own food. Canned beans are fine, but...... Venmo/CashApp: d1rtb1ke

And now begins the year long wait for all the politics and gardening nerds who actually mean to type “planter” to finally convince their phones to catch up with their reformed vernacular

enough of this. make me King and I'll nationalize Disney. rename it the "National Film Board of the United States." get the best animators in the world with high paying union jobs to pump out the greatest 2D original animated movies you've ever seen. i'll fix all this. I'll heal the world

Amy Winehouse will have her revenge on england.