gonna take this moment to remind everyone that there is scarcely a more craven, deluded, self-serving, circle-jerking, miserable crop of responsibility-dodgers than the people who post on estranged parent forums they're the lowest of the low. don't forget this

Primary them all and block anybody who comes with the “at this crucial juncture the most important thing is that we win.” if they believed that they wouldn’t do this and with friends like them nobody needs enemies

Mike's Hard Boiledeggs. (*sweats profusely, nervously checks the react-o-meter*) M- Mike's Hard Pill to S- Swallow

happy 13/12

“Yes,” said Frog, reaching for a cookie, “we need will power.” “What is will power?” asked Toad. “Will power is trying hard not to do something you really want to do,” said Frog.

Cis people: Oh you're just overreacting! No one would ever do that! Oh it's not that bad, it's just a minor clarification! Oh stop going on what rights have you really lost? Oh well you shouldn't have been accepted in the first place. Oh you never existed before 2015 anyway. You never existed

Lord I see what You’ve done for others

ME: (shivering, stripped naked and tied to a chair) Drag queens have pretty privilege… CIA AGENT: Again. Do another. ME: Please, I can’t, I— CIA AGENT: (dousing me with a bucket of ice water) Another take! Hotter! ME: (sobbing) Dating someone who needs glasses is a predatory power imbalance…

i mean when they named them peanuts. i mean. the people who did that. i mean look at it. you gotta wonder what they were thinking

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

The feeling I felt watching was familiar but I couldn't place it for a few minutes....then I realised....I felt the way I feel when I'm at a party and Cards Against Humanity comes out.

This really reticulates my splines

i'm not taking that goddamned innocence test because people who know me might be surprised that ive lived my fucking life

it's so quiet in here

it's a remarkable testament to the power of generative ai that it is making something as awful as advertising even worse

Breaking character: I am open to the idea the media's coverage of Biden's age and mental acuity was fair or perhaps not even tough enough. But the fact that it was so much tougher than the coverage of Trump's (more severe) mental decline is damning and I can't see how anyone could argue otherwise.

when a drej is being so Bob-phobic you gotta hit em with that cosmic castaway stare

help! the medication didnt make my kid a compliant automaton!

i think i should be allowed to spin very fast like a top or Bay Blade and jump very high like a cricket or the opposite of chunky kong. if they let me do it nobody could stop me

dick and cock are synonyms tail and butt are synonyms cocktail and dickbutt are NOT synonyms

you're right and you should say it louder. i've been beating this drum for like fifteen years now

Phantom Menace rewatch continues 🧵

ICE Agent Panics After Realizing There More Children Than He Has Flash-Bangs

- James Watson, "great scientist," from his later opinions in uh, (*checks notes*) 1968

the sluttiest girl you know says stuff like, "jeez" and "oh gosh"

hear that everyone? sandwiches are okay

history will not be kind | patreon.com/lubchansky

lots of games let you hide your helmet to see your characters' faces. but nobody brave enough to let you hide your shoes for the foot people who want the dogs out

entering my "entering my 'entering my era' era" era

This is remarkable. Four giant dams on the Klamath River along the CA-Oregon border were taken down last year. This year, salmon migrated all the way to the river headwaters, a 300-mile journey from the Pacific to central Oregon, for the first time since 1909. A fantastic success.

you can block anyone you like. it's cool. just block them. vibes off? block. ai art? block. cis man? bl

pleased to announce that there seems to be a passive-aggressive conflict roiling the august pages of Cooks Illustrated, Fall Harvest recipes edition. allow me to explain:

a fun game is to count how many of these places literally have kings

like if i have to spend a bunch of my time teaching it to not be wrong, it's not really a tool helping me, is it. i'm a tool helping it

I think what's bothering me about all these statements I'm seeing from politicians that are variations of "Israeli hostages and Palestinians are returning to their homes, yay" is that Israelis are returning to their homes and Palestinians are returning to uninhabitable post apocalyptic rubble.

i want someone to do a reboot of Red Dwarf but filmed so that it looks like a prestige sci-fi drama

End of feed

every person who works for ice should be publicly shamed and become social outcasts. everyone they know with hearts must give them the eternal cold shoulder. no emotional comfort for the secret police

If you see this skeet, skeet a pic from your device with no explanation

becoming increasingly clear that a huge amount of cis people always thought we were delusional and their “allyship” was just them playing along to avoid being called a bigot

i just use it for the one thing | patreon.com/lubchansky

Spider pronouns be like: it/ze/bit/xe

advice to live by

consent-pilled and boundary-maxxing

sex with me is like a fire drill, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

shout-out to people who are not trans, not cis, but a secret third thing