omw to steal your girl

did you ever have that feeling like you've been holding your breath for 41 years and finally exhaled

HEY GUYS ITS LA LANDON THOME

Colby Rasmus

when I bought women's pants for the first time when I bought women's pants for the first time I left work early and drove 45 minutes out of my way to a store I don't shop at piling a pair of work shoes and a couple shirts in my arms as I awkwardly flip through the racks trying to think of excuses

pausa de hidratación

there's too much fuckin shit on me youtu.be/m_wmP6w_dIw?...

watching Night At The Museum with the kids and asking the important questions, like, what if Ben Stiller just beat that monkey to death

we'll dress like Minnie Pearl just you and me

show me a cool physical game

potato guns about to have an all time resurgence

did the minions assist in the establishment of the transatlantic slave trade

"Slob On My Knob" by Tear Da Club Up Thugs

every so often there is a Swan Boy that is a sniper rifle aimed directly at my head

I used to sing karaoke on Tuesday nights at a college bar to more people than this

Japanese crazy mascot Chiitan is real and strong and my friend

the sweetness will not concern itself with the opinions of the me

conveniently I have made a big ass playlist of all that stuff: tidal.com/playlist/d1a...

I’m really just a masc that comes pre-strapped

-"A Lover's Concerto" by the Toys -big glass of ice water -comb bound fundraiser cookbooks from regional institutions -when the sleeve or insert from a used record got little pinholes in the corners from where someone used to have it hung up on their wall -string cheese

as usual Baz Luhrmann was right about everything youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI?...

who are they

pausa de hidratación

I can tell a lot of people commenting here are not from the rural Midwest because I went to high school with upwards of ten guys who looked exactly like this

tied with that one post about Matt Shaw for the baseball post of the year here on Bluesky, the baseball posting website

somebody cool must have died again because we got some absolute heat from the estate sale store yesterday

Ah, what the hell. pass me a Sensible Choice, brother

Swan Boy pointing out the exact moment where Johnny Knoxville explodes his urethra in Jackass Presents: Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel like Tolkien nerds talking about Viggo Mortensen breaking his toe

some days I drink two of the bisexual Monsters and create a third

come to Weird Al Yankovic at the Ozarks Amphitheater in the next hour if you want an ass kicking

the best time to start reading Swan Boy was yesterday the second best time to start reading Swan Boy is RIGHT NOW

for more information on how these latest numbers will affect the price of fast food hamburger, please google search Sonic Inflation

at first I thought this said Robert Guillaume at the bottom right and I was like damn, what did he do

now maybe Minerva didn't mean to treat Noel so bad but she did it anyway

this is a hate crime against my household specifically

the rare double parenthetical youtu.be/eBShN8qT4lk?...

the virgin Scott Adams vs the chad Jim Scancarelli en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Sca...

it is Tuesday my thudes (they/them dudes) youtu.be/5ZS1b5ilHcI?...

if it weren't for Half-Life 2, I wouldn't have spent that year in college

I am the strongest soldier for St. Louis's garbage ass food that everyone else hates so I'm gonna go hyperlocal and take it all the way to my tiny hometown: the best liver dumplings are never from a restaurant, they're the ones made from a family recipe passed down longer than anyone can remember

why am I Like This™? - owned every Calvin and Hobbes book - online since 1996 - an hour of Simpsons reruns nightly for over a decade - Napster (1999-2001) - forums

90% of people who live outside of 270 think St. Louis is a Mad Max wasteland