Do you think Dorothy had to go to therapy after she melted the Wicked Witch? I think if I accidentally melted an old lady, I'd be messed up for a bit.

If you've read The Screaming Void and The Stolen Planet, please don't forget to post a quick rating and review. It only takes a minute, and it really helps! www.amazon.com/gp/product/B... www.goodreads.com/book/show/24...

Please don't reply to nonpolitical jokes with politics. Yeah, I hate him too. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. Crazy, right?

"If you don't make this, I'll cry." www.slashfilm.com/1998600/foun...

They say nature photography requires a lot of patience. The impatient photographers must all go into web photography. A lot of them don't even wait for the models to finish getting dressed first.

Greg messaged his boss. "You know, in some countries, people are encouraged to nap at work. It actually increases productivity!" "Absolutely not," his boss said. "Why can't we try it? What's the #issue?" "We'll talk about it when you get back. For now, just keep flying the plane." #vss365

The Phantom of the Opera is the scariest horror movie monster. Other monsters just kill you, but the Phantom makes you do a karaoke duet with him first.

Friend: My brother wants to be a blackjack dealer, but he's so bad at math, he can't count without using his fingers. Me: If he can count to 21 on his fingers, he should see a doctor.

Me watching three different news channels: The clues are really subtle, but if you pay attention, you can tell they're all in the same cinematic universe.

The new teleportation tech replaced physical #transportation almost overnight. The sender pad's scanners converted your mind and body into data, and then the receiver pad would recreate you instantly, anywhere in the world. But Drew was sure this tech could do more. A lot more. #vss365 1/4

When your Amazon royalty payment comes in:

Kinky economist has a thing for perverse incentives.

🚀 spaceships 🌡️ dark conspiracies 🎭 brotherhood ❌ no romance 🐛 strange creatures 🤖 futuristic 🪐 other worlds 🐈 a rescue cat 🔖 universal link: mybook.to/schU 💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/dust-lightning 📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/56...

Podcast idea: Get Me Off This Planet - The first podcast for aliens! Every episode explains why aliens should visit Earth, and then take me with them when they leave. Come see our museums! Paris! The Grand Canyon! And then abduct me so I don’t have to go to work on Monday! C’mon please??

It must suck being wicked, I love rest

When I was a kid, mom had a collection of old radio shows to keep us entertained on road trips, like Superman and The Shadow. My favorite was the Orson Welles War of the Worlds. Listening to an alien invasion just made the miles fly by. Next time I travel, I’ll have to listen to these on the way!

How I organized my short story collection, a rambling thread of questionable writing advice: When I was a magician, I realized something interesting about my shows. No matter how much people enjoyed the middle of my act, they mostly only remembered the first and last tricks. 🧵 #writingcommunity

Deer + bunny + cargo shorts = kangaroo

My Parents Went To A Planet Full Of Asymmetrical Aliens And All I Got Was This Lousy F-Shirt

Captain Eric and Amy were on Eros V, the romance planet. He claimed they were there for #scientific research, but he was wearing cologne and his nicest shirt. As the sun set, he got down on one knee. "Yes!" Amy squealed. "You like watching me tie my shoes?" "...Yeah." #vss365

!!!!!***SUPPORT INDIE AUTHORS***!!!!! #FF @dnschmidt.com Just think. For an average of just 10 Smackeroos a pop you can get your rocks laughed off by buying these books. I know I am one happy guy that I went and did that. The laughs keep coming thick and fast. With some serious mental health stuff.

My accountant has recommended becoming super rich. It sounded crazy at first, but he assured me that he crunched the numbers and it looks like the right financial move for me.

“I am proposing the Lots More Candy Act of 2026,” Senator Bobby said. “It would make grownups give out candy all the time, not just Easter and Halloween.” Senator Susie nodded. “How many monies do you need?” “A big #number. Like real big.” “Okay, we’ll vote whenever we learn to count.” #vss365

Harold wandered down the row of gray cubes, filled with gray faces staring at #numbers on screens. “It wasn’t always like this,” he muttered. “There was a bigger world, filled with colors.” There had to be a way back, a door hidden away somewhere. If not, what was the point of his dreams? #vss365

In clown testing, it's important to have two treatment groups. One gets a genuine clown, and the other gets a placebozo.

Me: What are you going to do if someone tries to steal packages off the porch? Dog: [Long, squeaky fart] Me: I was thinking barking, but yeah, that might work...

You wake up, but nothing seems right. You're fuzzy and coffee isn't helping. You tug on your earlobe and a cassette tape pops out the back of your head. You grab a pencil and insert it into the spindle, slowly turning until the kink straightens out and then pop it back in. You smile and make toast.

Let's all just start spelling it “Whensday”! They can't arrest us all!

I see your bot following and unfollowing and then following me again. Keep trying! Maybe the thirteenth time will be the charm?

They removed precious metals from currency first, and now they’re removing base metals. If people understood how money works, this would be alarming. www.cnn.com/2025/11/12/b...

An anime "magical girl" transformation, but at the end she's just wearing sweatpants and a hoodie and heading out for a smoke.

We don't have the borealis so I'm just rubbing my eyes kinda hard

When Antonio’s men discovered the true goal of his quest, they were furious. Months spent searching for a #myth! They vowed to head for home at first light, but they never saw the dawn. He went on alone. The next night, a voice called from the darkness. He stood, ready to run. #vss365 1/4

I turned on "location sharing" and now I have six room mates.

ICYMI, I posted a new fantasy story! If you've ever felt stuck in a life that wasn't quite the one you wanted, you'll probably relate to this.

First line from each of the 4 books in The Audacity series! Available here: www.carmenloup.com/novels-bcover

The sorceress appeared at the bus stop in a cloud of smoke. “Chosen one! You’re the new Fairy Battle Princess!” Jen looked up from scratching her armpit. “Me?” “Yes, you! We’ve got a world to save!” “Do I have to wear a chainmail bikini?” “What? No, of course not.” “…Can I?” “Ugh, fine.” #vss

A B-52s version of the Fisher-Price See 'n Say that makes all the animal noises from Rock Lobster.

There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem: Make Bond a timelord.

The tractor beam pulled Bill into the sky. As he rose higher, he realized the UFO was closer than he thought, just very small. The ship was the size of two hubcaps glued together, and the airlock only eight cm wide. “Umm, guys?” he called. “Maybe if you abducted me one limb at a time?” #vss #sff

And in other news, a startup company is offering a cheap substitute for a genuine human need. According to the CEO, “Our product uses bright colors and sexy curves to dull the persistent ache of your unfulfilling life. For only $19.99 a month, you’ll be able to ignore the emptiness in your soul.”

The Washington Generals aren’t the only professional losers in Washington.

“Dad,” Susie asked, “why do we have security cameras?” “It’s a safety #measure,” Tom said. “To protect us from the little people.” She looked out the mansion’s picture window at the smaller houses down the hill. “Oh!” “Thanks for reminding me. We’re almost out of leprechaun repellent.” #vss365

The 7 deadly sins are Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Greed, and Eating someone else's granola bar without asking even though it's the last one and you know he likes to have one every day as a mid-afternoon snack, RACHEL.

Introverted hero keeps letting the call to adventure go to voice mail.

Stop posting censored screenshots of social media posts. If you're afraid Big Daddy Algorithm is going to spank you for posting a picture of the word "shit," you need to find a new virtual hangout.

Science fiction short story: When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans need a "smarter" species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help? www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...

Petrified wood is just regular wood that saw a ghost.

Lots of new followers today. Looks like the demon is holding up his end of the deal!

All the old Northwoods legends are true, to Morty's dismay. When his appetite turns to long pork, how will he hide it from his friends? Can a nerdy bookseller stop the destruction of wild lands with his new teeth & claws? WENDIGOGO: bloody horror comedy with a bite! books2read.com/u/mv5BzX