I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
š¤ 670
š„ 397
š 2057
It's just jokes
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vukmt5ibip7vl3a3ll4d37hb/feed/aaakqjbhan7bm
pinned post!
Inventor of the waffle cone: here, enjoy a delicious cookie with your ice-cream Inventor of the "cake" cone: eat this Styrofoam cup you piece of shit
9 months ago
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Ygrene
1 day ago
i forgot the word murdered and accidentally yelled āhelp iām being stabmaxxedā
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Jack
1 day ago
so fucking hungover from Earth Day
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Gef the Toking Mongoose
1 day ago
Yeah I work for The Onion* *the glowing vidalia that floats in the back of my cupboard and commands me to commit crimes
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stefan
about 9 hours ago
"what if shirts had foreskins?" - the inventor of the turtleneck
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I just saw a guy driving with a giant stencil across his windshield that said "King Of Sex" and I'd just like to congratulate his majesty on his 2005 Chevy Cavalier
about 2 hours ago
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stefan
about 3 hours ago
I truly donāt understand the hostility towards innovation. Just because I crafted my companyās business brand and model to be faithfully based on a classic dystopian sci-fi novel villainās evil plan to subjugate the human race, suddenly Iām the 'bad guy'?
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Travis comma bitch
about 5 hours ago
in the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
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mean things I say to myself
about 8 hours ago
Imagine trying to sexualize me and I am just vibing like this
www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8gb7reK/
loading . . .
double down diva
TikTok video by Izzy
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8gb7reK/
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karasocial relationship š
about 2 hours ago
so they took away my sword and kicked me out because i kept saying "samurais and shine!" every morning
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Michelle
1 day ago
My favorite part of a football game is when they get together and tell secrets before each play.
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Steve Morgan
2 days ago
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Jack
about 4 hours ago
Here me out: 19 wheelers
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š L.T. Vargus, disgraced authorš
1 day ago
huh. this suppository tastes kind of minty
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Jason, ex Inferis
about 6 hours ago
āOne thing led to anotherā yeah, man thatās generally how time works
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Fun
about 15 hours ago
social media should be like 80ās video games, where if you crash out or become the main character of the day, you have to go all the way back to myspace and start over
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Jack
about 9 hours ago
In retrospect I didnāt need a rehearsal dinner, I had experience eating dinner many times prior to that.
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Me *speaking loudly and ostentatiously shuffling through my mail at the post office*: this "current resident" fella sure has a lot goin' on!
about 7 hours ago
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I think it's nice the Beastie Boys had so many friends named Mario they had to specify Mario C. It's like me with Jeffs.
about 8 hours ago
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The Onion
1 day ago
Ashamed Meta Employee Just Tells Everyone He Works As Guard In Private Prison For Disabled Children
https://theonion.com/ashamed-meta-employee-just-tells-everyone-he-works-as-g-1851012454/
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Mujib
1 day ago
No, but Destinyās child might. Iām a survivor.
loading . . .
Will Destiny the humanoid robot take your job?
Futuristic commercial robots are being developed in a village where many once worked as coal miners.
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cp9vk4vyyv1o
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Catbus
about 18 hours ago
I will never apologize for a post
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FROVO
about 18 hours ago
ME: if the plural of foot is feet then the plural of boot should be beet SHOE STORE SALESMAN: um okay how do the beet fit
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Rob Cee
1 day ago
Efficiency tip: Eat a lot of stuff with baking soda in it so as to brush your teeth while you're chewing.
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cat damon
2 days ago
me: he's a glove that sells hamburger helper girl looking at the posters in my room: no i get it
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Better Things Are Possible
about 21 hours ago
Why would a ROBOT have an ACCENT. Talking about the terminator movie. Sorry this is about 40 years late I've been busy
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Eric Alper
about 23 hours ago
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Dan Cerinthedark
2 days ago
big bumblebees bump around so politely like āoh, sorry Missā *tips a little top hat*
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James
about 19 hours ago
CONCRETE INVENTOR: at long last, iāve created liquid rock [6 hours later] CONCRETE INVENTOR: god damnit
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Gef the Toking Mongoose
about 20 hours ago
If someone pissed on my leg and told me it's raining the deceit would be the least of my concerns
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lauren
about 19 hours ago
i don't really know football so to me "Mike Vrabel" is just the sound professor frink shouts when he gets kicked in the crotch
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans)
about 21 hours ago
I held back on shit-talking Mr. Beast for a long time because all I really knew about him was he had a face like a haunted doll. I didn't want to hold that against him, but it turns out he's pretty evil anyway so let's call that a W for the ol' intuition.
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sweetie Ļ
about 22 hours ago
why do things have to be shrouded in mystery why canāt they be shrouded in hot dogs
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josh (oldfriend99)
about 24 hours ago
Michael jackson haters love to bring up the nude photos of young boys in his bedroom safe, but they never mention all the normal stuff in his house: picture frames, tables, lamps, etc
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Miss Havishambles
1 day ago
Luminol but for me to find out who ate the last kitkat.
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The Onion
about 23 hours ago
Walls Closing In On Toddler Who Claimed TV Broke Itself
https://theonion.com/walls-closing-in-on-toddler-who-claimed-tv-broke-itself/
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trickykat
about 21 hours ago
your toxic trait is trying to merge three joke formats into one wolf in this economy
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Akela Cooper
about 22 hours ago
MICHAEL'S CHILD SEX ABUSE ALLEGATIONS WILL RETURN IN AVENGERS DOOMSDAY
add a skeleton here at some point
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weeder
about 22 hours ago
Really tried to quit pretzel crisps last week and discovered they're a load-bearing pillar of my mental health at the moment
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TwoSense
about 23 hours ago
(forgetting the word thirsty) Iām horny for some water.
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Sunshine Jarboly
2 days ago
my wife opens my diary & her jaw drops as she reads page after page after page after page of bigfoot poetry
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B š
1 day ago
doctor (looking at my x-rays): āhereās the problem maāam, youāre full of wolvesā
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FROM Season Four Wires
4 days ago
Did you know that therapy takes more than one appointment? Just found out and i am LIVID
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Asking the stylist to shave off all my hair so I won't get controlled by a rat
about 21 hours ago
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Travis comma bitch
1 day ago
My actions were being controlled by a rat that was pulling on my hair, your honor
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ceej
about 23 hours ago
ME: Ah, but one of us only lies and the other tells only the truth! OTHER GUY: (to the adventures) He does this every time. You guys can just go in
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Siege
1 day ago
Itās not just my personality thatās infectious now that I have Norovirus.
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Patrick Monahan
1 day ago
Hello, this is your long time doctor. Ahead of your appointment, please fill out these 800 forms providing us with information we already have. Thank you
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Marjorie James Keenan
1 day ago
Gregarious would be a great way for Greg and Gary to announce their pending nuptials
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FROVO
1 day ago
SHEEP: okay you're in charge of keeping the flock together ME: what SHEEP: you herd me
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"I just hope we can find a happy medium" They speak with the dead, Brenda, people like that are never happy
1 day ago
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