You know summer has arrived in Ireland when the rain feels slightly warmer as it soaks you to the bone.

You know summer has arrived in Ireland when the rain feels slightly warmer as it soaks you to the bone.

I wonder if meteorologists in Ibiza and Barbados get bored having to say "Today it will be hotter here than in Ireland and the UK" 360 days a year.

Hating someone because of their race, religion, sexual orientation or gender is stupid. If you just take the time to get to know them, you can hate their personality.

I wonder if meteorologists in Ibiza and Barbados get bored having to say "Today it will be hotter here than in Ireland and the UK" 360 days a year.

Good Cop: i'm the chief of police Math Cop: i'm the county sheriff

Some dance to remember Some dance to forget Some dance to YMCA

to get away from someone who admired my work and bombarded me with questions about it, i hid at the top of a church out of the prying fan, into the spire

only one day into our new reform council and i’ve already had a cigarette on the bus, whacked a noisy kid (not mine), seen a chalky white poo on the street (mine) gone to work half cut and erected 15 of these (pictured) we’re a proper country again

I just realized that RFK has probably been the fifth dentist all along. 🙈

Vibe coding, but in a medical sense.

Vibe coding, but in a medical sense.

I liked the first three Star Wars posts I saw, but I haven't really bothered to look at the more recent ones.

You can tell it's Star Wars day because the jokes are so forced.

You can tell it's Star Wars day because the jokes are so forced.

I liked the first three Star Wars posts I saw, but I haven't really bothered to look at the more recent ones.

”Boot”, a ten-part gritty Netflix series showing her creation.

The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe is due a reboot.

Hitler had plenty of ballroom.

Taurus: Dance like no one is watching. Run like you're not being chased. Hide the evidence in the dumpster. Await further instructions.

Isaiah 66:25 And God blessed them, and said unto them; "she was 16, which is the age of consent where I come from"

Threesome - sex between three people Handsome -

In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators, because we’re raised differently.

Made me think of this classic by @mooseallain.bsky.social

Commitment to the bit

Turns out "celebrity roast" and "eat the rich" are two different concepts. I know that now.

SHEEP: okay you're in charge of keeping the flock together ME: what SHEEP: you herd me

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about

Can't decide between visiting family today or spelunking. One is a treacherous descent into a dark pit and the other is cave exploration.

"My wife got hurt after annoying the marsupials on our trip to a Malaysian zoo." "Kuala Lumpar?" "No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

Isaiah 66:25 And God blessed them, and said unto them; "she was 16, which is the age of consent where I come from"

How to serve an iceberg lettuce

A man just shouted at me until I answered his questionnaire on christianity. He scared the b) Jesus out of me.

just saw someone call Kash Patel “J Edgar Boozer” and need to lie down

Turns out "celebrity roast" and "eat the rich" are two different concepts. I know that now.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration" - Thomas Edison, inventor of the phonograph, incandescent lightbulb, and roll-on deodorant.

When the inventor of deodorant came up with the idea, it was a you-reek-ugh moment.

Just used the last of the antiperspirant spray. Roll on tomorrow.

Accidentally just sneezed on my toast. I can't believe it, snot butter.

Tom Cruise movies are so unrealistic. You never see him struggling to reach something on a high shelf.

Do I have a soul mate? No mate.

The time it takes to write a joke, from conception to birth, is the jestation period.

They say life begins at 40, which explains all the crying and incontinence.

EVERYONE: what are you doing with your life ME: [with the utmost confidence] regretting it

Cat Jesus: so that’s when I said “father, forgive them; they know not what they do”… but then, like 3 days later I was BACK— and I still have 8 more lives

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

"I don't suffer fools gladly" - people who don't follow me