Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool Michael Jackson, shamone eehee!

"I don't suffer fools gladly" - people who don't follow me

The International Olympic Committee has announced it will now create specific events for each individual athlete, so nobody ever has to compete against anyone faster, stronger, or better than them. Everybody wins!

there was a young man from cork who got limericks and haikus confused

The International Olympic Committee has announced it will now create specific events for each individual athlete, so nobody ever has to compete against anyone faster, stronger, or better than them. Everybody wins!

I don’t use predictive text, but this was pretty good.

When God closes a door, he opens a window, then turns the light on and off three times. OCD can be so debilitating.

INVENTOR: i have just created the push button MARKETING GUY: should i do a press release INVENTOR: that’s how it works, yes

Hating someone because of their race, religion, sexual orientation or gender is stupid. If you just take the time to get to know them, you can hate their personality.

“For better or worse , better or worse, better or worse” Optician’s wedding vows

His heart had a Chuck Norris attack

Chuck Norris doesn't rest in peace. Peace rests in Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't rest in peace. Peace rests in Chuck Norris.

Anglo-Irish relations. It's all fun and games until someone loses NI.

"Sure, if you didn't laugh, you'd cry" - Irish mental health policy.

Nanotechnology: my Irish grandmother on the O'Technology side.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day in Ireland? You're just as cold and fucking miserable.

People wishing everyone a "Happy" St. Patrick's Day clearly know nothing of what it means to be Irish.

Let's not forget that today is also St. Patty's Day. The American national holiday to celebrate the patron saint of burgers.

People wishing everyone a "Happy" St. Patrick's Day clearly know nothing of what it means to be Irish.

Now that Banksy has been identified, does this mean the writing's on the wall for his career?

Now that Banksy has been identified, does this mean the writing's on the wall for his career?

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars, as they arrive in their limos to the latest red carpet event - Oscars Wilde

I'm aware my personality isn't for everyone. It's a bit like marmite - fucking horrible!

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars, as they arrive in their limos to the latest red carpet event - Oscars Wilde

Sure, you can live in my head rent free but I hope you don’t mind having lots of roommates.

Son, when I was your age, apples were as big as watermelons, they were green on the outside, and when you cut ‘em open, they were red and juicy inside and tasted like watermelon

wait a second everyone lives happily ever after what kind of sick socialist fairy tale is this

I don't need fun to have alcohol.

He died doing what he loved - nothing.

Shakespeare invented over 1700 of our common words. They're common *now*, but at the time he was just writing complete nonsense.

My gf was asked to choose her favourite Canadian territory. I told her to pick Yukon but she was having Nunavut.

Just got out of the shower and accidentally knelt on a colander that someone had left lying around. I think I'm ok, just strained my knee a little.

A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita's all I need A little bit of Tina's what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long... - Lou Bega getting his affairs in order

Remember to look out for illegal "cut & shut" posts, where two bits of different posts are welded togethDorset until the late 40s, where he married a cellist from Bratislava, and died of pneumonia.

wearing my women in stem t-shirt on international women’s day to celebrate the fact that i was given that and a reusable water bottle instead of equal pay

This Tim guy is a ringer for Nigel Farage.

I'm aware my personality isn't for everyone. It's a bit like marmite - fucking horrible!

Here’s an easy mnemonic to help you remember the 26 letters of the alphabet

i feel like this is all happening cause we stopped pumping up the jam

This can't be the same brain that knew all the channel numbers

Music FACT: For security reasons, Kenny Loggins changes his name every 28 days.

Sport FACT: Tennis star Coco Gauff’s full name is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio Coco Gauff.

Dance like nobody's watching. Hopefully, your parents will make it to your next recital.

I have to assume Lionel Richie wrote the lyrics "Easy like Sunday morning" before he had kids.

Do one thing each day that scares you, like taking on a ruthless dictator, fighting a bloody war of attrition, or 5 minutes of standup comedy.