hot dogs glocks 🤝 being called a glizzy

*takes a shot of chocolate milk & slams the glass down* you trying to start shit with me?

Today is the bday of the very special @bornmiserable.bsky.social. I am so thankful our paths have crossed. People suffer AND help others, and he is an outstanding example of that. I hope you learn from him, it's how the world changes while the rest spins madly on. Happy bday, dear Tony. 💕

Hold on. I’m scrolling for something to be offended about.

Reverse cowgirl cuz I’m on hold

brings orange slices to your knife fighting match

meh, ive been blocked by better

im buying a typewriter microsoft can’t dick around with that and I’m serious fuck these guys

I can’t eat cookies for comfort because I already ate them for breakfast

All this talk about doughnuts is making me sad because I only get offered cream pies.

This can’t be right - me, after trying to have good posture for 30 seconds

I'm feeling pretty good Brain: Here's a list of things you can't ever un fuck

missionary so you guys can keep arguing

I have a very mild tree nut intolerance. Which means I can't even eat an entire gallon of almonds for lunch without feeling a little queasy. It sucks

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.

they should have had the guy who named kangaroos name everythign

I got front row tickets to my tv for the weekend sloth festival

He’d been missing for 3 years.

so, get your fit right, bitches!!!

If you see me at work looking like Daisy Duke mind your own business

my mood ring exploded is that good

it’s white claw szn bitchesss

I'm always willing to share my nachos for sex but I insist on half the sex up front and the other half after we finish the nachos

One of these days, these Crocs are gonna walk all over you

𝗔𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀.

what a terrible time to not be a terrible person

We Talked to 5 of Keanu Reeves’ Former Partners: They All Say He Treated Them Respectfully and Was a Generous Lover

when i miss my cats while at work

audrey turns irate loretta goes into a snit evelyn becomes vexed harriet has a fit of pique

Happy Thirsty Thursday! 🍌 @justbrady.bsky.social @saxmike71.bsky.social

I had an oatmeal cream pie for breakfast and drank coffee from a pussy mug, but I’m still horngry and thirsty

Every love song is about cheese

Made my other half breakfast two mornings in a row like some sorta domestic goddess, lil does he know I’m fattening him up so I look slimmer beside him. 🤣🤣

You give me a corner piece of cake and then wonder where my clothes went?

that’s not funny, my grandpa died baking a cake as fast he could

No autocorrect, I was trying to type out Edward Scissorhands, not Edward scissors hamster. Do you really think I’d find that kind of thing on Pornhub?

Stress eating about bikini season

🤍🤍🤍 @thewatcherknight.bsky.social @modern-001.bsky.social @justducky.bsky.social @thecard.bsky.social @hankfinch.bsky.social @beardium.bsky.social @oujt.bsky.social @smokeyjmirror.bsky.social @canaanmorse.bsky.social @jake2022.bsky.social

I'm thinking of training for a new trade, maybe pottery or bricklaying so I can build up upper body strength to throw them at the fash.

Explaining microfiche to my coworker because I’m 95 years old

The only reason I’m here is that someone has to be responsible for the worst posts on this website.

When does hot girl summer start? I need to know so I can start going to the gym last year.

I'm not a suggested follow.

New Personal Best: steps onto elevator presses one stands there (I was on the first floor)

my love language is laughing

#MetalUpYourAss2026 #MusicChallenge 1️⃣2️⃣ ...And Justice for All (Remastered) 1988

can’t rn i’m ranking chex mix pieces from least to most edible