Rub my ass like genies lamp and make a wish.

I don’t wanna be rocked like a hurricane today. I wanna be swaddled and rocked like a baby.

Laughter is the best weapon in the fight against a world filled with hate and tragedy, fear and loathing, despair and duck billed platypuses.

Life is killing me far too slowly.

I never had imaginary friends when I was little, why would I start now??

Anti-God Sunday starts with YOU!!

Sundays are for terrible people going on tv and saying terrible things, silly goose

Got tased at bingo again

When someone says something was done in poor taste, I lick it to decide for myself.

How can peace exist When dark agony consumes Every waking moment? #haiku

Ooooohhhhh! Bling bling!! 💍 Time to tap those sweet cadaver bones, boo! 👻 🦴 🖤😈🖤❤️‍🔥🖤🔥🖤❤️‍🔥🖤😈🖤🦴

Dancing in the kitchen after breakfast. Just in case you’re looking for some fun!!

I already miss hating the summer heat

🔥 ball!! 🎶

tbh when i was a kid, hearing that santa saw me when I was sleeping and awake kinda creeped me out

i’m going to start a daily newsletter and each day it will just say “well this sucks”

I am so over people’s bullshit Mine as well Sigh

harsh reality, relentless fantasy

Lord, please give me the strength to be as relentless and petty as 50 Cent.

I’d make you breakfast in bed and I wouldn’t even poison it

Need I say more?? #Naughty

i’m gonna be a little late tonight i was playing possum, sorry

I have a new possum friend I’m feeding at night ❤️

maybe I love the overlooked things, the little details, the words, the pauses, and the meaning between it all

I don’t want a husband, I want a partner!

They can find me guilty but first they have to find me.

I don’t want to go anywhere for the holidays because I don’t want to leave my dogs alone!

I not only have dead people inside me, now they’re in my mouth too!

If your doctor’s handwriting could sing, it’d sound exactly like Eddie Vedder.

My dentist said I’m a fast healer, so I’m pretty much a superhuman!

Can’t, I’m busy shocking the monkey

inside me are two burritos, they were delicious

[introducing my boyfriend at thanksgiving] he's a rescue

I would like a redo..life.

Honestly I'm just constantly exhausted by life.

I want someone that chooses me everyday, even when I'm hard to deal with.

I need to makeout with someone or I may just simply pass away….

[watching a musical] god, please don’t let it be another song…

MTG, I was just starting to like you! You can’t QUIT me like that!

Team can’t sleep logging in

they should make a hug you can buy from someone who really means it

who up astral projecting

I miss passionate kissing

I don’t like who I turn into when I play Boggle

If you’re exposed to radiation the best thing to do is bite people so they gain powers

I think I could get my life on track if someone anonymously sent me 200 thousand dollars

I think my mitochondria are mostly decorative

soul skating into your DMs