Twerking to classical music because I'm cultured.

34C should just be my bra size, not the temperature.

Me, after being reincarnated.

Taking my contraceptive pill with a shot of vodka makes it twice as effective right?

Well that's a new one. 🤡

Me talking to Mitch.

Haha that clip of Jurgen eating his chips. Best camera moment of the tournament.

Haha burn.

Hoping for extra time and penalties for a bit of drama.

If I went back in time just 30 years and told people we have the technology to allow billionaires to dictate how we live our lives I'm pretty sure 99% of them would get sterilised.

Macarena playing at a game with Colombia just seems wrong? No?

This is still the best goal I have ever seen at a World Cup. www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8Xs...

Completely neutral for this game but if the Swiss FA are seeing this I will back you if you send me chocolate.

Will Pete Hegseth and Kash Patel be supporting Colombia tonight to keep their suppliers happy?

It would be funny if the dolphin stood against Nigel Mirage in Clacton-on-Sea and won.

My favourite scrunchie just snapped. 😭

Why is it that when it's hot at home you have no appetite but when it's hot on holiday you're absolutely ravenous?

Need some advice please. If you send an email in Outlook to multiple people and one of the addresses bounces back as undeliverable, does it still get sent to the others? Asking for someone who just had to send an email to 26 people and would like to avoid doing that shit again.

I'm a simple creature, I say as I order some new heels and a dress for a night out I'll probably wear three times and then chuck on Vinted for a tenth of what I paid for it.

Ugh did he start?

Murica, the best country in the world, unless you count all the other countries that are better.

I wish I could mute USA, USA, USA as a song forever.

Working from home tomorrow, do I stay up late to watch the footy and nap during the day or be a good girl and go to bed?

I've watched the England vs Mexico highlights three times and I still love it.

Still a red card but not worthy of suspension.

I really hope Belgium spank the US after this decision. I was rooting for the US team before this but not any more. Fuck FIFA.

Fuck FIFA while this corrupt bastard is in charge.

Is he dead yet? Not Mitch McConnell, he's been dead for days.

So Mexican fans keeping the England players awake all night is totally fine for FIFA "fair play"?

Well my predictions have been shit so far haha.

I believe in you Paraguay.

Smother me in sriracha sauce and tell me I'm hot.

My favourite take of this World Cup is how people from the US, who have never watched football are now experts.

Lets be honest, Paraguay are playing for penalties here. And I hope they do it.

I wonder if they will play Daft Punk if France score, like there's no other French music.

Who's got two thumbs and is supporting Paraguay tonight? This stupid bitch.

1776? Cool bro. My local pub is older than that.

In the UK Independence Day is a movie. I have seen so many posts that we care, it happened a thousand years after we were a country. We don't care.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Why do Americans not know how to use a knife and fork? Surely the Pilgrims had table etiquette?

I have to go to London in a few weeks for a meeting with some new clients and they are taking us to Fallow so obviously I will be ordering everything on the menu.

Happy only day of the year the US gets the date the right way around to everyone.

I've been spotted at the wedding.

Him: Babe is that a new perfume? It smells lovely. Me: shovelling a bacon sandwich into my cake hole with grease all over my hands and face. Mmmhmm it's called Parfum au bacon.

So we'll be playing in the blazing heat of the midday sun, at altitude, against players who are used to those conditions. Fantastic.

Telling my bf I'm buying a Lovense clitoral vibrator so he can make me orgasm anytime he wants and just using it to stir my instant noodles.

Welp. Assassin’s Creed Black Flag Resynced road to launch page on Steam. With a clicky to see the image in high quality and the "high quality" image that link opens.

My mum: Always remember to wear a hat when it's sunny. Me:

Pubs are opening until 5am on Monday for the England game so if you would like the genuine experience of grown men drunk out of their minds singing "get yer tits out for the lads" now is the time to visit.