Stabbatha Christy
@lovenlunchmeat.bsky.social
📤 4403
📥 745
📝 433
Sentient camera. I see things. Sometimes I tell jokes.
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My dog stares out the window like he's recreating a Joe Biden meme.
over 1 year ago
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Emotional Baggage Claim
20 days ago
Sad to hear about Spirit Airlines. I only flew with them once, but it was $17 each way to Vegas, and my seat came with a half-eaten sandwich in it. You can’t beat that.
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Emotional Baggage Claim
15 days ago
This email could’ve been you figuring it the fuck out on your own.
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Emotional Baggage Claim
13 days ago
Silent reading is never truly silent reading because the voice in my head screams.
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Deeks 🫶
15 days ago
There's really no problem that can't be solved with just a little bit of denial
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Marc
14 days ago
I gaze at pizza like mothers gaze at their newborn children.
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Marc
15 days ago
Never regret anything you've ever tried in life. Just regret that you took pictures while doing it.
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Mal
10 days ago
Accidentally said “all worries” instead of “no worries” and I’m just going to use that going forward
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Jack
10 days ago
My teenager is interviewing at Wendy’s and I’m just like tell them your Dad used to eat there a lot.
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Nate's Myth
10 days ago
"you have the clutter of a much larger house", my guests all seem to notice, but do not say, bc they are polite
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Mal
2 months ago
You’ll survive but you’ll be funnier in ways that worries people
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Dreamer
18 days ago
Thanks for the dinner party invite. How much anesthesia should I bring?
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Lord Rat Squirt
18 days ago
Procrastination is a dish best served some other time.
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Tusk Jenkins
21 days ago
I've been hungry like the middle wolf that nobody cares about ever since the Duran Duran sorting hat put me in Nick Rhodes
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Skinnie Talls
25 days ago
Life is one long moment of letting it sink in
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Thanks For Sharing, Jerk
22 days ago
The Dark Ages but with the Expanded Sports Package
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Nate's Myth
22 days ago
the embarrassing thing about buying plants for your house is admitting you care about things
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Skinnie Talls
about 1 month ago
Most of the time the antidote is to simply stop taking the poison
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Prepping for my colonscopy by drinking bone broth, and this is the closest I've ever felt to Gwyneth Paltrow. 🥰
about 1 month ago
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Thoughtbarf
about 1 month ago
My stomach hurts. I wonder which one of my 70 unhealthy habits is causing it this time.
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mindi
about 1 month ago
beautiful morning to dig up soil ✨🌸
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🍕 L.T. Vargus, disgraced author🍕
about 1 month ago
me after unhinging my jaw and swallowing an entire rotisserie chicken: girl dinner
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Stabbatha Christy
about 2 months ago
Please don’t call me when I’m outside smiling at dogs.
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4 months ago
I’m like a rose in that I would like you to toss me in an open grave.
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chris.
about 2 months ago
Peeps are not to be consumed, they are to be studied.
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You always know a celebrity has hit hard times, because that's when they really buckle down the finances, and stop buying private islands.
about 2 months ago
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mean things I say to myself
about 2 months ago
You know the economy is getting bad when middle aged white men on traveling salesman salaries can only afford the one family
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
2 months ago
Sometimes selective amnesia is a sword and sometimes it’s a shield. And sometimes it’s another thingy, I can’t recall what.
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Salty MacTavish
4 months ago
I promised my truck that when it’s time, I’m gonna put it in neutral and let it roll off a ledge into an old quarry
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crumbum
4 months ago
I carry around a lot of nevers.
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Brick's House 🍁
4 months ago
Can any reply people out there tell me what a rhetorical joke is?
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Rick Aaron
4 months ago
Not to brag but I can now carry $250 worth of groceries into the house with one hand.
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C 🇨🇦
4 months ago
My mind never goes blank, it just wanders off like a vagrant
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Mary
4 months ago
I parallel parked so bad that I had to leave and find a new space.
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CrazyMyra
4 months ago
I wish people could live in peace, not just rest in peace.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
over 1 year ago
I'd like to be alone now please sign out.
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DaddyJew
5 months ago
nice try your honor, but I too brought a gavel
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Forrest Plump
5 months ago
Not heartbroken, not moving on, but an insufferable third thing
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
5 months ago
I grew up in the 80s so I think I know a thing or two about saying no to drugs
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One Dog’s Opinion 🐾
5 months ago
i apologize for what i said before i had my first cup of gravy
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Salty MacTavish
5 months ago
Like the huckleberry, I can tolerate shade but fruit better in dappled light
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DaddyJew
6 months ago
the person who named the Woolly Mammoth should’ve been able to name more things
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Pru
over 1 year ago
The older I get, the more I sympathize with the Grinch hating all the noise, noise, noise, NOISE
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Idle
5 months ago
Knowledge is power but the dumbest guy you know is probably doing amazing.
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Jack Boot
12 months ago
Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight; I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
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Robert Knop
almost 3 years ago
My parents are “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had surgery yesterday” years old
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niteynite
5 months ago
We are on year 8 with some of these gift bags and I think that's beautiful
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
almost 3 years ago
When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.
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Jason, ex Inferis
5 months ago
You don’t have to buy gifts for anyone when you believe in Santa.
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