when eating a corn dog do you eat the stick first or save it till the end

people sure will forgive a lot of your shortcomings if you give them what they want (fascism)

1. Number of stories about Trump buying and selling hundreds of millions of dollars in stocks in the first three months of 2026: CBS: 0 CNN: 0 Fox News: 0 NPR: 0 PBS: 0 Politico: 0 Semafor: 0 Business Insider: 0

the nambla administration

“In this world, shipmates, sin that pays its way can travel freely and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers.” ―Herman Melville, "Moby-Dick or, The Whale" www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DAQ...

might be time to reconcile with the fact that fascists are preternaturally good at reality tv

people sure will forgive a lot of your shortcomings if you give them what they want (fascism)

Why did I take a 5 hour lethargy

gourmand: you have quite a sophisticated palate artist: you mean palette forklift operator: he means pallet ESL teacher: fuck me i quit

i miss school talent shows do u have any idea how hard it is to get people to watch u do karate for four straight minutes as an adult

hey john. its your cousin marvin. marvin cage! you know that new sound youve been looking for? well listen to this *hangs up phone*

It’sa me Mario all the way down

the perfect disguise

remove the plane from the air and garnish with lemon - serve

Ice cream sandwich manufacturers bc like, “naw dawg, you gonna eat a little bit of paper.”

Never loan money to birds. They have no source of income. Learn from my mistakes

The Las Vegas Sphere should be an underground cosmic entity made from melted casino chips and ectoplasmic dread. You should be able to crawl into its mouth and gamble with your soul.

I’m like if picasso respected women

Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".

Alien Bud

Trump got called a declining nation to his face by a foreign autocrat he flew 20 hours to grovel before, and his response was to post a Biden blame thread. Staggering levels of humiliated delusion on full public display.

Roses are redde Noble are the manatees For a bettir future Teach artes and humanityes

If you have sex with someone other than a partner, use protection. In other words: stray safe.

P00P LIVES!

I'm rad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

Woke: OurPillow Bespoke: TheirPillow

Amazon, Meta, and Microsoft are all planning huge layoffs. Amazon got $17.5B in federal tax breaks last year. Jeff Bezos is worth $270B. Meta saved $13.7B in taxes. Mark Zuckerberg is worth $210B. Microsoft saved $12.5B last year. Its CEO is worth $1.3B. This is what a rigged economy looks like.

A great example of well written alt text

No, I’m not going to CALM DOWN. Why don’t you CALM UP

i bet the person that discovered fire probably thought they were going to get in trouble at first

In order to raise low sperm counts, we must lower taxes on the rich

I'm glad I'm not good enough for anyone. i bet that is stressful

When people ask what I’m really good at, I tell them… Hacky sack

I'm sorry if there were ever any times in which you wanted me specifically to see one of your posts and i wasn't online at the time and missed it. and i forgive y'all as well

Couple of months after every winter olympics I wonder if I dreamed the luge

happy mother's day mom, I know you weren't mad at me you were always mad at the dirt

blue cheese what’s next turquoise cheese

Whatever god that made commendable & condemnable so close together but have opposite meanings probably put the butthole where it’s at.

happy 5/11 to all the guys who are “totally 6 feet”

If we actually want to appreciate moms, we should be providing free childcare, healthcare, and guaranteed income for stay-at-home parents to put more money in families’ pockets and ensure no SAHP is reliant on a partner for their economic security. Idk I think that’s better than 15% off a vacuum.

*gets text during sex* "Harder"

*hears two cats having sex except it sounds like a baby killing a vacuum cleaner* me: ah, love

her: I'm into risky sex me: you mean like opening your heart to the possibility of love?

If you don’t like my piercings you can just take your dick out of my nose

[commenting on a porn video] *you’re

My genuine belief is anyone who gets excited about the weekend can understand class politics

There was a quote that said something like Black people worship a Jesus who knows what it's like to be lynched, while white people worship a Jesus who will forgive them for being part of a lynch mob.

LOL, that dude was my patient once. I made him cry, it was great.