not true

This only happens to you once

it's the last weekend of baseball--who's gonna win the balkstakes? that's right, which pitcher will finish the season with the highest # of balks? camilo doval is standing strong with 4 but nine are hot on his heels. who will be...mr fakeout?

Dinner party. The hostess is sitting at the table but somehow refuses to pick up her fork to start the meal & guess how long I can patiently wait here without eating? F O R E V E R, B I T C H E S

Well don't I feel stupid

What do yinz think is up with gender? How about race? I think I get class don't worry about that one.

Hi @npr.org! We worked late tonight putting together this handy pocket guide! It doesn't address road design issues, but if we're going to educate road users, we should include drivers. It's the size of a folded business card. Print it, fold it, put it in your wallet!

absolutely love this guy's insta (@chaadcrb) for learning ASL slang and sports stuff

Hmm

Got that dawg in me

anyway fuck it I’m treating myself to a few rounds of playing Bisexuality 2 (new from Supergiant)

Dress for the job you want! Which today is *consults mirror* Led Zeppelin IV-era Baba Yaga as such things go

Satoru Noda drawing high schoolers is genuinely hilarious, it’s both these memes at once.

The thing is, all my apes *are* gone.

Pouring out a slurp juice in remembrance

recession indicators I have spotted so far: -law school applications up -Sonic picklerita slush -well-dressed Video Music Awards -oat milk too oaty -pop stars in illusion mesh -pressing too hard when brushing (indicates gum recession ONLY)

1/ A longtime Wired editor just wrote a mush-brained essay about how he totally missed the political rot of Silicon Valley (& still doesn't get it). But in the late 1990s, a Wired journalist warned of a toxic ideology bubbling up from tech. Paulina Borsook has largely been erased. Let's change that

i challenge you to find cooler news today than “despite all odds against American scientific research rn, a CO researcher developed a temperature-stable, single dose rabies vaccine that works bc of particles coated in CANDY & SAPPHIRE, & it could help reduce rabies deaths in places w/o electricity”

baseball? oh, no thanks. I prefer to partake in activities that give me more joy than that, like removing my eyes one at a time with tweezers

My beloved wife has a cold on our last day of vacation so we ordered the spiciest chicken from the Korean place in order to reset her humours and FRIENDS I am SWEATIMG

ME: How's it look? MECHANIC LOOKING UNDER MY IMAGINATION'S HOOD: *wiping hands on a rag* I see your problem. You've been filling this thing up with despair when it's supposed to run on joy.

Artists, quote with something silly

recession indicator

the thing about Erdős is he may not have been diagnosed with AuDHD but he sure was treated for it guy took basically exactly what he would have been prescribed if he rolled up to a psychiatrist with those symptoms yesterday

there's a big problem with the culture here on bluesky, and it's that not nearly enough people are posting about the 10 year anniversary of Carly Rae Jepsen's groundbreaking and timeless album EMOTION being this year and how awesome that is

Choose your fav puppy

who out there pleasin' girls completely?

A good drinking game for Canadian millennials is the Heritage Moment Game where you go around in a circle doing heritage moment quotes and you only have two seconds to come up with one. If you fail, you drink. If you dont quote it EXACTLY you drink twice. If you repeat one already said, you chug

rolling raptures actually happen every other week but no one has ever been worthy

MALE LONELINESS SOLVED AGAIN

Me: Will, do you wanna see some reindeer? Will: Yeah! I love reindeers! With Santa! Remember Santa, from Paw Patrol?

Today I made an important contribution to humanity: uquiz.com/gaDdV2

"years of lead paint"

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work https://theonion.com/relaxing-tea-better-fucking-work-1819579209/

When my mom worked the cash at zellers a guy came in and bought a dozen gallons of antifreeze (and nothing else) and he said "I take a bath every year, whether I need it or not."

US Ambassador threatens to tariff, annex, and bomb Canada if anti-American sentiment doesn't improve

friday night hot take: channing tatum tap number should be just as popular as tom holland umbrella dance

Getting into anime from 2002

Disco Elysium is so leftist that the 4 founders split up into 5 rival studios. How they physically managed this I still do not understand. It's like something out of a failed algebra answer "invalid solution", but they pulled it off.

live your dreams and all, but make sure you have good insurance first

Technically I did meet my wife in the comments of a Facebook post my mom made saying if someone married me they would get a Kitchen Aid stand mixer as a dowry, but obviously it wasn't like that. She made a joke, I responded. And we only got the Kitchen Aid much later, much later.

No new pictures, where you at mentally?

I never thought so much of my life and happiness would depend on my making sure my pastor does not, under any circumstances, learn what a fursona is

META: Check it out, we made the funky hand controller from children of men. It only works on glasses you’ll never be caught dead wearing, requires a Facebook login, and will never work unless a nonbinary furry writes their own open source firmware for it in Rust five years after we abandon it

I think people hate him because eggs are expensive now and its much harder to eat 4 dozen eggs every day to get healthy and large, let alone eat 5 dozen eggs and become roughly the size of a barge.