Millennials and their coffee 😔😔😔

Yes seeing these crackers crusade against DEI in the name of meritocracy only to then witness USA’s highest ranking military officers get condescended to & told to violate their oaths by a draft dodger & the least qualified person to ever hold a position made me wonder if irony can be too poetic.

One of my favorite anecdotes from THE PREHISTORY OF THE FAR SIDE: "That doesn't sound like the Jane Goodall we know."

Why is it that anytime I wear high heels, you know, normal, feminine, girly kitten heels, I feel a compulsion to bellow, "Ha ha ha! Hello, Lenny! Notice anything different about me? Like the fact that I'm TEN FEET TALL AND MADE OF SOLID GOLD?"

We live together now. Tree stump

The weed number 😎

Hey, y'all ever got bit?

My kid got bit at school today and they sent home a "biting incident report" and I nearly lost it when I saw these checkboxes

"I think Locktober is getting too popular." "You think open discussion of fetishes is pushing out room for normal sexuality?" "No, I just think our mail carrier looks like he's having a rough time with it."

Buying my girlfriend underpants that say IF YOU CAN READ THIS, SHE FELL OFF

Chuck E. Cheese: Where a rat can be a rat

one thing hegseth said this morning was that service members would have to meet "height and weight" restrictions every year. I hope they can all maintain their proper height!

How else could one describe this but art?

Call me a prude if you want to, but I do think it's really weird to use your conference speech to list your favourite wanking euphemisms

Digimon World: Next Order and if you are preparing to tell me that it is just escapist slop you should make sure you play it first, coward

the president of the united states wants to use the american military to kill american citizens on american soil. that's the whole story!

The exhausting labor of moving house durera toujours

*gravelly New York accent* THE TRUNK COSTS EXTRA, TOOTS

My baby elephant creamer is the weakest point in my makeshift tea set, in terms of spillage, but I likes the cut of his gib. I just don't understand why he dispenses the milk through his mouth when the trunk would surely produce a better spout!

bnnuy girl time

My boss is a dog, a very severe Scottish terrier. He keeps getting called into racial sensitivity training for saying, "No, no. I don't see color."

Cross's Chipmunks line here is insurmountably good writing.

David Cross folks.

been rewatching yugioh (again)... mai wife...

No. Not all problems are solved by biting. Most can be remedied by feeding them to a ravenous horse.

Constant readers will recall that this is Marian's diagnosis for all outdoor activity. Block parties? Biting. Joggers? Biting. Traffic stops? Oh, thou hadst best believe they be met with a bite most fearsome.

Hey, y'all ever got bit?

It is great fun to watch ctoss-fitters hit the big tire with a hammer, roll the big tire end over end, and jump onto the boxes. Nice to see folks make sport with their friends. When they tape a rope ladder to the sidewalk and run up and down I should be allowed to bite them.

remember when we drank from the bottle 🍼 and played peekaboo with mommy 🤭 a spoonful of food was airplane ✈️ and we took naps every day 😴 repost if you miss your binky 👶

I seem to recall the marketing for the first Simpsons movie revolved around the opportunity to see the penis of Bart Simpson, a small child. I think marketing for the second Simpsons movie should mainly revolve around the opportunity to see Lisa Simpson's penis.

I don't want to hear an AI child describe what walmart was like in the benighted past. I don't even want to hear an adult do that. I don't even like knowing what walmart is. I think all grocery shopping should involve going somewhere called Sam Giffel's General Store to pick up a bushel of hardtack.

Also in contention for Most Adventure Game Interface: Noctropolis

Murph and The Ketones

The rarely seen anymore thronproof tweed, a tightly woven, semi-worsted spun tweed. Originally favored by hunters because it resisted snagging in brambles, it was later adopted by city folk as "rus in urbe" dressing. Unlike Harris or Shetland, it works for trousers and thus full suits.

"wow can you believe how bad this is" I already could, you don't need to show me it

Currently looking through all my old Procreate drawings to try and save space. I’ll stand by this one.

Gen X girlfriend made me the food of its people (avocado toast)

Coates is such a treasure and it is really maddening how he virtually stands alone in his willingness and ability to cleanly cut through all the bullshit all the time

Frustrated that -string doesn't seem to work for search engines anymore. I can't just search for keyboards that don't have stupid lights

LA Comic Con is a very funny time to ride the metro. All these imperious nerds in cosplay unwilling to admit that this is their first time riding a train, demanding to know why the train that just arrived at NoHo station is being cleaned before it sets off again

hopefully they bring back the most important thing from parasite eve: ❌atmosphere of new york in the winter ❌unsettling body horror transformations ✔️danny glover-inspired character shouting about sperm

I resented corporate power for the longest time until the American government that I live in started collapsing, and now I find myself quite grateful for the stability offered by the fine people at Unilever

Got to have a lovely lovely dinner with @odacm.bsky.social and @thegonzalez.bsky.social at Robin Hood in Sherman Oaks!!

Classic DW was taken off the air because the showrunner wanted the 7th Doctor to regenerate into a pair of luchadores. Would have been too cool for the BBC.

Me and my gf's new home is a confluence of many cultural backgrounds that we accidentally summarized in ceramic

It's a bit of a commitment, but this show really hits its stride around minute 685,000