We can’t say Bl**d American since 9/11

Americans when they hear Europeans don't have air conditioning

me: give it to me straight, doc. How much time do I have left? Doctor: Well, let’s just say—

Everyone debates endlessly whether or not culture influences politics but I swear to god being a kid in the 80s and watching Vietnam movies and reading Vonnegut made me hate war in my bones and once you hate war everything flows downstream from there. Then Stipe and Cobain etc finished me off

I know this is not the biggest concern going these days, but it stresses me out that basically every artist/writer/critic is now expected to create their own tiny empire instead of getting paid by any existing entity to perform a job they've worked to get good at!!!!

The missing giraffe, who claims to be poor,

logging on

It's better odds with scratch off tickets than reading and submission fees. I'd rather set money on fire and give it to the state lottery than give my heart to another writer and 25 bucks to add to the insult

We had moderates. They gave us decades of disastrous foreign policy, eviscerated social safety nets, soaring inequality, privatization, managed decline, and a party so terrified of confrontation that it treated rising fascism as a messaging problem instead of an existential threat.

the joke spray will continue until morale improves

my feed today: apple: it’s fucking over microsoft: it’s fucking over supreme court: it’s fucking over video game devs: it’s fucking over Wario64: undertale $2.49 on steam rn

As a Californian, this shit always gets me, because every elected Republican claims California is a hellhole, but then it's the only place they want to vacation.

I feel like I owe it to my cat to pet him until my arm feels like it’s gonna fall off

this court is monstrous, completely out of control, and must be packed until its power is broken that was true yesterday, that is true today, and that will be true tomorrow even if they do hand Trump a defeat on birthright citizenship

lol does this article really not mention that Clarence Thomas was in house counsel for Monsanto, the Roundup manufacturer?

Dems have to run on this hard. Do not let the RFK types try to spin what his own party just signed off on here. Actual Monsanto, the comic book villain of Adbusters days, was shielded from liability over poisoning Americans. I don't care if it's slopulism: this Supreme Court wants you dead.

🎶kama kama kama kama kama kama sutra 🎶 you cum and go 🎶 you cum and go-OOOOOO

guy on a bike called out to me ‘you look so beautiful!’ and i was steeling myself for it to get weird but then he called to a guy on a different bike ‘that’s a great bike man!’ and then ‘smoothie looks fire!’ to a third guy who was drinking one. so i guess i found him. Johnny Compliments

I can say I'm old. I can complain daily about my busted decrepit carcass and that everything hurts all the time. You however are not allowed to call me old

one of my most deeply held opinions is that the kars 4 kids jingle should be banned not just because the “charity” behind it sucks but because it’s objectively terrible and we should never have to hear it again

American police killings of residents are rising, even as murder rates fall www.economist.com/united-state...

FREE D.LY

Shocking news: Democratic voters are tired of the party being run by 93 year-old mummies only vote to bomb children

"Its swimsuit season", I whisper, eating another swimsuit

Ernest Goes to Arrakis

Use the voice

Mona Khalil, who devoted her life to protecting turtles, killed by Israeli airstrike: defector.com/mona-khalil-...

fun fact: they found the original digital master tapes of all the Reboot episodes that we previously only had in VHS quality, refurbished the extremely rare and expensive tape machines required to play the masters, and are currently uploading them to youtube for free in 1080p! youtu.be/inKdUICLmXY

it's kind of weird we skipped the breakfast hot dog in the buildout of our take-and-go breakfast infrastructure. i would have expected it to slot in between breakfast sandwich and breakfast burrito before we started investing points in the breakfast taco tech tree

a hookup, but it’s just me gently brushing your pretty lashes w an eyelash comb while you try to watch tv 😬

No one could’ve predicted that an impulsive, poorly planned war led by a senile narcissist and a drunk TV host would end in a humiliating defeat.

Advertise your bluesky account with a Simpsons gif

Shut the fuck up. You want to be nasty own it. You selling titty milk like it on the menu at Baskin Robins. Stop being a dumb bitch. The only health benefit is attracting simps. Now put that shit in a wifu cup with tits they gotta suck on and you got yourself a product. You're welcome. FUCK.

This but like top down from the highest seats that dictate legislation and resource distribution for hundreds of thousands of people. (Normal) People aren't ready.

computer, generate supercut: toughest animated batman moments. make sure the green lantern ring steal is in there. real aura building hours. oh, there’s already a ton of those videos? well, that won’t stop me, A Guy Uploading Basically Anything To TikTok

Piece by me this week - looking at the surging number of killings by police in the United States: www.economist.com/united-state...

ughhh i have body image issues and am shy but video messages seem to help sooo 🙈🙈🙈😭 okay im a real person im a real girl Im a journalist im trans and need help okay gonna hide for a minute again venmo.com/u/junostump Paypal: juno(dot)stump(at)gmail

I guess what gets me about this sort of thing is that people keep writing these sorts of things like we’re still in Peak Woke when we are in year 10 of the entire world revolving around the king of rapists.

I love how early Oracle stories are like, she’s at her computer and she has TWO monitors and she says things like, “this bad boy has 32 megabytes of RAM! MAJOR hackitude!”

It's really shocking that a young woman who had such a strong career, starring in multiple films, died of poverty while Disney sucked the marrow of one of her movies to the tune of $1 billion. When we say socialism or barbarism: this what barbarism looks like.

Please send tips All my work is free I need to survive, pay doctor bills For chronic pain, and eat Junoryleejournalism.com

excited to announce an IPO for my tech startup that's disrupting the personal fertility space (gets you pregnant from microwaving a diaper)

people ask me, "alexis, what's your process?" (they do not ask this) and i say "i could not get the phrase 'microwaving a diaper' out of my head"

"Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?" "Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."

There is no jerk-off motion energetic enough.