someone I had previously described to my partner as "one of the cooler slay the spire streamers" just started talking about his favorite lichens while she could hear

this is one of my favourite optical illusions. the arrangement tricks your eyes into not being able to see the letter "e", even though the original text is full of them. your brain straight-up replaces the words with ones made of other letters. you'll never see the real sentence

I don’t understand why their faces look so strange if they’re getting butthole fat removal

I don’t feel like it’s clark’s good morals that make him superman. plenty of people have good morals, but none of them can fly. it’s at this point that I simply have to mention kal-el’s kryptonian dna and its reaction to our sun. I honestly think that’s doing the heavy lifting

Historians abuzz this week as a new analysis of the Bayeux Tapestry has revealed a previously-unnoticed detail. It was always assumed King Harold’s final words had been lost to time, but it seems they were quietly recorded as: “help I’m trapped in a medieval textile factory”.

Firstly: asking a question doesn’t make you “stupid”—you’re hungry for information and eager to fill up on delicious data. Let yourself cook! Now, to the meat of your query: no, there is no recommended dietary allowance for sour candy,

started as six, I think? guys from the factory, laid off. they just wanted to talk and maybe do some tinkering. six. sixty. then, six hundred. it was a whole thing. news came. CEO saw, kicked in twenty grand, charity. of course, he didn’t know what they were building out there.

my girlfriend just asked me “is graham norton gay?” and when I explained that she might as well have asked if he was irish she said “graham norton is irish!?”

“What is this thick tome you’ve presented to us, young author? A collection of observations on mice? A folio of map markings? Some manner of encyclopediaiaea???” “Actually, it’s a completely fake story that I made up.” “How novel!” - probably how that happened idk

stand-up comedy? you mean vaguetalking?

heading over to the nineties zone of amalgaworld to catch The Simpstones in Viva Bart Vegass

and it’s danielle st. verve stepping up to the platform now, her debut “soft touch seeks hard limit” failed to chart and she has chosen trial by album toss. adele is watching from the vip booth, she’s agreed to serve as engineer this year, you can see blood dripping down her chin

no idea why we’re still doing library fines. there’s a literacy crisis and you’re mad at me for keeping the books too long? you should just be grateful I’m— by the way there’s a kid in here making extremely pornographic hentai figurines with the 3D printer. he says it’s his “business”. he’s scary

We’re catching Project Hail Mary tomorrow. During a particularly hectic TIFF, my girlfriend managed a fancy hotel and Gosling told her she “ran a very tight ship”. As soon as those credits roll I *will* be nudging her and pointing, “Your pal Ryan coulda really used you up there!”

whole precinct is mad at me because I suggested we hire one of the better neurodivergents as a consulting detective. we got a chick with ‘highly superior autobiographical memory’. it’s a neat trick, but she mostly just says stuff like “the victim died on a day I had an ice cream”

Hiker | Dog dad x 2 | Built the first cross-platform AI platform for builders who build AI building tools that build platforms for AI building building building tools with AI.

why was there never a movie about a guy accidentally learning spoilers to the finale of some big TV show and everyone trying to get him to tell them. they would’ve made it in 2009 and it would’ve starred Owen Wilson and it would’ve just been LOST they would’ve partnered with LOST

spent three years going frame-by-frame to meticulously correct every wrong angle in The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari and the first film institute I offered this new restored and definitive version to sent me a link to the Wikipedia entry for something called “German Expressionism”

someone just announced to me that they were blocking me because I did vagueposting. at this point I would like to formally request that people learn the difference between vagueposting and joke writing.

I still want the perfect-sense-of-direction belt, even if it gives you a brain disorder or whatever www.wired.com/2007/04/esp/

my blind friend got given a version of sight by testing an electrode mesh tongue implant that relays local topography with a grid of tiny shocks. he got kicked from the study for almost-immediately calling his girlfriend and doing the one thing the researchers told him not to do

there was a scene in tonight’s pitt that will have dozens of ao3 writers considering plagiarism accusations and I hope they don’t ruin what was otherwise a lovely little gift to the bizarre trope-junkie stan-based fandom this show has created

got fired from the hospital because I kept saying I was bored and we should spice things up by injecting air into my vein to see if it would really kill me

I’ve been updating my uber driver/uber passenger enemies-to-lovers fanfic for eight years straight, never missing an week, and putting out nearly four million words. I get so many comments, each one a version of “how the hell is this all taking place over a 20-minute car ride?”

Carter: Colonel! O'Neill (p90 pointed offscreen): come on, Daniel, what does it say? Daniel Jackson: well if Im reading this right, they worshipped a being named "Miette", who had the power to imprison you for... one thousand years... Teal'c: I believe it would be most unwise to awaken this "Miette"

they say the hardest part of any perpetual motion machine is figuring out where to hide the motor but right now it seems to me like it’s trickier to source enormous energy storage banks or construct some sort of absorbing pole to take the massive electrical discharges I’m dodging

"Add one small onion (finely chopped), then half an onion, then a quarter of an onion, then an eighth of an onion..."–Recipe for Mandelbroth

if you can always remember—without fail—to go settings and cancel immediately after downloading, the app store trial period is an incredible feature that solves immediate, temporary problems *for free*. if you can’t do that, it’s an evil, predatory scam engine

guessed months ago that robert pattinson’s character would be pissed off, got there by rearranging THE DRAMA to discover the hidden message HE ART MAD

going to have to be extremely careful with the language I use online as I am currently embroiled in a lawsuit with my ex-business partner over which of us coined the phrase “when someone tells you their selfie was taken on a real private jet, believe them!”

ACCOUNTANT: Most people can cut their tax bill in *half* by paying in Other Bucks. But you have to do the summon yourself. ME: Are you sure? Because there’s no button for that in TurboTax. ACCOUNTANT [ALREADY SAGING ME]: Ha! No. No, there’s no button for that in TurboTax.

final phase of the window project, now. I’m just watching my glaziers carry the new pane from their van to my porch. oh, someone in the neighborhood must have ordered something—there’s a little delivery robot trundling down the sidewalk. huh, going a little fast,

we were watching nirvanna the band and matt held up a copy of NOW magazine and my girlfriend pointed to the woman on the cover and said “I used to work with her at the hotel. everyone loved her. I think she died” and I kinda felt like I was in the show

that awful made-for-streaming sheen makes the harry potter trailer look like he’s gearing up to do an adolescence

paying to watch the new Harry Potter directly funds trans genocide, the entire series has already been adapted faithfully, nothing will ever top the experience of reading the books as a child, and this tv show will literally never be completed, but hey—at least it looks really ugly and boring

[smiling as I add carrots, celery, and onions to my soup] ah, the holy trinity [a cloud crosses my face when I drop a bay leaf into the pot] …and the sin eater

I’ve been a pretty harsh critic of generative AI, but having a fixed opinion isn’t strength, it’s a refusal to grow. Yesterday, I went fully offline and wandered the streets until I reached a breakthrough: I am going to become a filmmaker with Sora,

I’m so grateful that they planned out the entire 504 route, and it’s handy to have all these proposed schedules in the app and on various printed timetables, but I can’t help but long for the far-off future when these streetcars have actually been built and finally enter service.

Last week, several UAV pilots were granted time away from their screens and input desks to reconnect with their bodies, sexually. DARPA believes this will be quite militarily potent. Cowards in the press have labeled the initiative, “No droning, just boning,” like cowards would.

I'm not sure if this maggot joke is gonna fly, but it's funny on so many larvals.

looking like I overshot this by about two years

my granddad discovered a shape that can fit more of its outside in its inside than vice-versa, or something. no money in that, so my inheritance is that whenever a logician realizes they need the shape for a proof, they email me to check the math against pappy’s modified compass

if I’m around when a bad thing happens, my plan is to pull out my phone, my plan is to IMMEDIATELY start interpreting events through the lens, processor, and screen of my perfect beloved phone

look, it’s like I tell new hires at the casino: you can hate my automatic card shuffler all you want, you're just gonna have to deal with it

car manufacturers claim that the closer the driver’s seat is to the road, the faster it feels like you’re going. sadly, this means that—according to relativistic math—the princess’s single night tossing and turning on that pea would have felt like it lasted for six thousand years

Funding cuts mean MIT has to suspend its "Good Will Hunting" programme, which over fifteen years elevated one hundred and eight janitors to tenured roles in the mathematics department, at a cost of only two buildings being forced to close due to toxic and unsanitary conditions.

never understood the death of dvd commentaries because if I were a director that would be my favourite part of filmmaking. "here's how I did this cool thing: I used my smartness. I don't have to worry about winning you over, you wouldn't be listening if you didn't like the movie"

blessed to be suffused with solar power for millions of years, a tiny % of it harvested by plants, a tinier % ingested as vegetation and stored in dinosaurs, a tinier % of their corpses eventually turned into oil ALL! SO! SLOWLY! and then we pissed it up the wall in a century

posting “there’s no such thing as unskilled labour” over a video of a guy whose job is trying new flavors of dog medicine to find out which one least makes him puke

the wonderful thing about nirvanna the band the show the movie is that if you loved it and want more there is more there’s so much more and you can keep being inside that feeling of laughing with these idiots