"Dear Lord, may your loving hand guide Homer to the mattress, square and true. Okay."

♪ if you think I'm cuddly ♪ ♪ and you want my company ♪ ♪ come on, wifey, let me know ♪ ♪ ow, ow, oww! ♪

"Oh, don't you worry. Most of you will never fall in love and marry out of fear of dying alone."

"And is this your girlfriend, Ralph?" "Yes. I love Lisa Simpson And when I grow up, I'm going to marry her."

"What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?" "Let me handle this, Marge. I've heard them all. I like you as a friend. I think we should see other people I no speak english. I'm married to the sea. I don't want to kill you, but I will..."

"Mrs. Krabappel and principal Skinner were in the closet making babies. And I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

"Do you want to see my new chain saw and hockey mask?!"

"Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said." "If you ever get into trouble all you need to do is..." "Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all. Nothing at all." "Stupid, sexy Flanders!"

"So I says, 'Yeah? If you want that money come and find it 'cause I don't know where it is, you baloney. You make me want to retch.'

"Sorry I'm late, everyone. Somebody tampered with my brakes." "Then, you should have been early."

"More testicles mean more iron."

"Moe, this is L.S. Calling for H.S." "Just gimme the bet, Lisa."

"Let's see what's happening at the Super Bowl."

"Come on, Lenny I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. What do you say?" "Nah." "Come on." "Nah." "Oh, come on." "Ah." "Yes! Now that Lenny's in Carl will fall like a domino."

"Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on." "Max, what I did, I did because of alcohol and anger." "I'm tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incident occurred in 1956 when..."

"Jiminy cricket! Whoo! Expired ham."

"Put out an A.P.B. On a Uosdwis r. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown."

"Okay, F.D.R. is in the White House an ice cream cone costs a nickel and a hot new tune by Benny Goodman is hitting the charts. The year is 1939." "19...1939! Oh my god. Ive gone back in time! Oh my god. Ive gone back in time! Ive got to warn everybody about Hitler! And get to the ice cream store!"

"Look, just give me some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with you."

"Come, family. Sit in the snow with Daddy and let us all bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow."

"I love these real saturdays. They're so relaxing. Not like that fake saturday that almost got me fired."

"Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe Balls. *Silence, you fool. It can be ours.* Run, boy! Run."

"The floor feels a little gritty here." "Yeah. We ran out of floorboards there so we painted the dirt. Pretty clever!"

"Ah! I love these lazy saturdays." "It's wednesday, Homer." "WORK!"

"Hey, hey ya there, Midge. Oh, gee, I like what you done to your hair." "You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand I'm too tense to pretend I like you."

"D'oh! The bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom's big!"

"Ah, I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun."

"Old man winter!" "That's right. I fill your driveways with ice and snow. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's what." "Stop! Get out, you lousy... season."

"Smithers, where's that union representative? He's 20 minutes late." "I don't know, Sir. He hasn't been seen since he promised to clean up the union."

"You are... in grave danger!"

"Am I so out of touch? No. It's the children who are wrong."

"Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."

"Are you squandering the precious gift of life In front of the idiot box? Are you on your third beer Of the evening?" "Does whiskey count as beer?" "Maybe its time you joined the exciting field of monorail conducting by enrolling at the Lanley Institute." "Marge I want to be a monorail conductor"

"Hey, Burnsie! This was some swell shindig. Thank you very much. I had a great time. I just want to shake your hand. You're the greatest." "Smithers, help!"

"You have 24 hours to live." "24 hours!' "Well, 22. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long."

"My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old."

"Marge, we need to talk. You're spending too much time at the casino, and I think you may have a problem." "I won $60 last night." "Whoo-hoo! Problem solved!"

"Something wrong, officer?" "Yeah, got a taillight out." "Where?" "Right there." "One day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops." "They are? Oh, no. Have they set a date?"

"I got pictures of you, Quimby." "You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass."

"Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment, like Rain Man or Awakenings? I mean, what the hell am I doing here?"

"Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You're off the team! For good!"

"I don't think we're talking about love here. We're talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-I-l-d-r-e-n." "Sex cauldron? I thought they closed that place down."

"Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel."

"Ooh, January 1. Better get going on those taxes, Neddy."

"Oh, will this horrible year never end?"

"Welcome to T.G.I. McScratchy's where it's constantly New Year's Eve." "It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over." "Please, kill me."

THE THING HAPPENED