"What is this place?" "Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas If it were run by Ned Flanders."

"And this is for my huggy bug in honor of this special day." *"Special day? Is it bacon day? No, that's crazy talk. She's getting impatient. Take a stab at it."*

"My quarter! Aagh!"

"Where's Homer? Oh, and to think I spent all afternoon baking him this cake. I pickled the figs myself."

"National Fatherhood Institute. Please hold. ♪ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon ♪ ♪ Little Boy Blue and the Man on the Moon ♪ ♪ When you comin' home, Dad? ♪ ♪ I don't know when... ♪ "

"Read your town charter, boy. 'If foodstuff should touch the ground, said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot.' Since I don't see him around, start shoveling."

"I bring you love." "It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!" "Break its legs!" "It's not a monster. It's Mr. Burns." "Aw, it's Mr. Burns. Kill it! Kill it!"

"Ah! I love these lazy saturdays." "It's wednesday, homer."

"So I said if this is the House of Pancakes, how come I can't eat the walls?"

"Where's your science fair project, boy?" "I thought I'd investigate the effects of cigarette smoking on dogs."

"We demand you bring in a police chief who will enforce the prohibition law." "Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies."

"I'm not tired.I'm not tired at all." "Ooh, glad that wasn't us."

"This is Kent Brockman with a special bulletin. The Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated. We'll stay with the story all night, if we have to."

"The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in monday." "Woo-hoo! A four-day weekend!"

"Do you have a son?" "Yes, sir, I do." "Is he a constant disappointment? Does he bring home nitwits and make you talk to them?" "Oh, all the time! Have you ever heard of this kid milhouse? He's a little wiener..."

"Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?" "Uh... the movie or the planet?"

"Hello, Marge. You left you damn porch light on. Homer's not made of money, you know?"

"Bowling. Bowling here. Come bowl now. Get your bowling. Who's ready? Bowling."

"Damn you, Walt Whitman! I-hate-you- Walt-freakin'-Whitman! Leaves of Grass my ass!"

"You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter." "Wait a second. Mmm. You kids do need a babysitter." "Blast that infernal card."

"So here's the deal. You freeze everything as it is and I won't ask for anything more. If that is okay please give me absolutely no sign. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

"George Washington will be played by Ralph Wiggum." "What? This is a travesty. Everyone knows I'm the best actor In this ridiculous school. Someone's gotten to you, you deceitful cow." "That's absurd, Rex. Ralph won the part fair and square." "That's the signal. Take the boot off the car, boys."

TЯAꓭ ꟼU ꓘƆIꟼ

"That's where you're wrong, pal. It's not enough to want a cracker. You have to earn it."

"Well, Sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food or some sort of voodoo curse." "Hey, we've just been working the eyes."

"Oh, my demo tape!" "'Can I borrow a feeling?' That's your picture on the front!" "Go ahead, homer, laugh at me." "I already did."

"I don't know where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink."

"Hey, we're out of these 'New love' cookies." "Well, open up the 'Stick with your wife' barrel."

"Lisa! If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

"What? How dare you disturb me during nap time?" "We're from the nuclear regulatory commission. This is a surprise test of worker competence." "We, uh-- we make cookies here. Mr. Burns's old-fashioned good-time extra-chewy" "Get the ax."

"Why all the black?" "Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything?"

"My bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of...'Malk'?"

♪ Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? ♪ ♪ Smells like a steak, and seats 35 ♪ ♪ Well it goes real slow with the hammer down ♪ ♪ It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown ♪ ♪ 12 yards long and two lanes wide ♪ ♪ 65 tons of american pride, Canyonero ♪ ♪ Canyonero... ♪

"Ice to see you." "Ah, McBain. So glad you could make it. Have a salmon puff." "All right."

"You see, a lot of women are going to want to have sex with you. And we want them to think they can." "Well, if I explain it to marge that way I'm sure she'll understand."

"Care to join me in a belt of scotch?" "It's 9:30 in the morning.' "Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. Last chance."

"Would you mind lacing them up, kid? I have a bad back." "If you didn't want to tie shoes, you shouldn't have become a shoe salesman."

"Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now, so use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude. 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is just a dollar away."

"I want you to have my saxophone." "This isn't a saxophone. It's an umbrella." "So I've been playing an umbrella for 30 years? Why didn't anybody tell me?" "We all thought it was funny."

"I really don't see how this helps Bart." "Just do it." "Busted!"

"I love these real saturdays. They're so relaxing. Not like that fake saturday that almost got me fired."

♪ Joy to the world ♪ ♪ The teacher's dead ♪ ♪ We barbecued her head ♪ ♪ What happened to her body? ♪ ♪ We flushed it down the potty ♪ ♪ And round and round it goes ♪ ♪ And round and round it... goes... ♪

"Sure Homer, I can loan you all the money you need however since you have no collateral I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance." "Gosh Moe I use these all the time. couldnt you just bash my head in?" "Hey, are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works? Now, let's do this thing."

"Oh, well, this may be a dirty job, but the big guys at the top work even harder."

"The wars of the future will not be fought on a battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space-- Or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting Will be done by small robots."

"Hurry up and finish eating." "You're steering fine, boy. Hard to the right. Hard to the left. Cat! Deer! Old man!"

"This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world."

"Don't bitch to me, boss man. Thanks to the latest budget cuts I'm down to using grade "F" meat."

"There he is, on the monkey bars." "Try to take him alive." "Oh, no! Not again!"