"Homer! For the love of God, no!" "Marge, you know that batting this light bulb is the only thing that cheers me up after giving away those million-dollar greyhounds."

"My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic." "Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting." "Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"

"Dr. Nick Riviera, remember me?" "Well, if it isn't my old friend Mr. McCraig, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg."

"Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner." "Steak?" "Money's too tight for steak." "Steak?" "Eh, sure. Steak."

"I wore a 15 pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn't enough."

"You call that a knife? This is a knife. Down I go. Oh."

"Krusty, are you making any money?" "Nah. That guy's giving it away for free." ♪ The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be ♪ ♪ Ain't what she used to be ♪ ♪ Ain't what she used to be... ♪

"We've got a troublemaker in booth eight." "Forget him. There's a code red in booth three." "My God! Those arent the socks she came in with" "Um-um... Let's move."

"What you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem."

"Don't forget me." "Don't worry, Homer. You'll always be a part of me."

"Listen to your mother, Lisa. I owe everything I have to my mother's watchful eye and swift hand. Oh, there's mother now... watching me. What's that, mother? They have a right to be here. It's school business. I-- Mother, that sailor suit doesn't fit anymore."

"Hey! Get off my sugar! Bad bees! Bad! Ow! Ow!! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow."

"Guess who likes you."

"We hardly made a dent in that ten-foot hoagie." "I'll give it a good home."

"Uh, can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers. I have smallpox. Well, it wasn't wiped out in my house!"

"Ow! Gee. Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?!" "Geez, sorry. It's a pretty standard stunt, Homer."

"I told that idiot to slice my sandwich. Ow!"

"Hello, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I'm doing my rounds, and I'm a little behind."

"You ugly, hate-filled man." "Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I, um... What was the third thing you said?"

♪ So we'll march day and night ♪ ♪ by the big cooling tower ♪ ♪ They have the plant ♪ ♪ but we have the power ♪

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love."

"Could we have the money now?" "The answer is no." "I'm afraid I must insist. You see, my wife, she has been most vocal on the subject of the pretzel monies. 'Where's the money? When are you going to get the money? Why aren't you getting the money now?' and so on. So, please... The money."

"Get out here, son. There's a-doin's a-transpirin'."

"So this afternoon two suits come up to me and ask me to endorse some new sports utility vehicle." "Don't you hate pants?"

"I sentence you to kiss my ass!"

"Good news, everyone. I got in a fight with the garbagemen and they're cutting off our service."

"They call her 'The cat lady'. People say she's crazy just because she has a few dozen cats. But can anyone who loves animals that much really be crazy?"

"I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop and you never did it." "Those corn muffins were lousy." "Paint my chicken coop!" "Make me."

"And look at this. The only books we have are ones banned by other schools."

"Man, that is flagrant false advertising!"

"Can you help me get my ball down from the roof, dad?" "Sure thing, honey. You want me to get the cat down?" "No, thanks."

"I didn't burn down the school. It was the butterfly, I tell you. The butterfly!" "He's crazy, boys. Get the taser."

"Homey, I'd like you to do something for me." "You name it." "I want you to give up beer for a month." "You got it. No deer for a month."

"May I interest you in a jell-o brick, sir? There's a grape in the center.' "Well, I'm not made of stone."

"Bake him away, toys." "What did you say?"

"He's a box! My boy's a box! Damn you! A box!"

"Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A. Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc, was paid eight dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it."

"Oh boy... This is going to get worse before it gets better."

"Hey, it's Krusty. I need you to get me out of another jam."

"Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing, because you have a gambling problem! And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like santa claus? Well, you have a gambling problem!"

"Marge, it happened again."

"Homie, I'm losing my hair." "Now, sweetie, don't worry about a thing. I'll teach you to comb it over so no one can tell. Just like my hair."

♪There's a hole in my heart as deep as a well For that poor little boy who's stuck halfway to hell Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing and go on TV and sing, sing, sing And we're sending our love down the well All the way down We're sending our love down the well♪

"The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over. Conquered, if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. And I, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted tv personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

"You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" "Yes, it's a regional dialect." "Uh-huh. What region?" "Uh, upstate New York." "Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'." "Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression." "I see."

"Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers."

"April f..."