"You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" "Yes, it's a regional dialect." "Uh-huh. What region?" "Uh, upstate New York." "Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'." "Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression." "I see."

"Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers."

"April f..."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

"Uh, sir, why don't you just use real cows?" "Cows don't look like cows on film. You got to use horses." "What do you do If you want something that looks like a horse?" "Usually we just tape a bunch of cats together."

"Take it off!" "All right, dad, you've been warned. Let's go." "Hey. Come on. Easy."

"Ha, ha, ha." "Oh, my god. This boy is having an out-of-body experience. This is very bad for business."

"That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college."

"Wait. I'm confused about the movie. So, the cops knew that internal affairs was setting them up?"

"The town of Springfield has been classified NWB or "Nuclear Whipping Boy." In the first moments of a nuclear war Springfield will be bombed at will by all friendly nations to calibrate their missiles."

"That's where I saw the leprechaun." "Right, a leprechaun." "He told me to burn things."

"Oh. Uh, Barney." "Clancy!" "Hey, come on! You did me twice!"

"Oh, humans are so ridiculous. He's not even halfway through Walter and he's already hallucinating." "Lousy drunks. I'll show them!"

"Dolphins always help humans lost at sea."

"Well, I'm off to market." "Marge, you're making a complete fool of your... Oh, it's just Barney."

"I have powers. Political powers!"

"All right, here are your exams. 50 questions, true or false." "True." "Homer, I was just describing the test." "True." "Look, Homer, just take the test and you'll do fine." "False."

"What are you looking at?"

"This bear will take your verbal and physical abuse with good nature and aplomb. So, if you'll all just grab one of these two-by-fours..." "Uh, chief, can I at least shield my crotch?" "Bears can't talk, Kenny."

"Who rigs every Oscar night? We do, we do!"

"Oh, lousy Smarch weather."

"First, the award for the alumnus who's gained the most weight. Homer Simpson. How did you do it, Homer?" "I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch."

"Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now."

"When I first heard about the operation, I was against it, but then I thought 'If Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.'" "Barney, I'm not getting a sex change." "What?! What the hell am I supposed to do with this jumbo thong bikini?"

"As a sign of good faith to our australian "friends" we'd like to imprison Bart for five years." "That's tough but fair. Boy, go with the man."

♪ When a fire starts to burn ♪ ♪ There's a lesson you must learn ♪ ♪ Something, something, then you'll see ♪ ♪ You'll avoid catastrophe. ♪

"Now, close your eyes for a moment and really listen to that inner voice inside. Your inner child. Listen. What's he saying?" "Stay the course, big Ned. You're doing super." "Food goes in here." "Hey, Moe. Whatsa matter? You no talka with your accent no more."

"Oh, stupid tornado! Ha ha! It got Patty and Selma." "I feel it all the way up my skirt." "Ditto."

"Come on, you stupid horse! I got my last ten bucks on you. No, don't look at me. Run! No, don't come over here. Oh, boy."

"What a magical city. Can we come back next year, dad?" "We'll see, honey. We'll see."

"I won't be able to play tonight. My old gimpy knee has gone akimbo again." "Take that!" "Ooh... Smithers. That precision assault popped it back into place. Thank you, masked stranger." "Oh! He's gonna ruin everything."

"How many people want Homer banned from this place for life?" "Aw, come on, everybody. This bar is like a tavern to me." "Sorry Homer, you should have thought of that before you gave me the old 'sugar me do.' I'm taking your caricature down from Mount Lushmore"

"This is Ned Flanders, my friend!" "What did he say?" "I don't know. Something about being gay."

"Hey, Dad? Can I have a thousand dollars?" "All right. Wait a minute! For what?" "To pay for a lawyer for my bum." "Forget it."

"Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. Ya just give' em one of these."

"Hey, Homer, you promised mom you wouldn't wear your dress outside." "Nuts to that. I'm going to the movies."

"And let me say May the force be with you." "Do you even know who I am?" "I think I do. Weren't you one of the little rascals?"

"Son, this is Mrs. Burns. I just called to say I don't love you. You are a bad son, Mon... tel."

"Can you mix drinks?" "I don't know." "I'll have a Manhattan." "Make Legs a Manhattan." "I'm not sure I... "

"Yeah, it's a lazy, dog-dangling afternoon. But something's a little off. Hey, Marge, you don't smoke." "Well, I just felt like filling the house with the rich, satisfying smell of tobacco."

"You want to pick on immigrants?! Then pick on Willie!"

"900 dollarydoos!? Tobias! Did you accept a six-hour Collect call from the states?" "It was an emergency call from the International Drainage Commission in Springfield. "Oh, my God! There's nothing wrong with the bidet, is there?"

"Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!" "But, sir" "I said hop in."

"Dear Lord, may your loving hand guide Homer to the mattress, square and true. Okay."