THE THING HAPPENED

Merry Christmas!

"He's a loser. He's pathetic. He's... a Simpson."

"Ho-ho-ho! Here you go, little fella." "No, no, not for him." "Oh... I see."

"'Asleep at the switch'? I wasn't asleep. I was drunk!"

"Sweet Enola Gay, son! Get moving or I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party." "Sir, right away, sir!"

"Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! Ow! I'm in hell!"

"The garage? Hey, fellas, the garage. Ooh, la-di-da, Mr. French man." "What do you call it?" "A car hole."

♪ When you're down and troubled ♪ ♪ And you need a helping hand ♪ ♪ And nothing ♪ ♪ Oh, nothing is going right ♪

"Hey, everybody, look at this! It's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him."

"Are you wearing a grocery bag?" "I have misplaced my pants."

"20% off at Lullabuys. Just tell them big baby sent you."

"Watch out for the Shaq attack!"

"Out of my way, whoever you are. You're blocking the food."

♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ ♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ ♪ Springfield cops are on the take ♪ ♪ But what do you expect for the money we make? ♪ ♪ Whether in a car or on a horse ♪ ♪ We don't mind using excessive force ♪ ♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ ♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪

"Put it in H."

"Oh, save me, Jebus!"

"Well, you know, the problem here was water leakage. If you just buy a 50-cent washer..." "I've got a better idea. Get the hell out!" "Look, I got some washers in my truck. I'll give you one." "Marge, get my gun."

"Ah, he's still repressing. Maximum hostility factor." "'I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other.' Now, that's psychiatry. Huh? Huh?" "Very funny, wise guy."

"Are you guys working?" "Yes, sir, Mr. Simpson." "Could you, um, work any harder than this?" "Sure thing, boss."

"Please, don't take the steam tray. Sir?!"

"Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit you?" "I ain't saying nothing." "What do I tell the doctor?" "Tell him to suck a lemon."

"You know, I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to punch Lenny in the back of the head."

"Wow. Even Moe's moved to fancy new digs." "Hey, this isn't faux dive. This is a dive." "You're a long way from home, yuppie boy. I'll start a tab."

"You'd better have a good reason for doing that, boy." "It makes me feel like a big man." "Let me check my reason list. Yep, it's on here."

"You're right! I've been wasting my life away in that dump for years. That's it! I'm going to find a new bar to drink in and I'm going to get drunker than I've ever been in my entire life! Bart, where's my wallet?" "Right here, dad."

"Hey, miss doesn't-find-me- attractive-sexually-anymore I just tripled my productivity."

"It was the best thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible but the turkey was so moist."

"Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again." "That's not the way she tells it."

"Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Bart." "Yes, they do." "No, they don't. Dad!" "Two wrongs make a right, Lisa."

"One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time..."

"Give it up, dad, piggy ain't coming back."

"Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants?" "What?"

"In case all that smiling didn't cheer you up there's one thing that never fails: A nice glass of warm milk, a little nap and a total frontal lobotomy."

"So that's it? After 20 years, so long, good luck?" "I don't recall saying good luck."

"Nobody ruins my family vacation but me and maybe the boy."

"Welcome to remedial science 1-A. My wife recently passed away. I thought teaching might ease my loneliness." "Will this be on the test?" "No."

"Hey, they got chairs with wheels. And here I am, using my legs like a sucker."

"So, this patch steadily releases nicotine into my body eliminating my need for cigarettes."

"Smithers, this beer isn't working. I don't feel any younger or funkier." "I'll switch to the tablespoon, Sir."

'Clancy, use the remote." "Oh, yeah."

"I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute."

"Stupid trash... Rotten, stinky... Hate world... Revenge soon... Take out on everyone... Aah! Garbage water!"

"Aw, man, he's making us look like a bunch of cheapskates. Whoa, whoa, my rope came loose."

"What's Gabbo? I figure it's some guy's name. Some guy named Gabbo. Hmm." "I don't think they're giving you enough information, dad." "I'll figure it out. I'm going to use all the power of my brain."

"Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain?"