WELCOME TO THE DRACULA PAPRIKA DISCOURSE!! (meme from tumblr, not my own, original link seems to be dead now)

old_growth: homosaps would domesticate dinosaurs bustet: bullshit. that's not canon oldgrowthbc4000: they'd, like, make velociraptors eat catfood and shit. housebroken. bustet: dm me when you see what they did to the bison rayon_vert: did the dodo arc somehow not lodge in your worm-eaten brain?

Helping Her Digest The Meal

If I didn't know much about science book, I would be taking that information to the grave. You couldn't torture that out of me.

To Shoot a Beetle, 1964 by John Wilde

games where you play as a lesbian collision volume are simply another illustration of the power held by the sinister lesbian collision volume lobby

im learning so much from data aaa the self-knowledge is coursing tthrough me....

YOU: i'm accessing seditious websites and performing forbidden hand motions ME: *serenely listening to the executive director's wise edicts*

yuri about the strange woman from the forgotten department who obsessively researches faster ways for computers to communicate with each other across vast distances because she is "summoning something"

yes dorothy your laser cannon is very impressive, now please stop destroying the town's beautiful windmills

do children require protective gear to work in the poison mines? no! we're proud to have a Child Attrition Rate (CAR) well below the national average, and we have recently secured new sources of children which will last us through FY 2030

Oh, that? Yeah, picked it up at a flea market. Wood needed reconditioning, but at least it saves it from fucking upcyclers throwing a goddamn paint wash on it, right? Yeah, must have been a witch's, you know— Oh, because of the noises it makes when you take the knives out. Or, uh, put 'em back in

a woman who can turn into a pastry is threatened by the secret desires of her hungry wife

like many citizens, i'm enjoying today's parade to celebrate the president, Jonjo T Whiteguy, and reaffirm the Basic Truths of His Existence: he's real! he was born in our universe to a human woman. normal weapons can harm him. he can be perceived unfiltered, without risk of blindness or death.

your estranged wife threatens to destroy the city with her magic sceptre the mayor slaps you on the back "a sceptre is a kind of wand, or staff," he offers helpfully

airports are designed to separate delicate feminine airplanes from the grubby claws of the general public

(ON PHONE, LOUDLY): yeah, most jet planes come from 'Jet Island'. nobody knows how they're made except The Professor. and he disappeared years ago

good girls will get a visit from the yuri spider. bad girls, too

Yes, My Battle Cry Is 'Send Feet Pics, You Rebel Dog', There's Nothing Unusual About That

i have extra dreamlimbs from a childhood dream in which ARM GODDESS intervened when i was attacked by a vast bird

often feel sorry for shodan. just think of that ugly, violent brute panting & sweating as it runs through the corridors of your mind

doctor please. please stop testing me for "money vampire genes". i am merely a cog in a vast industrial machine that is slowly destroying all life on earth

woman goes to doctor. says she's depressed, worn down by life. doctor says, i have just the thing. bratty elf girl. woman says, "bratty elf girl?" doctor nods. bratty elf girl. "not clown pagliacci?" doctor shakes his head. bratty elf girl.

darren aronofsky is such a great storyteller. who could forget this incredible moment from 'the fountain' which really moved me in the cinema

sire. the puppygirls have breached the outer wall. we must retreat to the inner sanctum

Watch for the goat's magick!

'Tis absolutely enormous!

Shall we jump? It might shorten our path ...Or our lives

the smallest units of meaning are morphemes. *leans over the bar darkly* if you believe linguists, that is

trash was full of used adult diapers, torn wedding album sitting on top. environmental storytelling

cool how the computer can just lie to you now

John! John, it's Marvin. Your cousin, Marvin Milton! You know that justification of the ways of God to Man you're looking for? Well, listen to this! *begins reciting the entirety of the Bible*

incorrect, old man. my biggest weakness is someone pulling my hair and telling me i'm a slut. or being stabbed with the seven sacred daggers of tel megiddo. but the hair pulling is easier and requires less occult knowledge

PRECOCIOUS CHILD: oh! oh how beastly it is to be alive! the necessary surrender of childish authenticity for functional social existence! the wretched gap between public self and private truth! oh! oh!

[detective waving phone around at crime scene] AI says this guy died of his injuries

if i could be anyone i'd probably be denise crosby's character in miracle mile: a powerful businesswoman who knows about the upcoming nuclear war

Suggested for Me

AS AN EXPENSIVE COMMENCEMENT SPEAKER: *clears throat* we are, all of us, the future of forensic science. *leaves podium*

Do you just want to be a cog in a machine your whole life? A gleaming, sexy cog, perfectly machined, utterly mindless, forced to rotate at whatever speed I command?

a whip is a snake you can kiss and it will never become angry or jealous

LRT reminded me of that oral history piece on the films of thomas vinterberg

“Unc” is a contemporary slang[1] term, an abbreviation of “Unchristian”, used originally to describe the evil clone[2] of Christian Slater[3] created in a freak laboratory accident on the set of True Romance[4]

darn. the air tonight is heavy with the smoke of toxic cougars

I'm not made of human meat. They stuck a lot of bowling balls together, and I was birthed eventuslly

oh, no, i'm practicing traditional chastity. you know, kneeling before a mirror every night and being assailed by horrifying visions of a skeletal knight chasing me through the woods, the diaphanous fabric of my dress torn and bloodied by the thick underbrush

i want to do a "don't make me tap the wittgenstein" joke with this but probably it's played out by now

here's how i would handle a judd apatow type situation INT. EVIL QUEEN'S DUNGEON NIGHT SETH ROGEN: hey no way, did you guys get framed for treason by a jealous uncle too? ME: shut up seth rogen. and do not speak to me. i am here purely for weird sex reasons see? gotta nip it right in the bud

remembering to put on a Normal Face when the lift doors open