farting into balloons and selling them for 5 bucks each

And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take a deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

we need a joe camel for the left

(scoffing) water is a terrible material for building a shed

It's not okay to cry when your tears have been replaced with thick vanilla custard. In fact, it is wildly inconvenient when this happens.

Another sunset that speaks to me

Oh no, some politicians might actually have to earn the support of voters now, the horror.

hold my calls

I'm heading to the beach today so that my anguished cries of frustration can be drowned out by the sanguine screech of seagulls.

Any picture of Mamdani, he's living his best life, meanwhile every other politician looking flogged by an invisible demon

Three ghosts walk into a bar... and keep walking right through the damn thing!

Checking out someone’s butt should be referred to as hindsight.

Today's new friend: this juvenile toad (𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘹𝘺𝘳𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘱.)

men are from mars, women are from mars too but a nicer one without so many idiots

I have never been to a Chuck E. Cheese so I got some Totino’s pizza and put a Gwar cassette in a Teddy Ruxbin

the VIRAL sensation everyone is talking about: doo-doo wiener

Oh, to be a toad in the shadow of a marigold.

I took my eye off the ball and can see so much better now

smol, round, and grumpy

“Don’t eat th- Oh well, I hope you didn’t have anything planned for the next ten hours or so. Come by my nest and I’ll lend you my VHS of Fantasia.”

Why did you abandon us? Support has completely stopped. I have lost my daughters I have no one left but Ibrahim. I look at him with helplessness, no longer able to feed him. Hospital costs are expensive. We no longer own anything. Please, donate now. Save my only child!😭 chuffed.org/project/1611...

crazy to me that rich people have been so successful in perpetuating the lie that the poor are stealing from everyone. they don't have any money. the rich people are the ones with the money! that's who stole the money

This jerk keeps stealing my spot

democrats pretend they can't fight when fascists are strangling humanity and then prove that they can every time a leftish candidate wins a primary

Alright everybody it’s the weekend do not let Loverboy down this is not a drill proceed immediately to the deep end

Everything is $6.95 now, have you noticed?

All the shit trees have seen

Call it what you will, socialism, socialist, or radical. We want what every developed country already has, like free Healthcare, equality, affordable housing in the richest country on Earth. We can't care for all of our people but can send Billions to a fascist state like Isreal. CNN aka Maga owned.

police detective Penis Tracy

Happy Father’s Day to my dad and every other man I flipped off behind their back when they tried to tell me what to do.

I hurt my back and can’t find the remote, so I’m at the mercy of whatever show comes on next, so yes, I’m having a 90s summer.

rfkjr’s headburster directed by ridley scott

[johnny cash voice] i skrrrt myself today

Why is it that every time I say, “at least things can’t get any worse,” they immediately get way worse?

I won’t be the only woman to be glowing all day everyday in this weather, excessive sweat out now, available everywhere.

I'll die on this hill, I'll die on that hill, I'll die pretty much wherever

handymen imply the existence of footywomen

saved a bat tn

You should be able to send a piece-of-shit-o-gram to remind someone they're a piece of shit.

Let’s get high and do literally anything

This poppy is trippy

I have accidentally re-activated all the scolding chiding features of my car and it’s like driving with my father.

They told us everything was fake, and now they’ve made it so.

Oh noes! I am finished here on Bluesky. @skankassmcqueef has blocked me. There's no coming back from that 🤣🤣🤣

Hey Q.... Pay attention.

tomorrow i will prove i cannot predict the future

Raccoon mafioso: You come to me, as a duck, prepared to negotiate for these grapes. I laugh at you, for I have all the grapes, and you my ducky friend, have nothing. I own the grape racket around here.

if rich people dont like the government, they just buy a new one.

If this doesn't look like it was copied straight out of Nazi Germany I don't what does. #EpsteinFiles

Have you tried putting mustard on your feelings?