they should invent an app that doesn’t make me curse humanity

probably because they were screaming

WIFE: [Watching Breaking Bad] So Walter dyes the meth blue so people know it's his? ME: Yeah Sharon, he's a drug...tealer HER: Get out.

*changing into my third costume to get more pizza out of the break room*

They should invent a phone I never want to look at

Designer: hey I’m done designing your pews Priest *sitting*: have you sat on this Designer: no Priest: this is terrible Designer: oh damn Priest: I think my spine is bruising Designer: oh shit I’ll fix it Priest: no we’ll take 10000

Mom was watching a clearly AI video of a puppy rescuing a child and I let her believe it like she did with me and Santa Claus

it’s so funny to imagine a silicon valley striver getting invited to a top-secret “ideas conference” ready to learn the Secrets of the Elites only to get trapped on an understuffed hotel chair for eight hours while a very sweaty billionaire rants about how the Actual Devil lives inside chinese RAM

i’m sorry but farming is cheating. you didn’t scavenge those cucumbers, you grew them in your field on purpose and “found” them later. and that’s bullshit

Somebody manipulate me. I’m bored.

90s scientists: “We cloned a sheep! We landed a robot on mars!” Scientists today: “Please stop drinking bleach and urine smoothies.”

I feel the same way about the upcoming holiday, in my heart

getting lost in the sauce sounds amazing

you look familiar; have we metaphor?

Change your A/C filter

Bluesky's media server already left for the weekend.

ssh ssh ssh rn we need to use our inside brain

Congratulations to America on 250 years since it separated from Pangaea!

astronomer: that star died millions of years ago but we can still can see it if we look at it me: just like me for real

It’s time to eat so you don’t pass out

As they ban trans athletes from sports to "protect women," I'd like to know how they're "protecting women" by standing behind a known rapist.

hitting a home run is one of the easiest things to do in all of sports since you don't have to run very hard

Anyone saying they want to do a genital check on kids before they can play on a sports team needs to get a throat punch and be curb-stomped until they change their shitty life choices

RIP funny thought I had while driving

BREAKING: Pride Month Extended Indefinitely

The goal of bluesky is to never make the discover feed

me: the word “Boob” has five boobs in it — top, front and side view therapist: okay I think we can skip the rorschach test

july is good posts awareness month! see you in august

saw this and thought of you ♥️

tapping the sign

i'm seeing a lot of ppl on here today defending the Democratic Party to the trans community and allow me to suggest not doing that

if i ever had to interpret the constitution i would simply read it

therapist: you need to ground yourself me: okay [lays face down in the dirt]

its completely underated how this is the most openly corrupt administrations in the entirety of human history

When I like a reply to OP before OP

probably the most morally compromised thing about me is I think it rocks when a woman is evil

BOY UNICORN: i love you GIRL UNICORN: kiss me *they go to kiss and stab each other in the face*

Holding hands in public is underrated but this total stranger doesn’t seem to think so

Turtles probably think our naked backs are hilarious

bsky this month

we need co-op posting here

I don't really enjoy the "Look at what this asshole said" genre of posting but it's hard to avoid when the assholes in question control the government and economy

researching baseball

(scoffing) water is a terrible material for building a shed

i can't believe they vaporized a baby for this