is a sandwich a speech act

you forgot to charge it . you should charge it. it came with a charger. use the charger. charge it . c

meme of Bong Joon Ho making his Oscars kiss but instead he is holding me and you

this looks like a trick daffy duck would put up to get bugs bunny into "the oval office"

s-tier posters will write good alt text, engage/riff in the replies, and boost good content

Me, sober: Ham is pretty mid, tbh. Me, drunk: Hey…you got any ham?

"i hate you and your business is dogwater" bro why would water for a dog be a bad thing?

the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo

bluesky should have a labeler for posts that are jokes

i needed cheering up so i drew a potato

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

We all have those 478 people we can't stand

Bro I heard you had to reboot

Prop 50 passed, Mamdani won, Anok Yai is model of the year. The world is healing.

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

click the “haha” response on your own texts (iphone) with friends to show dominance

bread. mustard. onion. ham. long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. then, everything changed

Can’t stop laughing at this

muppetized movie posters: thread

COP: you ran a red light ME: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction so i also did not run a red light COP: what ME: it’s a law look it up

you're laughing? when polls close, andrew cuomo is going to have to blast off with team rocket and fight meowth for a seat and you're laughing?

the mainstream taking betting and gambling companies as seriously as journalism is one of the greatest evils of modern society

Incredibly funny to watch the right wing going Oh so just because I love money and hate poor people I'm a bad Christian according to "the pope"???

in 2025, jd vance became vice mayor, expelled people from the country for having an ugly photo of him on their phone, murdered the pope francis, and even got with kirk’s widow

brock is now devasted because he just noted that ACAB includes all the officer jennys

it’s honestly INSULTING that these AI bros are hyped up as great geniuses and are making the future when they constantly show a complete DETACHMENT from reality and a total LACK of understanding of life, of how relationships, music, movies, games, everything actually work. a great sense of NOTHING.

Funny how the way you kill time for a bit becomes the way you destroy your life.

I’m so old, I can remember a time when I was excited to get emails.

[someone at paramount’s office yesterday]: got it!!! let’s make a demo of our useless ai tech that replaces the actors in a movie with ones of a different ethnicity, supposedly without affecting the story, using an iconic scene from a film whose entire conflict revolves around racial tensions!!!

breakfast 2 the sequel could fix me

Parents, please check your kids’ candy this Halloween. I’ve just found an ancient metal whistle with the inscription “QUIS EST ISTE QUI VENIT" inside a Snickers bar. I blew it and heard a note of infinite distance, and now I’m haunted by a figure in pale, fluttering draperies. Be safe.

*swat team helicopter circling above me as their megaphone crackles* STOP POSTING NOW

don’t ever make a joke on this app. it is against the rules. i don’t make the rules,

my all lowercase is my screaming on the inside

him eating rice with his hands, so disgusting that andrew cuomo has personally adopted far right racism and a seemingly MAGA social team, he just cannot win

Y'all must have some big ass closets with these big ass skeletons

number one reason sock puppets become single is laundry

it's so strange to see the white house destroyed by a backhoe and not by space aliens or something

We cut cancer research so ICE could purchase rocket launchers.

one thing that i guess is kind of implied about home ownership but should really be spelled out directly in specific detail is that sometimes you may find a ceiling light full of liquid and it becomes your job to solve That Mystery

Woke 2 stays winning lmaooo

Never allow yourself to be someone's second choice. Remember, #2 is shit

Ys. Swans are Belgians. Pigeons are from basque country.

I also consume a lot of references before regurgitating something that gets the job done, just like an LLM. the difference is that I am a human, so I don't do it on an industrial scale. I am alive. I have a soul. and I also have a huuuuuge penis.

Updating my LEGO White House

CUTE GIRL: *holds up cigarette* got a match ME: *holds up an identical cigarette* yes

this election was already over but jesus christ this put him 6 feet under lmfao