It smells like stale vag in here

If we do end up going under marital law I would recommend just doing whatever your spouse tells you.

about to experience the splendor of some shit

It’s kind of crazy that we have a Chicago Pope and a Nazi President when it was the exact opposite 15 years ago.

how am I supposed to believe these movies when we saw james bond die multiple times in "goldeneye" for the nintendo sixty four

Shots fired at ICE GOONS in Chicago!

ICE GOONS abducted a man while he was out birthday shopping for his daughter. You can hear the child pleading for her father as the masked goons ignore her and stuff him into the back of an unmarked car in San Diego, California.

i still don't trust him but i do like to see him talk this way!

Serotonin: “You knew what this was.”

Dating these days is just background checks with dinner.

good news, my therapist said I'm cured and to never contact her again

...it's all gone

<takes a drag off cigarette> Now you know what Mommy and Daddy were fighting about all the time.

Welcome to my mind palace.There are thousands of rooms, each with its own special theme.

Siri, why did my wife slap me when I asked for a slam pig?

this may be a controversial take but i don’t think it’s a good idea to have so many delusional people in power

No, not Home Depot stuff 😂

Breaking: Mike Johnson just announced that he'll swear in Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva on Wednesday at 4pm ET.

A thing I just told my 18yo. "I put a kazoo in my pussy during labor. Every time I pushed, circus noises let me know you were closer to coming out. Then finally my clown son was born. That's your origin story."

Before Elvis sang it, she owned it. Big Mama Thornton — the original voice behind “Hound Dog” (1953)

You're at Loggins I need you at Messina

You're at Oates. I need you at Hall.

videogames are *so* art they have attained the cultural position of being primarily an instrument of financial speculation for the already-wealthy

would you have the strength to carry it?

Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants

okay, but hear me out: What if we put health insurance *on the blockchain?*

welcome to bluesky. if the word "mapquest" means anything to you and/or you used it as a verb, you're in the right place

the purpose of the democratic party is to redirect revolutionary energy into stupid bullshit that doesn't work

younger generations have always dreamed to be in debt until the day they die

Calm down, I’ll make you a nice egg sandwich…

pussy power

Remember six days ago when we were all pretty jazzed about Democrats again? Good times.

I swear to god there must be a neurotransmitter that provides feelings of pleasure from doing or saying the stupidest shit. When they discover it, it must be named derpamine

dems, 2009: we can't do shit we only have 59 senators dems, 2025: we can't stop them they have 52 senators

There will be a horror movie about magnets in the next couple of years count on it.

Today's tech bros make Vault tech look ethical.

Influx of new followers, so gotta break them in right.

it's not caving when you also want it

I laugh, not because I'm happy. I laugh because I've lost my goddamned mind.

gonna start a podcast where i just sigh a lot

TIL that blood platelets have serotonin receptors, which is why anemia can mimic depression symptoms and that is absolutely fucking fascinating.

Always wear black to therapy to prove you can't be helped.

Indigo Sky 💙