i wouldn’t worry about your son he has a lot of followers on bluesky dot com he’ll land on his feet

i wouldn’t worry about your son he has a lot of followers on bluesky dot com he’ll land on his feet

Going “ugh” and taking -10 damage every time my posts flop

Going “ugh” and taking -10 damage every time I’m asked to do a chore.

profound experience: the smoothie place just put my order on the counter alongside another that looked the exact same and I said “exact same?” and she said yeah and I turned to the man who ordered the other one and we made eye contact and nodded to each other. game recognizes game

i saw your man still using one training wheel on his bike and kind of leaning over to that side

my mom says I’m not allowed to call her Big Dog anymore

cant wait for my loathsome teen son to leave for college so we don’t have to tell him when the family dog dies

Who on here can explain the different brain parts to me. And it’s kind of an emergency.

i saw your man still using one training wheel on his bike and kind of leaning over to that side

ive got bad news bro and its about that hovering orb you found in your shed. my dad says its not supposed to wail like that

bro if every little thing she does is magic she’s probably a witch bro. i’d be careful

I don’t know bro it kind of sounds like this is between you and the townspeople at this point

she wont go out with you unless you got a lot more whimsy than that bro

Bro, I’m telling you: there’s a Scissor Tailed Flycatcher out there with your name in its mouth

hey hop in bro we’re goin to get vasectomies

I guess the ethics committee is vehemently denouncing your proposed psychological experiment bro, so let me know if you still need me and my kids as subjects.

Bro your flat felled seams are off the hook

[consoling my homie] don’t worry man in the context of the whole universe you’re so insignificant that absolute nothing you ever do matters at all. you’re nothing bro

There’s all kinds of dogs, one of them is girthy and called bears

Telling my boss that the assignment doesn't align with my core values

shoutout to the woman leaving the grocery store with a rotisserie chicken and nothing else

Hey fellas, is it gay to exist in June?

remember: gays only have to half rent this month, but gay landlords get double. if they’re both gay it’s the same as always

hey girl are you a dot matrix printer Because you were loud as shit and I haven’t seen you in 30 years

If she’s your girl then why is she leaving crop circles at my nana’s farm?

if that’s your girl then why is she heading toward us after we red rover called her over?

if that’s your girl why is she responding to my riffs and just leaving you with courtesy likes

you think your nana would notice if we took a couple of her smokes?

Obsessed with object permanence rn fr. I love objects. If youre still stuck at facial recognition I feel sorry for u tbh

Scrolling right past your post if I think I’ve already seen one with the same shape

first date idea: a niche micro blogging website were you can trade posts for notifications

janklord

starting a new crew if you and the fellas want to roll through later

Thinking about committing mail theft with the fellas on Wednesday, if you’re free.

hey me and the fellas are gonna don khakis, golf shirts and big matching lanyards later and mill around the business district if you want to roll through

Me and the fellas are making some of those round Barbapapa houses later if you want to cruise by

I’d be loving so many great bird posters’ stuff if they included alt text

tbh a lot of two hundred and fifty year olds that I’ve met are demented, suffer memory loss and have little control over their faculties

the 1st f in FAFO stands for fuck around and find out

the 1st f in FAFO stands for fuck around and find out

oh god now it’s a lumberjack scene wtf

me and my buddies would have steered the ship into the rocks when we heard that sweet siren song i can tell you that much

you ever think how your weird freak neighbour may actually be one of the best motherfuckers posting on this site?

every day is another chance for it to happen

Legit question for rural Americans - How do proud boys escape the 50-60 activists while running down the railroad tracks within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?

[explaining everything to my daughter] ok and all the food delivery guys? they’re like the worker bees

every day is another chance for it to happen

[consoling my homie] don’t worry man in the context of the whole universe you’re so insignificant that absolute nothing you ever do matters at all. you’re nothing bro

huge if true