why yes, we do cut his hair at home, why do you ask?

light jacket weather might fix me

Brits really threw a wrench in the works by calling it a spanner.

First date idea: we text for 6 weeks before we meet

I wonder if the sex toys in the toy story universe have any good songs about losing touch with their owners’ asses

The only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is the socks.

GWAR crossed a major line at riot fest

With a little love, the call could be coming from inside the home.

In the BlueSky olden days we’d pack a picnic lunch on Sunday afternoons and saunter down to the mill stream to fire off bangers in our bare feet

when a group of shitposters hang out irl it’s a pooarty

i am now the proud owner of an @lisabug.bsky.social original

someday i will visit India. and when i leave it will be Outdia

I only have a few friends but hopefully I’ll be able to get rid of them soon

look this cult isn’t going to work unless you adore me unconditionally

sorry for my posts they were made when I was younger and with less experience

making small talk with charon

Friend: hey, are you free on… Me: no, I have to like and repost that day

Oh you're on bluesky? What's your Banger to Cringe ratio?

every poster whose skeets get read in court should be required to have a username that is this funny, at bare minimum

Quick tip to improve your life, replace all hatred with curiosity. Well, bye

I love my drama queen (upset she couldn't say hi to the dog behind her)

my sleep debt is killing my FICO score

the scariest thing about halloween are these frightening pfp's with spooky handles. like how did you get onto my feed and if I give you candy will you go away?

there is virtually no food that soybeans can't improve in some way and I just think that's beautiful

sometimes I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬??

i wish all news was delivered by thousands of people in banana costumes that would make the news cycle way more bearable

they made a new fucking baseball and I've not seen a single post about it smh what else are y'all not telling me about???

If you send a dick pic to your smart fridge, it will order eggplants for you

Venus hanging out with the moon this morning

Pardon me sir, do you have any Grey Poupon on which I might choke on and die?

if weed won't solve the problem ignoring it sure will

you know it's officially fall when you take a walk and step on the crunchy skin suddenly on the bottom of your feet

theres a tomorrow? i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont wanna i dont w

the move to cancel jimmy kimmel confirms once and for all: Trump is a soft butter bitch with tiny baby hands and he couldn't beat a newborn kitten in a contest of strength

training my eyes to do a split diopter shot

menopause? peri the menopause??

method shitposting (being unhinged IRL too)

My nuclear sub sandwich has gotten glowing reviews from the critic who lived

like stealing breath from a baby

waiting with baby's breath at the malapropism factory

i hate it when they call it a "meeting" and it has nothing to do with me

Flowers!? NO, I want balloon animals. You clown.

"I hate Elon Musk but I won't leave Twitter" is just "I hate JKR but I won't stop buying Harry Potter merch" wearing a different hat

I’m down to 1 percent on my phone battery but my god I’ve never felt more ali

this little piggy cried "oui oui oui" all the way home? that motherfucker was french????