After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not liking them, today she formally apologized saying she thought they knew everyone here including herself hated them already.

Okay this clearly hit the discover pager a while ago so I'm going to do that thing now where I have to tell all the people who think this is real that The Needling is a Seattle-local satire site. Katie Wilson didn't actually say this verbatim lol.

God I love her so much.

This is the kind of energy I want to see from politicians going forward. Fuck corpos.

Sooooo many #SmallBiz Coffee houses doing a stellar job at serving fair trade & delicious coffee!! #ShopSmall #ShopLocal ♥️☕️📚🐈‍⬛

lmao

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already: tinyurl.com/yt2k2d3t

Whoa, someone just invented hiring cleaners and paying them very low wages? Why did no one think of this before? So innovative!

We knew it had to involve people and money somehow, but we could never quite figure it out.

Hey Claude, clean this bathroom with your tongue. No. Cleaner than that. Cleaner! You really need to get into all the crevices. Wow. That’s still terrible. We’ll just hire an actual human.

Hell, with the size of the local kink community, there may be folks who’d pay for the privilege of cleaning them.

New Public Bathroom Startup Innovatively Pays People to Regularly Clean, Maintain Them tinyurl.com/39mtk2fx

The City of Seattle has finally opened four new public bathroom units in Pioneer Square operated by a startup company that keeps the bathrooms nice through the innovative use of paying people to regularly clean and maintain them.

Super hot take I guess: The city could just pay enough people to regularly clean and maintain public bathrooms that already exist and are currently closed all over the place. If we can blow half a million on FOUR toilets, why not also that?

For some this work could result in Perfect Days.

The City of Seattle has finally opened four new public bathroom units in Pioneer Square operated by a startup company that keeps the bathrooms nice through the innovative use of paying people to regularly clean and maintain them.

New Public Bathroom Startup Innovatively Pays People to Regularly Clean, Maintain Them tinyurl.com/39mtk2fx

Ballard Parade Celebrating Norway Gives Out Free Lutefisk, Healthcare, College, Paid Parental Leave: tinyurl.com/mwem7fta

The kids call it "Getting Hygge With It"

Shit. I missed it.

yet another reason the ballard light rail is so important

Probably why the light rail won't go there. Too beneficial

There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as just becoming May Queen at a Scandinavian seasonal event like Ballard’s 17th of May Norwegian Independence Day celebration, aka Syttende Mai: tinyurl.com/3emfumab

Ballard Parade Celebrating Norway Gives Out Free Lutefisk, Healthcare, College, Paid Parental Leave: tinyurl.com/mwem7fta

There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as just becoming May Queen at a Scandinavian seasonal event like Ballard’s 17th of May Norwegian Independence Day celebration, aka Syttende Mai: tinyurl.com/3emfumab

Okay but I grew up in Covington

lol Covington

This is Renton behavior

His posture is just so 🤭 Like spastic little me with a paralysed arm had better form, not the point, I know 😭

Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle: tinyurl.com/ysfbw6vh

Of course this mother fucker is from unincorporated King County

Shocked he isnt from Graham.

That's right, we don't want him

"In the meantime, Hawaii was reportedly waiting for anyone in either Seattle or Covington to kick his ass too."

“Sure, we have many pieces of our own shit living in Laurelhurst, etc, but please let it be stated for the record that this particular steaming pile of crap is from Covington.”

covington isn't even close lol

Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle: tinyurl.com/ysfbw6vh

Lol

Lately I’m seeing more real change happening due to Needling articles than any national late night show, Daily Show, or SNL combined. Local ̶p̶o̶l̶i̶t̶i̶c̶s̶ ̶ jokes matter.

This made it into the public record at tonight's Bainbridge Island planning commission meeting, with a comment from someone identified as Olivia.

Brilliant!!!!

Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out: tinyurl.com/24x5jdf2

In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is Welcome Here” sign to their 90-foot wall that keeps the poors out.

Each of the hands depicted on the sign should be grasping a dollar bill.

In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is Welcome Here” sign to their 90-foot wall that keeps the poors out.

Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out: tinyurl.com/24x5jdf2

Thrilling news!