It’s 45 and raining today or you get a knuckle sandwich.

“You see that sexy snow cone of a mountain over there? These giant pink pom-poms of cherry blossoms and a literal orca breaching right next to the Seattle waterfront and blowing everyone a kiss? The answer is no you did not.”

‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring: tinyurl.com/2wc2b6de

I feel this (good satire has just enough truth)

After experiencing a Microsoft Outlook outage shortly after entering orbit this week, today Artemis II astronauts reported that Teams was also not working either for some reason.

Artemis II Astronauts Say Teams Not Working Either: tinyurl.com/mr2c73dp

Fife Unveils New Slogan: ‘Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic’: tinyurl.com/j4b4ysyk

After experiencing a Microsoft Outlook outage shortly after entering orbit this week, today Artemis II astronauts reported that Teams was also not working either for some reason.

“I had just shoved my Jimmy Dean into this Gatorade bottle after my third hour in traffic and thought that there’s got to be a better way,” said Travis Morris, newly appointed Tourism Director for the City of Fife.

Artemis II Astronauts Say Teams Not Working Either: tinyurl.com/mr2c73dp

And thus Federal Way incorporated. People decided they had enough of southbound Tacoma Dome traffic and decided to settle in Federal Way*. *things were going OK till they changed the name of the SeaTac Mall to the Commons.

“I had just shoved my Jimmy Dean into this Gatorade bottle after my third hour in traffic and thought that there’s got to be a better way,” said Travis Morris, newly appointed Tourism Director for the City of Fife.

Of course, that’s after you’d already been stuck in Fife traffic since Federal Way

"And stop at the Poodle Dog!"

Urine trouble if you don’t build the train, Sound Transit

Fife Unveils New Slogan: ‘Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic’: tinyurl.com/j4b4ysyk

Just broadcast Trump's speeches and it will go flaccid.

What they don’t tell you is that you have to pay for months of training upfront before you’re allowed to operate one of these (Seriously tho, I love these *and* I love that I can use my bus pass to walk on to a ferry for a little adventure)

“Look, the bridge has been around since 1919 so does it need a little help sometimes getting fully erect? Sure,” said SDOT spokesman Hank Bailey. “Not for this long though."

Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours: tinyurl.com/33ebvjzu

“Look, the bridge has been around since 1919 so does it need a little help sometimes getting fully erect? Sure,” said SDOT spokesman Hank Bailey. “Not for this long though."

First Avenue South Bridge says “hold my beer” as a line a barges runs a train through its span during rush hour.

Everything reminds me of him

😂

Side effects may include priapism of the bridge.

"Though it’s far from the first time it’s happened to one of the city’s old bridges, SDOT said it had to call in UW Medical Center’s Dr. Jane Boehner to the rescue."

I heard they had to drain the hydraulic oil out of it with a syringe.

Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours: tinyurl.com/33ebvjzu

Officials Gather to Celebrate First Crosslake Light Rail Commuter to Flip Off Rush Hour Traffic; tinyurl.com/3tpr43kr

Bring on the plaque! "By press time, Sound Transit was reportedly also already installing a plaque to commemorate where the first 2 Line crosslake commuter mooned I-90 traffic." Or better yet, a bronze butt.

Bike commuters been doing this for years.

Officials Gather to Celebrate First Crosslake Light Rail Commuter to Flip Off Rush Hour Traffic; tinyurl.com/3tpr43kr

well they had them last saturday; big lines for the ferries causing traffic in the concourse to back up all the way to the 99

🤣

Had a job interview on Mercer years ago. The small business said it was important because it was so hard to get to Seattle or Bellevue. But also, they wanted events to draw people from Seattle or Bellevue. They ghosted me, thank god. So yeah, this tracks.

Don’t worry, Yuppie, it’s too much effort to change trains in the International District just to eat over priced, mediocre food on your “Island.”

definitely sent this to my friend who grew up on MI but moved as soon as he could get away 😂

Mercer Island Leaves Home Alone-Style Traps All Over New Light Rail Station: tinyurl.com/4vj5mn7s

Do we have a 3d printer model for this yet????

“This is my island – I have to defend it,” said a defiant Mercer Island Mayor David Rosenbaum as he painted tar over the station’s stair and escalator steps. “You guys over there, you got the flame torch contraption ready for anyone who tries to use the elevator?”

Former governor insisted the replacements be battery powered.

Just speed on through. Until they produce some minimum number of residents within an easy walk of the train station, this station should be closed.

I WANT ONE OF THESE bsky.app/profile/then...

“This is my island – I have to defend it,” said a defiant Mercer Island Mayor David Rosenbaum as he painted tar over the station’s stair and escalator steps. “You guys over there, you got the flame torch contraption ready for anyone who tries to use the elevator?”

The M's were quick to point out they operate the largest ferry tray system in the United States, and you should just be proud of that.

Not surprised they’d use ICE…

Mercer Island Leaves Home Alone-Style Traps All Over New Light Rail Station: tinyurl.com/4vj5mn7s

I’m not sure there’s a more specific and perfect Western Washington joke.

Nooooooooooooooo! But also lol at “Blaine confirmed the modernized line will at least include the addition of a tiny man vaping in his tiny car.”

“You shoulda seen this cute little Goldendoodle feller no one could find until the cameras beamed out their brown face recognition software to find the little guy. While completely fictional, it was also very cute and compelling.”