Well thank fuck that's all over with.

if roseanne barr married jeffrey epstein, she’d be roseanne epstein-barr it’s 3:56am hello insomnia you stupid motherf

me, every time I make it out of my therapist’s office 😎

Jordan Peele voice: TRINIDAD CHAMBLISS, UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI

Sure, I could “work on myself.” Or I could fake my own death and start a new life at sea

Some people are so fancy with their panic rooms. I can panic in any room, really.

Took a drink every time Gordon Ramsey said fuck off. Kinda of a blur after that

Wanna feel old? 1726 was only 300 years ago

Well that was a hell of a thing

Ok Stranger Things, let's wrap this shit up

There is no next year, only Zuul.

All potatoes are mashed potatoes when you eat them.

this whole year could’ve been a stephen king short story

Hawkeyes. For once you didn't break my heart at the end! #Hawkeyes #Iowa

"I say it every night before I go to sleep, give us peace." The one where the 4077th sang Dona Nobis Pacem

Me at midnight

picture of the staff who operate my bluesky account...

TIL there is an actual chemical named moronic acid. I'm thinking this explains a lot of things.

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store

Cow weapons

women during a full moon: awoo men during a full moon: awoo blob creature during a full moon: grblgrbl

When I was 6, I was interviewed by a federal government agent about UFOs.

😂😂😂 I bet you could balance that cup of chai tea on your head. Tai chi with chai tea.

At dinner I meant to order chai tea with the meal, but I said tai chi by mistake and now my mind, body and spirit are in harmony and the waiter keeps asking if I'm OK.

Just discovered that I’ve turned who cares I’ll be dead by then years old

aliens invading earth because that tesla elon shot into space ran over a kid

my 2026 resolution is to be an even bigger sweetie π

Though he was no sponge, he remained aloofah haha I'm not even sorry haha

I hurt my back laying around

This has been a great year for people who love being angry

I’m not late, time is wrong

sorry, i cant come over, i put a sweatshirt over a long sleeve tshirt and neither of them feel right around my neck and shoulders now

I can’t believe how stupid everything is

Cats with people ears. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

For a little while, I was on a medicine that prohibited eating cheese. I refer to that time as the Era of Desolation

Whoops! All these years, I had autocorrect set on “make me sound like a fucking idiot” mode.

Things started to unravel when we chose to replace the liberal arts with MMA.

Someone asking to share my snacks has real invasive species energy.

French screen legend Brigitte Bardot has died aged 91. She is survived by her husband, Pepé Le Pew

im so good at flipping out i should find work as a spatula

It's Saturday! 📺 Post a TV series you love.

Our Buddies, Our Elves

Happy #Caturday

I love the Charlie Brown Christmas special. There's an eerie loneliness that hangs over the whole thing. The music, Charlie Brown's depression, the dying little tree, the flatness of the children's voices, the inevitability of death. A Christmas masterpiece.

🎵last Christmas I gave you my heart And died right away No, not the next day Turns out You can't live without Something that's so essential 🎶

shitposting for a brighter tomorrow

I look for the Hitchcock cameo in every one of your posts

Television show called Strange Things about a place called The On It's Side and a girl named Six and a Half

cute baby. can it fight?