THIS HAPPENED! Tonight I'm watching Fantastic Four and I look over and EMMA IS SURFING

I can still dance the night away but only until around 11 pm

I'll hold your hair back so you don't get any apocalypse on it.

I think it should be against the law to get out of bed when you don’t want to.

*noises from inside the refrigerator IT'S ALRIGHT I'M OK

This is my crippling anxiety post. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

I swear to god there must be a neurotransmitter that provides feelings of pleasure from doing or saying the stupidest shit. When they discover it, it must be named derpamine

Could Joyce Carol Oates please tell Elon it's cool to give all your money away to charity and throw yourself into the sea?

New research confirms that overexposure to political skeets gives you the heebie-jeebies. The antidote is shitposting.

Figuratively speaking (but also kind of not) diaf, Kim Davis. US supreme court rejects call to overturn decision legalizing same-sex marriage www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

Oh, the Republicans promised you something?

Shoutout to the Senators who voted with the Republicans to open the government. We see you and will make sure that this is your last term in the Senate you feckless dipshits.

I would prefer cheese tray over flowers, every damn time

Who’s your favorite reoccurring (that is not part of the regular cast but kept showing up) sitcom character? Jenny Slate as Mona Lisa Saperstein youtu.be/EUPZ5nAB_KQ?...

Speed dating is when you have to tell Keanu Reeves a little bit about yourself or this bus will explode

Christmas puns will ruin this place. Yule see.

the important thing is that Waldo finds himself

What have I missed..jk idgaf.

I always thought suspended animation would be more of a thing by now

oh no, iowa

Me: We have too many books. My husband: We have inadequate shelf space.

I've been changing my avi one pixel at a time for 2 years

joe pesci for the win youtube.com/shorts/dWyPW...

It's just me and my vast armada of steampunk war blimps against the world

🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

Me, flirting

Me, flirting

YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE US. Telepathic #Caturday

post you from a different era

We should change the national anthem to the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme.

Win every food fight by throwing dense frozen items.

csi* miami horatio: looks like somebody wasn't ready to... [puts on sunglasses] meat their maker YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH *coldcut sandwich investigations

VOICEOVER: in the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet entirely opposite, groups: the police, who are afraid of sandwiches, and sandwich wielders, armed with food consisting of two pieces of bread filled with meat, cheese, and vegetables. these are their stories.

I don't want to "drill down," or "circle back" I want to go to sleep on the floor

When there were expansions to the programs in early years, SSA conveyed these changes, emphasizing the deservingness of clients - it is about protecting the American family (of course, many laborers were also being excluded at this point, including domestic servants and agricultural laborers)

If you see this post egg

Yeh, we might need a tissue to clean that up.

Apparently, saying the taste is how you determine different types of beads upset everyone inside Joann's....

Protect yourself. Protect others if you're able. Protect all creatures, great and small. Protect your heart from heart pirates. Protect mossy forests and the darkness, living and dead, that dwells within.

Pets are wild, man. There's just this little dude or little lady living in your house, being a whole ass creature, living their little lives and following the tune of a song you'll never fully understand. It amazes me every time I look at an animal.

The bagel, the bun, and the holy toast

sorry I've added a "Controversy" section to your wikipedia article while you were asleep

A haiku about my life: I am so tired Where did all my money go My back is hurting

Don't feel pressured to do weird stuff just because it came to you in a vision. Do it because it's weird. That's reason enough

This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts

No Noise November. everybody shut up